Friday, May 27, 2005

F is for Fuck

It's a beautiful day. 89 degrees outside, full sun, not a cloud in the sky.
Dying in my 115 degree apartment, fans circulating hot air through the room. Scaring all the people in the building across the way with my pasty white ass.

I got that itis.

And even though I'm taking the "night-time formula", it's too damn hot to sleep.
I have some cough suppressant/expectorant.
I'm obviously no doctor, but isn't that a bit of an oxy-moron?
How can I expectorate if I'm not coughing?



I need more good blogs to read...any recommendations???

Preferrably something not already on my blogroll. And please, nothing political.

**contrary to popular belief, this is NOT an invitation for you to leave some bullshit comments just because you like to see your own name in print. We'll forgive Abe because he's fucking old and the heat is probably too much for him. Besides, he lives in Ohio. They don't know any better.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Repressed Childhood Memories

I was just telling my boyfriend that I am probably the only person in the free world to watch Star Wars in order of Phantom Menace to Return of the Jedi.

He said, "No, you've seen it".

I was like, "No, I've never seen the original trilogy".

He said, "You've seen Wookiees and Ewoks".

Then I said, "That's only because my dad used to call me in the room like,
"Hey, come look at these little hairy boys!"

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Yeah, I'm a Dumb Bitch.

Around 10pm, I was at 7-11 using a payphone to call a guy I knew from school for a bag.
He said he wasn't far from where I was, and he would meet up with me a few blocks from there. I had no idea where he was coming from or if he was on foot or not, so I start walking figuring he'd find me.

I had gone about 4 blocks when a guy, about 30, in a convertible pulled up to the intersection I was approaching.
He looked straight at me and said, "Hey..."

I was a little weirded out that Pete had sent someone else to meet me and not warned me about it, but I walked around the car and let myself in.
He smiled and seemed kind of surprised.



Suddenly feeling like something was more than a little weird, I was like, "You're not Pete's friend, are you?"
He started cracking up and said, "You thought this was a drug deal, didn't you?!"

Horrified, I leapt from his car with the quickness, in complete shock that I had just gotten in some random car driving by.
I was sufficiently freaked out at that point, but he decided to take it up a notch saying, "You don't have to go..."

I was laughing so hard by the time I met up with the "right" guy I barely got out the words to explain what I had just done.


So like 2 weeks later, I'm in a totally different (much worse) neighborhood with a friend and, like a couple of dumbasses, we had just gotten robbed by 2 crackheads.
It was 1am, we had no money and no one to call so we started on the 6 mile walk back to West Seattle.

This SUV pulls up next to us as we're crossing the Bartells parking lot and I'm like, "Okay, what the fuck." I look up and it's the same friggin' guy from the convertible! I almost lost it.
My friend is like, "How do you know him?"


Of course all bad situations start out: He seemed nice enough and he was offering us a ride...
It's late, I don't really want to spend the next 2 hours walking back home, so we're like, "Sure!"

The closer we get to West Seattle the more he's pushing us to 'hang out' a bit. He says he's bored, plans got messed up tonight and he was so surprised to have run into me again he was hoping we could stay and chat..just for a little while.

Being the little twits that we were, we agreed (I guess I didn't mention that he was really hot, did I?). It doesn't take long before he's hitting on me rather aggressively and I am a little standoffish as he is obviously much older than me (I was 16 at the time) and a little too interested. He says, "If you're not attracted to me, I'll stop." Somehow he got my friend in on the pressuring me, and she's like, "Just do it. He's hot."

Sounded like the voice of reason to me...


So he's handing me his business card and I'm like, "Uh, ok.", when he mentions something about how HIS POOR WIFE is home with a cold and how he's looking forward to hearing from me soon as he can foresee "glorious day-time sex" in the near future.



I suppose I should be glad that I'm a little young to have been a Bundy victim. I guess I wasn't too smart back in the day.



***New information has just come to light:

My boyfriend (we were good friends at the time) has just reminded me that at some point during this encounter, he pulled out his niggardly "schlong" to show me what I'd be missing.

How the FUCK did I manage to forget that little detail?

Needless to say, these are about the only words we've exchanged today.

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Relational Psychology; a little quiz

Found this over at Chris Nystrom's blog. I found it to be quite accurate and I'm curious to know how it turns out for you...

Have a pen and paper handy before you read any further. As soon as you read a question, write the answer right away.

Read the following questions, imagining the scenes in your mind, and write down the FIRST thing that you visualize. Do NOT think about the questions excessively.

Ready?


1. You are walking in the woods. Who are you walking with?

2. You are walking in the woods. You see an animal. What kind of animal is it?

3. What interaction takes place between you and the animal?

4. You walk deeper in the woods. You enter a clearing and before you is your Dream House. Describe its size.

5. Is your dream house surrounded by a fence?

6. You enter the house. You walk to the dining area and see the dining table. Describe what you see on AND around the table.

7. You exit the house through the back door. Lying in the grass is a cup. What material is the cup made of?

8. What do you do with the cup?

9. You walk to the edge of the property, where you find yourself standing at the edge of a body of water. What type of body of water is is it?

10. How will you cross the water?


*The results are posted as the first comment*

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