you just need a good punch in the cunt

I've done pretty much nothing but shop for 2 days :|
I hate shopping, but I LOVE getting new shit! gotta take the good with the bad, y'know. and walmart was bad.
I saw my first (and last) walmart yesterday.. WHAT A PIT!!
they have fucking everything in there. its like a really ghetto fred meyer. I always thought I wanted to go there for some reason and now I know I was wrong. dead wrong.
but it was cheap, just like me.

speaking of cheap, I had a bottle of wine for breakfast. if you can even call it wine. it was bordering on malt liquor in my opinion. on the upside, that just meant I could drink faster :p

of course now that local gas prices have reached upward of $3/gallon, the car just mysteriously started working again. which totally fucking rocks cos I am done trying to take the bus to buy a bag. its inconvenient and difficult to be discreet on the ride home. plus I can go to jamba again! ..but after paying for the smoothies we'll probably have to push the damn car home.

but lucky me, ben & jerry's is within walking distance, and I've still got a half an hour before they close so I have to stop typing right now. bye.

no, I didn't delete your comments

check out tapeworms blog for the full story.

"ya hungry, girl?"

it is not cute to post entire flickr accounts of your double chin. seriously. but I wouldn't expect you to know that.
after all, I'd be surprised if you could see anything around that thing growing off your face (god, I hope it's malignant).
at first I was puzzled as to how a water buffalo like yourself got such an ego, but then I noticed that you surround yourself with nothing but dateless middle aged horse-faced bitches and you were the only one who'd managed to trick a man into marrying you.
I realize you don't have any children of your own to abuse and thats probably why you try to throw your (immense) weight around in any way you can with perfect strangers.

a suggestion if I might:
next time you're having a bad day, try running stairs instead of your mouth.

fuck you oprah ;)

"I take a bath in math" -xor444

I think tapeworms on the rag. hes been pretty crabby today but I chased him around the grocery store with the cart and ran over his heels a few times. that seemed to help :)
I smell like a goddamn hippie. I hugged the worm and now he stinks too. hehehh. I have these pants that keep riding up my butt and I was at best buy looking at some movies and nobody else was in that aisle so I just dug it out real quick-like and then I heard a bunch of giggling and I was like, "uh, whoops" and tried to act like I didn't give a shit but I felt pretty dumb, yo.

my little cousin grew boobs this summer and was flaunting them all over disneyland. she wasn't responding to subtlety so my mom said she told her she looked like a ho and bought her a tshirt to "cover up". haha..my mom is the coolest.

it is 6:30p and I've not gotten high all day long. I'm kinda proud of myself and I am not going to let the fact that I only woke up an hour and a half ago thwart this feeling of accomplishment.
in fact, I'm about to roll myself a celebratory spliff and smoke it all the way to the maha for some bogey and daal.
life is sweet, folks.

eat shit...and LIVE!

my keyboard has been queering offff and my ffffffffff button is sticking. ffffffffffffffffuck.
my mom got back from disneyland today and she brought me a shot glass and a magnet, so naturally I'm making good use :)

I know you're never gonna believe this, but I was rude to someone recently. and though it burns my eyes to even type such a thing..
I'M SORRY; I made a boo boo.
I talk faster than I think most of the time and I'm sure you can all attest to that :p for some reason I am always the last one to realize that I'm overreacting and its usually after I've done something waaaay out of line. it proves to be humbling at times.
still working on modesty, but its really not something I'm familiar with.

I keep thinking I hear someone trying to unlock my door. I've been super paranoid lately and I'd like to say its cos of all the insanely potent herb I came into, but I'd be bluffing; august ain't over yet and I'm sure it'll be october before things really pick up again. anyway, the truth is rents due in a week and I have no idea how its getting paid. I'm fucking up and I think my conscience is trying to scare me into action. hehehh...we'll see who wins.

I've basically been a big wad of suckage all weekend. well, weekend is kind of a relative term cos I don't work, so I just designate whatever part of the week that felt like a "weekend" to be the weekend. and this week that was yesterday and the two days before it. more than ever I feel like I am probably the only one reading this and thats good because I have a few things I think I should hear.
I read some crap once that said "you may have a fresh start any moment you choose" and I used it like a crutch to justify every bad decision I knew I was about to make. I may be the coolest person I know, but in actuality thats not saying much. I bet even nerdy people get big headed sometimes.

"that fuckin indian better win"

if I ever learn how to drive I'm gonna go to jamba juice and then maybe vegas. but thats a big IF.
driving is scary like sharing needles and screwing strangers without condoms. I'm not really sure it should be done.
danielle puts out a pretty good cock blog and if you chew on boots cos yer hungry that doesn't make it food.

matt said hes not gonna pit fight anymore but thats a bunch of crap; he'll be back.

you don't just quit pit fighting on a whim damnit.
its a cultural phenomenon.

in case you didn't know, myspace is the gay and I am the most unpopular piece of shit on there. I have like 5 friends and one of thems a goddamn band and another ones my boyfriend. raggedy ass 16 year olds send me friend requests and I deny them cos I'm trying to act all elitist, but in reality I'm just LAME.
ahahahahahah...fuck.
theres a cornucopia of words to describe the male genitalia and at the moment, I'm rather smitten with ndongo.
sounds kinda african, huh? well, it should.

britts dads a real ninja. his mom said "hes one of the twelve".
I think she meant men she had slept with that weekend, but he's pretty sure she was talking about ninjas.

ugh.. how many beers am I gonna need before my friends start to seem cool?

I am so retarded

for caramel cashew brazil nut ice cream with roasted almonds and a hazelnut fudge swirl!

damn right...mute your shit and then get ready to squeal....WAVY GRAVY is back!

if you managed to stay awake through 100 things carrie, you might remember #37.

apparently 17,363 other people felt the same way I did!
they're only selling it in scoop shops and its sposta be a limited time thing which sucks, but after 3 years with out my gravy I'm thrilled that I can even go pick up a cone at all!

origins of a whore

for danielle


before we were together, tapeworm took me and helen to a party for some dude he worked with and jacque found out about it and called tapeworm to ask why she hadn't been invited and he said, "cos I didn't want you to act like a slut and embarrass me."
(cos thats what helen was there for!)

when jacque was 12, her mom cut her a line and told her to do it. or they'd never be close. her stepdad was a former alcoholic/child molester, all crazy into the 12 step thing and they hid everything from him but I'm sure he had to know something was going on when no one ever slept and her mom blew glass 16 hours a day. jacque thought he was watching her through a hole in her bedroom wall. he had been convicted of sexual abuse of his daughter; the same girl jacque and her oldest brother were sleeping with. I met jacque in 1997, I was 15 and soon after that I was going to her house after school to buy dope from her mom. just like the rest of her friends.

she had to be the center of everyones attention and seldom was. the year we met we both unknowingly liked the same boy, derek. he rode her bus and one day he told her he was into me and she flipped out and tried to hit me over it. she said she knew it wasn't my fault, but she was still mad.

when jacque had a bad day at school, her mom cut her a line and told her she was too sensitive. jacque said she vaguely remembered her mom molesting her as a young girl. her 8 year old brother came to stay 2 weekends a month and she wondered if her mom was molesting him now, too.

jacque said she was afraid to quit, cos she knew that meant she wouldn't have a mom anymore. I tried to tell her that she didn't have one as it was.

anemone

did you know I was retarded? I just found out today.

smoking weed sucks because I think I might have just lost something and spent ..awhile.. running around the apartment looking for it and realized I wasn't finding it cos I didn't remember what it was anymore. I just know I really needed it.


A dog does not wednesday in honey
And leaks grass like intolerance parcels
Smelly triscuit of love batter smile
Trickling bunion I disappoint
What with wrinkled paperclip abandon take
To break fountainous cannon sunlight glaze
Thunderous beer fork you excellent wolfs penis
And not for taco validation
We flicker complacent circles to the top
Partly single dollar noodle zone
Whirring manatee colloquial bucket fritter
Waste cinnamon if you remember ohio

-inspired by robert frost


oh shit...I think it was food.

just say no ho

jacque used to tell everyone she was in love with me. but she always settled for my boyfriends. even though we were together a lot, she didn't really know me at all but we had drugs in common so it worked out most of the time.

she left me with a notebook once and it was full of the kinds of secrets I would have never written anywhere.

I saw myself through her eyes. and it was very distorted. she said she didn't know if she wanted to be me or be with me.

later she said she hadn't meant to show it to me.
I lied and said I hadn't read it, but she knew.

she told me she was sleeping with her 14 year old step sister. and so was her brother.

she went on to say she let a coke dealer and his cousin tag team her, for half a gram. and they told her she was the fattest girl they'd ever banged. before they were finished.

she started losing lots of weight and she hadn't been eating anything but popsicles for weeks.
she told me she knew I would never judge her and I wondered what had given her that impression.

I rule you

dude, I love when I sneeze and drool all over myself at the same time. thats so hot.
my mom is going to disneyland without me. and shes taking 2 of my cousins. in fact, she's driving all the way to seattle today to catch her plane and she's not even gonna stop by. how fucked up is that? I think she hates me.
we bagged the river today cos its all overcast and shitty out. plus I didn't really get out of bed until 3.

I put too many onions in the guacamole and I'm flipping out cos I can't find the picture of john denver that vajohnna drew for me at beths. its like the best piece of art I own. or it was. shit.
but I have a new favorite artist. go check out her dog cartoons, they ROCK!

in other news, tickles tapeworm is eating pretzels. big ones.

just another gay ass post

it is not a good idea to have fritos for breakfast. in fact, it might not ever be a good idea to have fritos. they looked pretty good on the shelf though. I have to do 5000 loads of laundry today cos I never wash any clothes until I completely run out of things to wear. so now I have like 3 socks a bra and some yoga pants with a big hole in the crotch. I think I might just take a nap, and panic tomorrow when I'm supposed to go to the river and I'm all naked. thats more my style.

"drunk by noon, but that's okay; I'll be president someday"

I am officially white trash. on our way to butt rock britt's shithole and saw a recliner just chillin out in the alley and I have no chairs in my apartment, so we turned around and carried that bitch home. hehe..yeah, I'm that ghetto.

britt's been calling every 20 minutes since 8a cos he bought a computer for $80 that can't handle running antivirus and firewall software at the same time. he thinks tapeworm's gonna pull a miracle out of his ass or something. we were there for 5 hours last night and his house smells like old sandwiches. whoever he bought that shit from must've clicked every fucking driveby download that ever popped up through IE. spysweeper found 130 programs and spyware cookies and over 400 traces in less than 3 minutes. hes freaking out cos he wants to play online poker tournaments and he's too butt rock to use the internet.

I'm going swimming tuesday!! in a river!
hehehh...I'm gonna pee in it.

horses and cows and chickens, oh my!

ooh, I think I'm gonna make some banana bread today. I only sleep like every other day now. you might wonder how I am able to nonstop rock like this sans crazy drugs, but the truth is I have no clue; I'm just fucking gifted.

didn't get that bag until too late the other night so we made the trip to the mountains yesterday instead. I fuckin hit the pipe right in front of highway patrol just before newhalem. I had to pull some jedi mind tricks, but he eventually realized he had better things to do than pull us over.

I saw lots of farm animals yesterday. sweet little cows and horses. and all I can think about is enumclaw. and I look into their vacant bovine eyes and think, "are you being touched in bad places?" seriously, we passed a horse trailer on the highway and one of them kept sticking his head through the little window as if to say, "help me!" I think I might have ptsd. I wonder if I can sue that farm or maybe that guy's family. its been weeks, and I'm still super fucked up over the whole thing.

dying to know what I think of you?

hehehh..didn't think so.
but this is your big chance to find out anyhow.
zube girl posted this and I commented, so here I am keeping up my end of the deal, cos I'm such a fuckin rockstar.
all you have to do is:

comment on this post, and....

1. I'll respond with a random thought I have about you.
2. I'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I'll say something that only makes sense to you and me (or so we think).
5. I'll tell you my first memory of you.
6. I'll tell you what animal intoxicant you remind me of.
7. I'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on your journal.**


**okay, okay... if you comment, and don't post this on your blog, I won't be mad. at all. really. cunt.

a preemptive thanks to all who participate!

"I'm right here you little bitches"

tapeworm went totally apeshit on some highschool kids today. it was fucking hilarious, he was running down the street chasing after cars. I was definitely impressed.

we had a barbecue on my balcony at like 1am and some woman who lives across the street came outside glaring at us with her hands on her hips so we took some pictures of her but they didn't come out that great.


we finally got tired of taking the bus everywhere and rented another car. we're gonna drive into the north cascades tomorrow if we can find some goddamn pot before then.
I'm out, can you believe it? neither could I, but it's true.
fuckin august.

I didn't break up with tickles today. but I did yesterday. and the day before. he wanted me to make sure I told you that.

what? ...jealous?

my grandpa repeats everything he says 4 times. when he comes over he says "hello hello hello hello." even if I'm the only one here. he was with my grandma for like 40 years before she died and I just found out he's been married 4 times before her.
what a ho!

my grandparents like me better than the rest of my cousins cos I go to school and I don't have any babies. plus I'm a lot cuter than them cos I'm adopted. that means I get good christmas presents.

butt rock britt is buying a computer today. I'm a little nervous cos hes finally gonna read all the bullshit I write about him...this should be funny.

we ran out of fluff so I made a toasted chocolate sammich. with peanut butter. I thought it was a genius invention but tapeworm assures me it is mediocre at best, just like the weed everyones been trying to push around here lately.

metal & gas; not exactly precious commodities

I'm worried tix might try to kill himself...kerrazy torrents have officially closed up shop. he hasn't swapped metal with anyone in well over 48 hours. his life has lost all purpose. he's slumped in front of his monitor, defeated; a mere shell of his former self.
I, however, am reaping the benefits of the regained bandwidth he has been pigging to himself all this time. fucking sweeeeeeet.

ugh. he just kissed me and farted at the same time.

photo roulette

goddamn hippies

I've been throwing water balloons off the balcony all day and no ones even threatened me yet. how boring is that?

stinky pete came back yesterday and stagnated on the couch for another 10 hours. I've found the only way to get him out is for me to leave. pete doesn't really think too much of deoderant but he's cool cos he sleeps in trees and doesn't expect me to entertain him all the time. I hate people that can't handle a few minutes of silence.

I had a fucked up dream last night that I had to hack off a mouses head (I cant remember why, but it had to be done) and my guinea pig saw me do it and he didn't like me anymore. and then tapeworm was cheating on me with some black girl from work. I kept waking up but the second I'd fall back asleep it would start all over again. I still feel kind of messed up over it.

dude, have you seen danielle's blog yet? shes totally nuts and her shit fuckin ROCKS! shes getting married next week, you should go check her out at mi caca es su caca and leave nice comments.

pincushion

somebody asked me if I was on drugs today.
hehehh. is it that obvious?

when I was in highschool I dated this dude named ky (like kyle) whose dad passed him around to all his friends as a young boy and he was super fucked up and hated men and my parents kicked me out cos he would sneak up in my room at night. my dad told him "I don't want you sleeping with my daughter" and I was like omg.

my first night being "homeless" we stayed at some cab drivers apt who fell asleep in his room with the door open watching gay porn at high volume. I didn't sleep at all. the night after that we stayed at another middle aged gay mans apt who seemed less than thrilled to have me there.

the next day I took acid for the first time with a girl named noelle that I met at dennys and thats when I realized my boyfriend was gay. I have no idea why he was with me, but I'm positive he was fucking those dudes in exchange for a place to stay. noelle was way cooler than him anyway and I had never done drugs before so we took off all our clothes and ran down broadway at like 2p.

I saw a blind guy on the bus wearing glasses. maybe I'm just a dick, but I thought it seemed pretty redundant.

working girl

I made .50¢/minute to draw and eat chocolate. well, actually I made the drawings for free, but I did em on the clock. I can't help but feel that I'm on the better end of the deal here.
the only real rule is that I can't talk to anyone. its surprisingly harder than I thought it would be.

pete said that green peppers are really red peppers that aren't ripe and thats why they're like half the price of red peppers cos they grow twice as fast. he also said he could run 20 miles an hour. I used to be obsessed with him when I was 15 and he totally knew it. I think.

pete always comes through with really fucking good drugs but he also has a tendency to stay all goddamn day and say a whole bunch of weird shit and never go home.
hes a pretty cool guy but I can never tell if he's trying to impress me or my boyfriend.

I got some bacon bandaids. now I just gotta hurt myself.