Wednesday, March 29, 2006

less fortunate than whoM?

my mom is being a total cunt and I have pretty much been extricated from the rest of my family because they are all insecure and intimidated by my genius and sheer earning power. I will be the most successful person they know soon and they totally hate that.

I have had a headache for about 4 months now and I think it might be a tumor or something equally tragic because I am feeling dramatic and I want it to be important.

for a minute today I was seriously considering volunteer work at a homeless youth organization I used to take advantage of and then I remembered that I totally HATE homeless people and the last thing I want to do is spend 20 thankless hours every week trying to help a bunch of losers who don't even care to help themselves. which made me question why I was considering it in the first place. and I think I associate that place with being irresponsible and having people coddle me for it. even tho being homeless sucks a lot, it is the ultimate vacation from life.

there is a noise war going on between me and the people upstairs and they are of course winning because all they have to do is run across the floor to be annoying and I have to actually stand on my furniture and beat the ceiling which is more inconvenient.

this is too much stress to have over something so insignificant but its also impossible to ignore people stomping and screaming and jumping off the furniture 24 hours a day. these people are totally fucked. if I had a basement I would hang myself in it. actually if I had a basement I wouldn't have to hang myself anymore because I probably couldn't hear them from down there. I would just have to only hang out in the basement from now on. which depending on how cool my basement was I may still want to hang myself in it.

I am kinda in a really shitty mood and everything I say sounds like whining and I am seriously starting to annoy myself.

Friday, March 24, 2006

OMG Y'ALL

I'm on 25 peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay so actually I got tha boot. after just 2 days. I guess my face was just too butty. or you selfish fucks weren't clicking my links enough. what the fuck? (!!!!!!) tho not to worry; I've re-submitted another pic and I will probably just keep doing that forever until someone gets so tired of seeing my retarded pictures that they leave me comments mean enough to convince me not to do it anymore.


holy shit tapeworm got a job and I am being super bitter and totally not happy at all because now we will never see each other again really and I will also be responsible for getting myself to school. it feels like I am losing more than I'm gaining out of this.

I have 8 classes left until graduation. thats like 8 classes left until I have to grow up, too.

ugh that was so emo. I sound about 8 hours away from menstruation.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

mein kolon

all my cousins totally hate me cos I've been way better than all of them since like, birth. plus I was the youngest and spent my whole first 7 years as a full time narc.

when I was 4 my cousin matt fed me like half a box of dog jerky and told me it was real beef jerky but I knew there was something wrong with it cos he was actually being nice and so I told my grandma and she got extra pissed and made him eat the whole rest of the pack.

when he was in 2nd grade he got lice so bad he plucked out all of his eyelashes. I never met his mom but I'm pretty sure she was a hooker.

he moved in with my aunt and her husband/his dad when he was like 10 but he was pretty much fucked from go and by the time he was 17 they'd finally had enough of him and were like, "get out" and so he and his scumbag friends would break into their house a whole bunch and steal everything and pawn it for heroin and he stole her car a few times and spent a good amount of time in jail.

I'm pretty sure he was gay. well his dad turned out to be anyhow. one time my aunt came home early from work and walked right into some kind of nazi meeting in her basement. he had swastikas hung on 3 walls and everyone was dressed in uniform.

when she filed for divorce, he had his hair dyed blonde cos he thought it was because he was starting to look old.

6 months after he moved out she found some unmarked videotapes and popped one in the vcr where she saw her ex-husband and a couple of his co-workers attempting to make their own amateur gay porn.

..I don't remember where I was going with this.


Friday, March 10, 2006

have you ever tried our sausages?

jorell has been sick for 2 and 1 half days and basically my life is so pathetic that I've had nothing else better to do than sit here and and whine about how I have no one to be gay with.


I brought my bike to my grandparents house for the weekend and my 76 year old grandpa decided to pull his tandem bicycle out of the shed and join me for a ride around the neighborhood.

we got about half way up the block and he stood up on his pedals as we came around the corner and then suddenly he circled back toward the house without saying a word, so I was like, "hey pops, did you forget something?" and he yelled back to me, "no.. damnit. I thought that was gonna be a fart"

Thursday, March 09, 2006

jackalbutt

someone called me vain this week. even tho I can totally see why, and I don't really disagree, it just sounded so icky.
like when I see someone who's completely and inexplicably full of themselves and I'm like "heh, somebody lied to her".
only this time I was that girl. ME (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
ugh I'm still feeling a little emo about it.


my mom started a collection to guilt the welfare recipients of her trailer park into donating money to buy me towels cos I told her we'd been drying off with napkins and baby oil.

I'll spend $300 a week getting high but theres just no way I'm paying $50 for towels.

let my fucking hair drip.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

chicks hate me

I got a friend request from tapeworms highschool girlfriend today on myspace. she is like 4 years older than me and we were never friends. obviously she is vying for my position and this was the warning shot. a slight annoyance but no cause for concern. I'm carrie damnit. and bear in mind, she has birthed children so yeah. she's shot.

I got super drunk last night and didn't go to sleep until 3 and had to get up at 6 this morning for an exam and had 4 shots of espresso on the way to class and pretty much had to take a shit the ENTIRE THREE HOURS I was testing.

also, I dont know what the major tragedy was yesterday but I'm gonna ask that you not sit in the goddamn BE shoutbox with your friends (or your enemies??!!?!! WTF?) and discuss ME(?!!) all day long.

..do it in the blogmad one :D

Thursday, March 02, 2006

oh shit rofl


happy birthday dirtbag

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

for a limited time only...




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