Friday, November 10, 2006

dont fuck the birds

on the drive to oregon my aunt told me about a guy who fucks pigeons cos he likes the way it feels when they die.
i guess they convulse or something. also when i was maybe eleven, my same aunt told me about a time when she was working the infirmary of a washington state prison and she had to review some files. one of the convicts had a really bad infection in his urethra and had to have an invasive and painful procedure involving oversized catheters. it was sort of a long term treatment and after awhile he started to rather enjoy it..
he was released temporarily and after he returned to the prison he began complaining of severe abdominal pain. he was eventually x-rayed and inside of him they saw a coiled up skeletal remain of a snake. while he was out, he had found a very thin snake, which he claimed reminded him of the catheter, and tried to wrap the end of its tail around his finger and let it slither up inside of him but he lost control; the snake got loose an crawled up inside him an died

Thursday, November 09, 2006

and somehow i still think he had a better weekend than i did..

i spent like 4 days in oregon with my parents and my aunt and uncle who are not married to each other because they are my moms brother an sister. yes that was probably more than you needed to know but you would have thot they were married if i hadn't just clarified that. anyhow. oregon sucks. i was going to meet my moms dad for the first time but instead we ended waiting for him to die all weekend cos he decided to have heart failure plus like 8 kinds of cancer an a collapsed lung all in the 6 hours it took us to drive to lincoln city. and it rained. the whole time. we stayed in some hotel on the beach an there was a huge storm and my uncle completely freaked out cos i got high in the hotel room and he called me dysfunctional (HAHAHA) and opened all the windows and doors to try an "air the room out" like the atf was about to bust in. everyone was pissed cos it was fucking freezing an windy and he was trying to act like they should all get mad at me over it cos it was my fault he HAD TO air the room like this but no one else cared an basically told him he was being a prick and once he realized it was not going his way he tried to tell me "you can go ahead an shut ONE of those windows now" and i was like "um fuck yourself". anyhow he pretty much spent the entire time pissing me off which was not smart because i promptly kicked him in the shoulder when i was getting out of the car for breakfast.
we were supposed to leave on sunday but my moms dad just wouldnt die so even tho we only brought enough clothes for 3 days they made us stay another day cos they were SURE he would not have lived thru the last 2 days already so somehow that made them think that he was definitely gonna do it tomorrow?? i dont know i still dont even understand why anyone would want to "be there" when someone died. especially if it means hanging around in yesterdays clothes. and for what? ive been home for 2 days and he still aint dead yet.

Friday, November 03, 2006

ejaculation of my soul

gentrification ruined my birthday. me an tapeworm drove for 3 hours trying to find the hood and there was nothing but townhouses. there wasnt even a lot of churches wtf.
seattle basically has no culture. just pho and totem poles.
goddamn bubble tea.

tomorrow i have to go to my parents house where i will be forced to endure my grandfather and some other random family members while eating something my mom cooked.

...whose birthday is this?

im really a troll called indofunk ;)

heh.. apparently these people dont think the "real carrie" would stalk their forum.

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