blogfart

mmm...nuts so hot and cinnamonny

2010-12-22T21:40:00.000-08:00

im back to where i was when i first started this shit; in school. only this time ive got 3 kids + a job!

and im doing it sans bonghits this round.

ive been sober for the last FOUR YEARS.
in case you're wondering, no, that does not invoke a sense of accomplishment. more like a sense of bitterness.

chomp chomp chomp?

2010-05-28T15:56:00.000-07:00

haha.. i found this in my drafts from 2008

"i thot stay at home mom translated to cartoon marathons and cupcake binges. i know i promised a mommy blog but its hard to be a mommy blogger when the only chances i get to post things only i could possibly find interest in have to be typed with one finger"

damn babies. i wish there was a tight pants ban in america. im really tired of seeing boys with side bangs in skinny jeans its emasculating. seriously if you find that attractive ure a lesbian.

i lactate 80 proof

2010-02-26T00:04:00.000-08:00

ni-hao, internet its me carrie. i almost forgot i used to have a blog what with my busy schedule of non-stop nickjr and pop tarts. tho i did manage to get knocked up again in my absence. i totally just busted out some twins last month. identical boys that i cant tell apart. tandem breastfeeding makes me feel like a farm animal. i cant possibly understand the reason for having 2 kids that are exactly the same ..im thinking of selling one maybe. i have become a plethora of fertility. my next litter will probably net me a tlc show.

2009-01-15T19:10:00.000-08:00

my uncle died like a month ago and my mom inherited his kid and his house and his business and does she share her wealth? pshhh. all i need is cable and she does not provide. im not greedy; i do not require a multitude of superfluous channels. in fact my humble request consists of broadcast stations only. just a little nbc is that too much to ask? not its not. but alas, i must suffer through antenna tv. i miss every third word of the days of our lives cos that bitch will not donate toward my need for a reliable signal. whore. of selfishness.

baby face

2008-03-31T17:06:00.000-07:00

this pic is 2 1/2 weeks ago when she was already something over 6 lbs.

i cant poop my belly button hurts i have stabbing vagina pains. fyi.

im gaining weight right.... now

2008-03-10T13:31:00.000-07:00

im due in like 5 weeks and i still havent decided on a name! i had one all picked out for a few mos and then i changed my mind (or have i?? ..shit) and now im drawing a blank on the whole thing. im tired of even thinking about it. i have to say the stupidest thing i could have done is let other people talk me into telling them what names i was considering cos everyone seems to have an opinion however unsolicited and i couldnt care less so i end up saying bitchy things to them and discarding names i was okay with just in spite of them. people are seriously pissing me the fuck off lately. just because this is my first baby everyone i talk to has some bullshit to tell me like somehow i couldnt go thru it without their input and advice. ugh, really i would rather totally fuck up on my own than have someone else tell me what to do or how to do it. people are even trying to tell me what furniture i need to move around and what needs to go where. i know they're all trying to be helpful etc but its getting hard to keep up the smile and nod routine. thus far my mother is the only person smart enough to keep her mouth shut and listen. for possibly the first time ever, but its a welcome change.

2008-02-21T11:22:00.000-08:00

babys first pic @ 10.5 weeks

i am completely exhausted and all ive done so far today is poop and have oatmeal. its still really weird to think theres someone living inside of me. those once cute little movements are turning into painful jabs. and im seriously getting the anxiety knowing ive got less than 8 weeks until i get to squeeze a whole person from my vagina and probably poop myself trying in front of a whole room full of people. i think the worst part is the whole room full of people. i know its really up to me whether or not i want the audience and i kinda really dont, but my parents are planning to come here for the birth and jasons mom talks about being there for the delivery like theres no question about it, i guess i would kinda feel bad to tell them i dont want anyone to watch.
even tho i really dont want to have to go thru surgery i secretly hope to have a c section sometimes just so i can get out of having a bunch of people staring at my vagina for a few hours. and also not having to sit on a donut when i get home. tho im sure having your gut split open feels just as nice. do you see why im panicked?? no matter how this goes down im pretty much fucked really. i keep telling myself it cant be that bad or no one would have any siblings.

gorgonzola tits

2008-01-02T11:45:00.000-08:00

i decided i need to go on dr phil so he can tell jason how retarded he is cos i tell him all the time but he doesnt believe me but surely if he heard it on television then he would know it is the real deal. i like to put peanut butter and jelly in my milk and stir it up til its only slightly clumpy and drink it cos its sooo nice. monday night i dreamt that i could see thru my stomach and the baby was talking to me and had black hair i named her olivia and then she told me she was a boy. even my maternity clothes are getting snug it is going to take many many months to remedy this mess and i dont even get to start for another three months holy fuck.

2007-12-15T15:29:00.000-08:00

so, things i havent said here... im expecting a girl and while i dont want to say i was disappointed by that news i did spend four months praying there would be a penis in one of those ultrasound pictures. it only took me a week to decide it wasnt the worst possible case scenario. after all there are things like clubfoot and autism. i guess thats a touch shittier than dresses and pigtails.
and yes ive been trying to name her, and tho i change my mind too much to stick to anything i do keep coming back to bailey. the only thing i dont like about it is that it doesnt shorten and ive also heard it might be somewhat popular (??) ..ive never met another one and it didnt rank in the ssa top 100. while i have gotten mostly positive responses, someone said it sounds like a name for a dog. another thot the middle name ought to be irish cream and someone else said it reminds them of the circus. but of course i would not be posting it here unless i expected some feedback so please, let me know what you think and suggest away.

3 bites away from a diabetic coma

2007-12-07T13:55:00.000-08:00

ive made it past the halfway mark and im still hemorrhoid free! but i am getting pretty goddamn fat. my first couple monthly weigh ins i had actually lost a few pounds. i ate a whole cake, about 4 dozen chocolate chip cookies and a pecan pie and i was SURE i had gained at least 20 pounds but the doctors scale said 4 which lead me to believe i was totally invincible. then i went to my parents house for ~~mashed potatoes and gravy~~ thanksgiving and apparently it all caught up with me. i went from needing a belt with my jeans to not being able to button them comfortably in a matter of 3 days. when i went for my next appointment they made me get on the scale twice cos they thot they had read my 12 pound gain incorrectly. damnit that was kind of embarrassing.
ive been feeling movement for about 6 weeks now at first like little flutters when ide lay very still and over the past few weeks its gotten a lot stronger to where it almost startles me. its pretty fucking awesome really. knowing it will end in just a few short months makes me a little sad but i'll probably be too busy and tired to think about it by then. crazy its taken 5 and a half months to really hit me that im going to be somebodys mommy soon, its still kind of strange to think about.

2007-10-11T17:28:00.000-07:00

i dreamt i was at the fair an i found one of those chocolate covered strawberry vendors and for $7 they were gonna give me 5 dark and 5 white chocolate covered strawberries but instead i ended up with 10 chocolate covered skewered hotdogs but this was not at all disappointing (??) cos i dint even realize thats not what i had wanted until after waking but anyhow i was eating my hotdogs and they were melting all over my face and getting extra messy and i woke myself up trying to lick my own face clean which turned out to be completely covered in drool, not melted chocolate.

welcome to my mommy blog :O

2007-09-05T12:08:00.000-07:00

yep you read it right. if you thot my blog sucked ass before just wait until i start cooing about the fruits of my uterine cakes er whatever. i'll be honest with you, so far pregnancy is completely fucked. and just seven more months to go!!! im exhausted all the time and when im not sleeping i feel sick and have intense desire for pie and grease. i have awesome dreams tho. also im somewhat panicked about the whole birthing idea. but i guess its gotta come out somehow and im bound to wind up with a gaping souvenir of my stupidity. damnit.

my boobs hurt

2007-08-09T21:30:00.000-07:00

and i hate my fucking job. extra. i have nothing else going at the moment but i am seriously considering letting tomorrow be my last day cos its that fucking miserable. ferreals yo. for obvs reasons i am not trying to identify my place of employment but i will say that i have to dress like a goddamn retard and work upwards of 12 hour shifts on a regular basis. and by regular basis i mean 6 days per week. and no they dont pay well either. you're probably wondering why i would've agreed to such a job in the first place and honestly i dont have a good answer for you cos i am asking myself that very question. clearly i am stupid. all i can blame is my new found sobriety. i never made such dumb choices when i got high. in fact when i was high all the time i managed to avoid working completely for at least 2 years. definitely a much smarter carrie on weed. i dunno if i can live here much longer cos i cant get a decent job within a reasonable distance. in seattle i could get away without driving; nothing was more than an hour away by bus. here, all the good jobs are a minimum two hour bus ride away which is not gonna work out. not even close.

i totally peed for nothing

2007-07-27T11:46:00.001-07:00

more training.. ugh yesterday was gayness. it might be too early to say for sure, but i dont think im feeling this job really. mostly, its the outfit. its indescribably lame and not comfortable. sort of a deal breaker y'know. this will be day 2 of wearing it and already im getting pretty pissy over it. i may be looking for something else again really soon. im actually somewhat looking forward to seeing my mom next month. last night i dreamt i was in seattle getting high. and it was a lot of fun damnit. i mail ordered a coupla things this week but im cheap and i took the free shipping options which are slower and waiting for them to get here is totally killing me esp cos i dont think either of them are getting here til monday at the earliest. fuck.

2007-07-26T11:19:00.000-07:00

i have orientation today. i had to call my mom last night to transfer me money cos im -$89 right now. i kinda didnt think she would do it but she actually called back a few mins ago to see if i needed more. whoa..? um yes. sometimes more is better. i sunburnt myself all day yesterday wearing my sunglasses so i have a huge red triangle in the center of my face what is my nose and white around my eyes with a red forehead also i wore a ponytail yesterday so its red all around my neck except a white line down the center of my back i look amazzzing.

2007-07-24T07:53:00.000-07:00

i got a new job! and its a damn good thing i had the foresight to lay off the dope a few months back cos indeed i had to pee in a cup for this one.
also, thats much harder than i had previously thot. i couldn't go the first time. they only allow 3 minutes and then they get really mean when you cant pee in front of them.
i had to stay there for an hour and drink water til i was sure that some evil old asian woman could no longer intimidate my bladder.
people working in pee collector positions are quite snatchy, as i suppose should be expected really. its not an ideal job description if you ask me.

heh

2007-07-16T19:47:00.001-07:00

sorry im such a big fucking gay. i blogged something earlier and now im over it so i sorta thot it best to take it down cos i dont want certain somebodies to read it and think i flipped out over nothing and not want to tell me things in the future cos im a dramaqueen. i spent like half the day on the phone and exhausted my brain of all the gayity so i suppose i feel better (?) maybe. i dont know. so yeah, if you read that and wanted to give me feedback you are totally welcome to email me still.

2007-07-13T13:09:00.001-07:00

i went to seattle last month from june 11 - 22. i spent a lot more time partying than packing but for the most part i got done what i came to do. moving my shit sucked a lot especially since i was exceptionally hungover for most of it. i dont really miss living there but i went in with the attitude that i was not going to let myself get all involved with things cos i knew i would only be there a couple weeks. i semi succeeded. i cried the last day in my old apartment when i knew it would be the last time i held my guinea pig for a long time and who knows, possibly ever. it makes me feel like im a horrible person for leaving him. again.
things with tapeworm went really well surprisingly the transition into being just friends again was very smooth and natural but ide be lying if i said it was easy to walk away again for the fact that he is the best friend ive ever had and we never hang out anymore. he pretty much spent the whole time i was there trying to hook up with random chicks he meets in bars which was somewhat entertaining and nice to see that he's moved on. my parents were annoying as usual. we have spent many years living far apart so its not really too strange being away from them but i wonder if i wont regret that someday when they're gone. my mom in particular. even while i was there i spent more time with friends than family. i was pretty relieved when it was all over and time to come home. my mom is coming here next month sometime which should be interesting. i have no way of preparing jason and his family for that so maybe i just wont. she's pretty eager to finally meet them, im just glad shes leaving my dad home. i think..
anyhow i still hate my job. they were kinda pissy about me leaving for 2 weeks so im getting "work punished" or whatever. they cut my hours a bit and i think that might be my motivation to move on. aside from the fact its boring as fuck. also it has been FOUR MONTHS since ive gotten high. i just thot ide throw that in there.

yes, this one is boring too

2007-05-30T23:40:00.000-07:00

im going back to seattle for two weeks next month. my job is kinda pissed at me about it but oh well, fuck em. i cant please everyone an i really only care to please me anyhow so yeah. i gotta get my shit outta tapeworms apt cos when i left i pretty much left everything i own there. and supposedly he has burned very little of it and is willing to let me have most of it back so long as i get it the fuck out of his place by the end of june. so thats what im gonna do. plus my mommys gonna help :D
i really wanted jason to come with me but he has a much better job than me an he cant afford to call the shots like i do which sucks for me cos im gonna miss him lots while im gone. he still hasnt even met my family. which is actually good in a sense; i dont think he's ready for my "roots". heh. im not really sure im ready for them either. its been six months and i already know im in for a culture shock.

ps they fired the pervy guy. idk why really but i like to think it had something to do with him being a 'lesterer an not taking a clue.

2007-05-16T20:13:00.000-07:00

i have a job now where i sell things to people and i completely hate it. actually it would be good if more people wanted to buy the things that i sell but when people arent buying things i get to act busy and that translates to cleaning. so mostly i have a job cleaning more things than i sell. but they do pay me, so all is not lost. also i now have to get up at six am to work out which kinda blows but oh well right. i am still seeking other endeavors, tho. there is a new guy there, newer than me, who secures things er whatever he is basically a dork and he likes me too much for my liking. he wants to buy me lunch and touch me in bad places. also he is old enough to be my dad. well, if i had been born when he was in junior high anyway. wait, i probably was. that was dumb anyhow what i mean is he is old.er. and no matter how rude i am about that fact he does not take the hint and continues to portray himself in a child molesterly manner which is endearing in its own right im sure but will continue to prove fruitless nonetheless.
in other news i have not smoked pot at all in something like two months. surprisingly i dont really miss it all that much. not at all really. i dont even think about it and considering thats basically all i did for a good ten years it seems like its been a little too easy to give up. maybe its for good. who knows.

dis-illusionment

2007-04-27T10:01:00.000-07:00

i was in a bad mood last night when i fell asleep i wont BORE YOU with all the details of why etc and now i cant decide whether its worth still being mad about today.
my best friend from highschool called me this morning for the first time in several years. her ex boyfriend got married last weekend and has a kid on the way. i was a lot surprised to hear that she is so affected by this seeing as how they broke up six years ago. she said something about him being her first love. first everything really, and only person shes ever dated that she felt very close to. she said she couldnt remember why they had stopped talking.
i could. but i decided not to mention it.
then i realized i have never felt that way before, there is no one ive ever regretted not staying together with, no one i'll ever look back on comparing everyone else to. ive been close with people ive dated, obvs tapeworm and i were together six years. and friends since 1997. but i was never affected in the way that i hear people refer to never forgetting their "first love".
strange eh? maybe.

2007-04-25T15:20:00.000-07:00

2007-04-24T16:15:00.000-07:00

all i can think about is cake! with tons of whipped frosting. and sleep. im so incredibly tired all the time i think i might be anemic. ive been cold for weeks despite 70 degree weather and when i go to sleep at night my legs itch like crazy for a couple of hours. sunday night i went to sleep at 8pm and had to force myself out of bed at 10:30 monday morning. and by 2pm I was ready for a nap. Im trying to get more iron and folate into my diet so ive switched from oatmeal to malt o meal and im eating dried plums and bean soup. cos i know you guys care.
other than that i feel pretty good tho. im in week 5 of the self challenge and so far ive spent 1640 minutes exercising. but i still havent won shit. they really need to let me win something damnit. that starbucks gift card would be nice. maybe then i could stay awake long enough to do something besides work out.

two whole weeks of sober (fuck off a little please)

2007-04-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

i completely hacked off part of my eyebrow yesterday because i fail at life and cannot use scissors appropriately. also i am reading a new book thats making me super somber and vaginal. its like basically my life and all the things i pushed out of my head a long time ago and every chapter reminds me of something else i forgot and i cannot stop reading it so by the end of the day i am feeling very quiet and do not want to interact with people cos i am busy reverting to a snatchy 15 year old cuntbag. tho i remembered it being a lot funner ten years ago. anyhow now i am going to whine a bit about having an overly attractive boyfriend who is prettier than me and also has a nicer ass than i do wtf am i doing this does absolutely zero for my self esteem i should go find uglier boys to date so i can feel superior and not want to stab myself in the face so much. i need to hurry up and make some slutty new friends to introduce him to so one of them can steal him from me and get this over with already. fuck. okay i have to go take my midmorning depression nap now bye.

vagina means never having to say you're sorry

2007-04-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

i am washing all five pieces of clothes i own right now. my boyfriend is up to no good i can tell cos he sent me a super detailed txt this morning to tell me all about his plans why he will be late after work. basically that means its blonde. that reminds me i need to re-dye my hair again i have a skunk line going down the part of my hair and i look pretty stupid. like, more than usual. everyone else is going shopping right now and i hafta stay home cos i only have clean pajamas to wear and also no money. gayness. i still have no job. to be honest with you i really dont want one either. who does right? heh. oh well. jason wants me to look for a job so we can get our own place. even tho its a good idea im not really sure if im ready for that again. sometimes i feel like we are nothing more than roommates and not even very good ones. we dont fight or anything bad but i guess im just not used to living with someone i dont really feel that close to.

last night i dreamt i went on a shitty job interview/field trip kind of thing that everyone from the private school i used to go to in elementary/middle school was there for. just seeing those people again would have been shitty enough but i was dressed like a scrub my clothes were extra too big and there was some guy like preparing me for the interview and he kept complaining about my outfit and trying to find something else for me to wear and everything he had was way too small for me and it made me feel like a massive fucking heifer. just then i decided i have become completely uninterested in my field and want to go back to college to be an RD. and now that i am awake i know its true. which really really extra sucks cos that will mean completely starting college over again and i will not be done until i am at least 30. but i know i will like it, working in a hospital and helping people and im already a nutrition nazi. plus i get to tell people what to do and be considered an expert. YES!

sadly lacking pictorial evidence

2007-04-11T11:51:00.000-07:00

this was posted in a myspace blog of a girl i knew from highschool. her shit is private so i cant link it so im reposting it here cos its extra funny. names have been changed so she cant get all pissy that i publically posted her private shit. heh.

Earlier today, my husband, daughter & I went to Auburn for a hair appointment. My husband took the opportunity to go around to the thrift stores out there to get his hands on some goodies to sell on ebay. On the way there, we marveled at how great the car looked. Jeff & Amy both worked very hard yesterday to wash & detail the entire car so it looked & smelled great!

Our hair appointment went well. We were both very happy with our hair & left feeling pleased but hungry. On the way home, we drove through Federal Way & went to Red Lobster. We all really enjoyed our meals… Amy & I both had the Salmon New Orleans with shrimp & a lemon butter sauce with veggies, mashed potatoes, a Caesar salad & biscuits. Jeff got the New York steak & prawns with a baked potato, veggies, a Caesar salad & biscuits. We all left feeling extremely content with our tummy's full to almost bursting.

This is where things started to go wrong….

We got on the freeway to drive home, when I got a bloody nose! (I have weak membranes in my nose & have always suffered from nose bleeds.) Not a big deal, right??? WRONG!! This one was BAD!!! I was bleeding so profusely from my left nostril that it couldn't come out fast enough so it was gushing down my throat! (Leave it to me to have worn my brand new white top today!!) Anyway, I was frantically searching the car for something to soak up the blood & ended up grabbing a tampon from my purse. I shoved it up my left nostril & thought "Okay, that's over with!!" WRONG AGAIN!! The blood started gushing from my other nostril!!

At that point, I was gagging because of the blood clotting in my throat so I grabbed an empty water bottle & started to spit the blood from my throat into it. I was doing alright until I started to throw up! Which I tried desperately to get into the small opening of the bottle without much success. My poor husband got one whiff of the half digested Salmon New Orleans & spewed into his hand!! Amy started laughing hysterically in the backseat!! Jeff started to laugh & sprayed puke everywhere which triggered the next reaction… Amy started to throw up & Jeff rolled her window down (since he has a control for it on his door) & she hung her head out & puked all down the side of our car!!

So, here we are doing about 70 mph on the freeway, projectile vomiting all over the freshly detailed car, laughing hysterically with me bleeding profusely all over myself & a tampon hanging from my nose! Sounds like something out of a bad movie, right?? What else could go wrong??? I PEED MY FRIGGIN' PANTS!! Yes! I admit it! I was laughing so hard & puking at the same time that I lost control of my bladder & whizzed! It wasn't a lot though! I pulled myself together almost immediately.

So, we pulled off the next exit & drove to a nearby church parking lot. THANK YOU, JESUS! We got out of the car & Jeff threw up again & Amy started gagging again when she got a look at the Salmon colored vomit with chunks of lettuce covering my entire body. She gagged so hard that she too lost control of her bladder & peed her pants! She screamed & started laughing & then announced that she peed her pants, which I responded "I did too!!" Then we all busted up laughing even harder.

Jeff walked over to the church & found a hose which we drove over to & started to try to clean the vomit & blood from my face, hands & clothes. Just then, the frickin' pastor walks out of the church & looks at us!! OMG! How embarrassing! We looked absolutely ridiculous! Here I am with blood all over my face & shirt, vomit all over the front of me, holding a dripping bottle of vomit & blood!! My husband started to explain what was going on & we all burst out laughing again! He was very friendly & went inside & got us some paper towels & chatted with us for awhile. We thanked him & cleaned up as best as we could under the circumstances. We hosed off the car on the side that Amy puked on. Wiped up the inside of the car, finished washing up & then got back in to complete our journey home.

My nose was still bleeding but had slowed considerably by that point. So, there we were, feeling the humility that only puking on yourself (& peeing our pants in Amy & my case) can bring. Still chuckling about what we must've looked like to other drivers when all of a sudden Amy announces that she's HUNGRY!! Lol :D Poor kid was left feeling hungry after having lost her whole lunch! We laughed hysterically all the way home!

THATS TIT DIRT!

2007-03-25T21:40:00.000-07:00

i think i bruised my vagina :( today me an jason went to the san diego zoo an i got sunburnt and saw camels and mini monkeys and a woman whose stomach was migrating down her pantlegs. then we went on the ski lift ride against my will an nearly made my chicken sammich consider reverse digestion. but now i am home and my arms itch and i have the sniffles. there is infection lurking in my sinuses i know cos yesterday i sneezed and the most amazingly disgusting glob of bloody green thickness landed right on my shoulder. it was totally metal.

sometimes i sleep when i drool

2007-03-22T15:08:00.000-07:00

holy shit jorell emailed me this blog is like magic alls i hafta do is put ure name innit and a coupla hours later youre all over my inbox fun huh. he says he doesnt hate me and that mean post he made wasnt about me but i kinda dont believe him :O but oh well.
he is pretty much the same really. he met a girl idk where and they are together now all the time plus she is good at math so im really happy for him about that anyhow.

yesterday i watched the truth about cats an dogs on tv and it made me all sensitive and emo cos jason kept calling the ugly girl ugly and having no sympathy for her plight er whatever. that movie was irritating cos for the whole plot to make sense hinges on the viewers ability to pretend that uma thurman is very attractive (?) apparently i lack that ability cos to me she looks like a malnourished hammerhead shark with downs syndrome.

the march installment of my bitter

2007-03-14T15:37:00.000-07:00

basically i have red hair now and i moved to california. not in that order tho, california came first. then red hair. also tapeworm and i broke up. this is all backward. 1. broke up 2. california 3. red hair. much better. okay. moving on. i am not adjusting well really, i mean to living in a different state. its rather crippling actually partly and mostly because i dont drive and i am completely unfamiliar with this area and feel like a complete retard cos i have spent the last few years in school studying real estate related washington statute and now have no idea how much of that is obsolete here and also no clue how to find a job in a related field within a reasonable distance cos i dont even know my surrounding areas. so instead i am looking for crappy jobs that are in walking distance cos i allow myself to be easily defeated like that. i keep thinking i should really learn to drive but i am super afraid of driving. like bad. especially now that i can get lost so easily.
anyhow yesterday i thot i was ready for advanced pilates except i was wrong. and it hurt a lot. oh and remember jorell? hates me. internet friends are so fickle but whatever i pretty much never use messenger anymore at least not today. all i have left is oprah and shes being totally stooopid right now.

2007-02-14T12:54:00.000-08:00

yer so pretty when ure unfaithful to me

2007-01-17T10:08:00.000-08:00

i suck at shopping even more than i suck at blogging. i set out to get jeans and sweaters and ended up with clothes i dont even own shoes to go with. ugh now i have to go try again PLUS find shoes. im probably not even a real girl cos i hate to shop and shoe shopping is the ultimate punishment for me aside from working and that is one more thing i am going to have to break down and do before long. i am really not cut out for work; im mean and not very service oriented. basically i am a total nazi. haha i should run a daycare.

dont fuck the birds

2006-11-10T14:11:00.000-08:00

on the drive to oregon my aunt told me about a guy who fucks pigeons cos he likes the way it feels when they die.
i guess they convulse or something. also when i was maybe eleven, my same aunt told me about a time when she was working the infirmary of a washington state prison and she had to review some files. one of the convicts had a really bad infection in his urethra and had to have an invasive and painful procedure involving oversized catheters. it was sort of a long term treatment and after awhile he started to rather enjoy it..
he was released temporarily and after he returned to the prison he began complaining of severe abdominal pain. he was eventually x-rayed and inside of him they saw a coiled up skeletal remain of a snake. while he was out, he had found a very thin snake, which he claimed reminded him of the catheter, and tried to wrap the end of its tail around his finger and let it slither up inside of him but he lost control; the snake got loose an crawled up inside him an died

and somehow i still think he had a better weekend than i did..

2006-11-09T11:03:00.000-08:00

i spent like 4 days in oregon with my parents and my aunt and uncle who are not married to each other because they are my moms brother an sister. yes that was probably more than you needed to know but you would have thot they were married if i hadn't just clarified that. anyhow. oregon sucks. i was going to meet my moms dad for the first time but instead we ended waiting for him to die all weekend cos he decided to have heart failure plus like 8 kinds of cancer an a collapsed lung all in the 6 hours it took us to drive to lincoln city. and it rained. the whole time. we stayed in some hotel on the beach an there was a huge storm and my uncle completely freaked out cos i got high in the hotel room and he called me dysfunctional (HAHAHA) and opened all the windows and doors to try an "air the room out" like the atf was about to bust in. everyone was pissed cos it was fucking freezing an windy and he was trying to act like they should all get mad at me over it cos it was my fault he HAD TO air the room like this but no one else cared an basically told him he was being a prick and once he realized it was not going his way he tried to tell me "you can go ahead an shut ONE of those windows now" and i was like "um fuck yourself". anyhow he pretty much spent the entire time pissing me off which was not smart because i promptly kicked him in the shoulder when i was getting out of the car for breakfast.
we were supposed to leave on sunday but my moms dad just wouldnt die so even tho we only brought enough clothes for 3 days they made us stay another day cos they were SURE he would not have lived thru the last 2 days already so somehow that made them think that he was definitely gonna do it tomorrow?? i dont know i still dont even understand why anyone would want to "be there" when someone died. especially if it means hanging around in yesterdays clothes. and for what? ive been home for 2 days and he still aint dead yet.

ejaculation of my soul

2006-11-03T11:16:00.000-08:00

gentrification ruined my birthday. me an tapeworm drove for 3 hours trying to find the hood and there was nothing but townhouses. there wasnt even a lot of churches wtf.
seattle basically has no culture. just pho and totem poles.
goddamn bubble tea.

tomorrow i have to go to my parents house where i will be forced to endure my grandfather and some other random family members while eating something my mom cooked.

...whose birthday is this?

im really a troll called indofunk ;)

2006-11-03T10:59:00.000-08:00

heh.. apparently these people dont think the "real carrie" would stalk their forum.

lol, slut

2006-10-29T11:05:00.000-08:00

wtf nsfw ffs

2006-10-27T23:16:00.000-07:00

i am totally not gonna bother warning you against reading my blog while you're at work. if you dont know what the fuck you should be doing while on your employers computer then you deserve to get fired you stupid piece of shit. and i hope its damn embarrassing too.

yes that was completely unprovoked.

i forfeit my liver

2006-10-23T04:50:00.000-07:00

today me an tapeworm smoked drugs and then i made us listen to galore and basically that entire album is about how jacque is an insatiable slut.

all my friends hate each other. and some of them even hate me.

i have achieved a new and higher level of nerddom lately my days consist of working out and listening to npr. i still have no idea what they're on about most of the time but im listening damnit.

thursday i got a letter about the "disturbances" coming from my unit. ugh.. i would totally bitch about that except im kinda exhausted of talking about it anymore. i dunno maybe later.

i found a post i wrote a long time ago like maybe a year and a half that i never posted cos tapeworm said it was "too much" and so i read it again last night to him and he still says its "too much". i think perhaps i ask him what he thinks "too much" ..but he is prolly right an thats why ure reading this instead of that.

more whining/complaining

2006-10-01T03:03:00.000-07:00

the best way to sum today up would be complete hormonal rampage. um hello internet im bleeding again.

i dropped out of school (again) i will be going back sometime in january but for now i am supposed to get a job or something sometime. heh. i am okay at working as long as it is not a neverending pit of time suckage. having to see the same people everyday totally pisses me off. like a few days i am okay with but they hafta be spread out and also i cant stay too long.

hmmm well pretty much i am back to avoiding my mother again. i had this rather extended loss of reason an accountability where i was planning to move in with them and i actually did go stay with them for what ended up being 2.375 days because thats how long it took me to get tired of my dad smelling like a bottle of bacardi before 10am. jealousy is ugly.

also my birthday will be on november 3 again this year.
prepare yourselves.

do you look like that because yer a lesbian or are you a lesbian cos you look like that

2006-09-27T11:24:00.000-07:00

tapeworm is a total phlegmtard. every morning i can hear him in the shower trying to hork up his infection and i am always finding little chunks of mucous spittle on the shower curtain and it makes me gag. the first time i tried shaving i shaved off the back of my ankle or whatever the part that has wrinkles if you dont flex your foot. i completely freaked out cos there was blood everywhere all over the bottom of the tub mixing with the water and it looked like i was bleeding to death. also one time i fell in the shower and scraped my entire back with the faucet thing. that sucked.

ugh my cousin is back to being a dyke again all her girlfriends look like boys and i dont get it cos shes not that ugly im sure she could find a nice boy to love her despite her abdominal protrusions. well she tried to blog about liking boys and also had a fake boyfriend for awhile to try an fool me and it worked for a time until i saw some interestingly dykish comments on a few of her myspace pics an decided to have a look at this commentor and did not make it halfway down the page until i saw a message from my retardid little relative saying "im not out to family yet so dont leave me any comments about being a lesbian k" obvs genius does not run in the family.

iguana scrotum

AHAHAHAH!!!!! omfg better than dog puke

2006-09-22T16:34:00.000-07:00

now 38% improved!! >:)

2006-09-21T13:49:00.000-07:00

Get Your Own Voice Player Manage

7 percent of our communications is what we say, 38 percent is the way we say it — rate, tone and inflection — and 55 percent is our body language before, during and after we say it

now call 1(641)985-7800 and enter *828889 an make me some comments bitches

monotony monogamy

2006-09-19T00:16:00.000-07:00

"show me the most beautiful girl in the world, and I'll show you a guy who's tired of sleeping with her

rather crass, i think, but true. not just for men, but for women too. and it's not just that we tire of each other, we keep getting interested in the other items on the menu.

because let's face it, marriage is an unnatural state. the notion of staying intimate with one person for the rest of your life is akin to, say, being able to eat one kind of sandwich for the rest of your life. imagine that? tell me you wouldn't be leaning over the counter, looking at the day's special, wondering, 'wouldn't it be great if I could try that smoked turkey on rye?'" -dan cronin

CRIKEY!!!!!!!!!!

2006-09-07T16:25:00.000-07:00

dont read this

2006-09-03T20:35:00.000-07:00

when I was 6 my neighbor used to babysit this girl sometimes that was my age and she only had one real eye an the other one was glass. she would throw fits when she didnt get her way and pop out the glass eyeball. one time we were in the yard playing and she was sposed to come in for lunch but she didnt want to so she popped the eye out in the grass and acted like she couldn't find it so everyone had to stop an dig thru the grass to find her eye.

pioneer square

2006-08-30T12:37:00.000-07:00

a guided tour thru seattles drinking/historical district

2006-08-27T21:03:00.000-07:00

hi.my cousin tonya was found dead in a motel room after about 3 days of decomposition. needle still stuck in her arm. my mom says she can always tell when im not doing good cos i wont call her. i think its funny cos she has it completely backward; i only call her on the rare occasion things are really shitty and i've got no one else to talk to.

fear the walrus

2006-08-26T08:01:00.000-07:00

i used to work with a girl named michael lynn on the beach and she was a dyke because she would always make me hafta do the really fucked up shit like talk to the customers an sanitize things and she thot she should just get to stand around frothing milk and gaining weight and i do not particularly like talking to people especially michael lynn so one time i put a lot of salt in her coffee and she actually quit over it. but after that i got to froth lots of milk and also talk to customers and clean everything cos they always hire pastry thieving lesbians to work at coffee shops and the new girl was to be no different.

haha no one is gonna click this huh. fuckers

2006-08-21T00:16:00.000-07:00

I have not breasts, but creamy white rape invitations!!!!

2006-08-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

tapeworm and I met one of his friends for drinks and some woman just invited herself to sit with us and started talking to me about how she had just spent all day driving here and she was a masseuse and she thought I looked like I "needed her" and decided not to ask if i minded her fondling my backside.
I was really trying to be okay about that cos she was drunk and also a professional (???) but then she started kissing the back of my neck and tapeworms friend (who had never met me before) was looking at me like i had invited this dyke freakshow over here to molest me in public. anyhow I felt completely helpless and like anything i said was gonna be a hate crime and i had probably incited all of this by even owning a vagina.

2006-08-05T11:16:00.000-07:00

my lover is your mother

2006-08-02T16:54:00.000-07:00

my uncle hung himself yesterday. I was supposed to go to tacoma to see my family but I'm hiding instead cos i just dont wanna. this is the second of my dad's brothers to kill himself. I was 14 when the first one died and I went to stay with my family in spokane for the week and my cousin chris told me that our cousin dj, whose father had just died, was actually our uncle. I was like psshhhhh whatever and he said "no really, grandpa fucked dj's mom" and I was like SHUT UP my grandpa did NOT sleep with his sons wife okay..
and i told my mom that chris was a liar and I didn't like him anymore and she was like what happened so I told her what he said and she was just quiet. I said NUH UHHHHH what kind of father fucking family have you brought me into?????? and you've left me alone with these pederasts :O what are we mormons???!!!!!!!!! how could you just not mention something like that.. but she didn't really think it was anything to get all excited over :|

is it really just my family thats so fucked or am I'm just the only one dumb enough to talk about it.

slut blog

2006-07-19T21:24:00.000-07:00

tapeworm and I are leaving each other for the same woman.
I know she wants me tho ;)
..right after iggy pop and some guy from texas,
but thats alright cos I dig leftovers.
besides, he will ignore you for video games - I will at least give you a turn. eh? who loves ya?

tix did not work today (again!!) so I made him try yoga (again!!)
..he is not so pliable really :(
I thought yoga was for everyone but even the modifications make him scream.

my mom likes to call me and gossip about everyone she knows and then make friends with them again and tell them everything I said about them while she was upset. also, she is referring to tapeworm as my "roommate" now??? unfortunately my parents were serious about moving back here. they've already bought some tiny house by my grandpa with a bathroom half the size of the one in my apartment you pretty much have to pee in the shower and wash your hands in the toilet. but they don't care cos at least they'll be living within 40 miles of a grocery store again. ..oh, and me :S

filial cannibalism

2006-07-15T13:05:00.000-07:00

before we were together, tapeworm took me and helen to a party for some dude he worked with and jacque found out about it and called tapeworm to ask why she hadn't been invited and he said, "cos I didn't want you to act like a slut and embarrass me."

when jacque was 12, her mom cut her a line and told her to do it. or they'd never be close. her stepdad was a former alcoholic/child molester, all crazy into the 12 step thing and they hid everything from him but I'm sure he had to know something was going on when no one ever slept and her mom blew glass 16 hours a day. jacque thought he was watching her through a hole in her bedroom wall. he had been convicted of sexual abuse of his daughter; the same girl jacque and her oldest brother were sleeping with. I met jacque in 1997, I was 15 and soon after that I was going to her house after school to buy dope from her mom. just like the rest of her friends.

she had to be the center of everyones attention and seldom was. the year we met we both unknowingly liked the same boy, derek. he rode her bus and one day he told her he was into me and she flipped out and tried to hit me over it. she said she knew it wasn't my fault, but she was still mad.

when jacque had a bad day at school, her mom cut her a line and told her she was too sensitive. jacque said she vaguely remembered her mom molesting her as a young girl. her 8 year old brother came to stay 2 weekends a month and she wondered if her mom was molesting him now, too.

jacque said she was afraid to quit, cos she knew that meant she wouldn't have a mom anymore. I tried to tell her that she didn't have one as it was.

the alienation blog

2006-07-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

today one of the extra special helpers bagged all my groceries and apparently he thought the bottom of the bag was a good place for my bananas so when I got home they were all mashed up in the bottom getting my cereal icky.
okay story time: my first job was at godfathers pizza and after about 3 weeks of being there I got stuck cooking for the lunch time and all my drivers were out and there was just me an the retarded guy to cover the phones, dining area, cash register and kitchen. ..yeah.
I was totally all up in a panic trying to keep the lunch buffet happy and take call in orders and fucking keep shit moving and suddenly dork boy comes up to tell me that someone left the sink on in the mens room.
and I was like okay well start mopping it up then.
after a few mins there was water rushing into the kitchen under the door and so i went back there and he was literally just pacing in front of the door to the mens room and he hadnt even turned off the water or taken out the fucking wad of paper towels some rancid little shit shoved in there. ugh. I think hiring retards is, well, retarded.

the guy across the street is a total mouth breather. he was homeschooled and has like zero social skills. you would think I could relate, but no; we don't get along. plus he lives with his sister. shes an epileptic painter and wears extraordinarily unflattering dresses made of clingy stretch material with mens socks and tennis shoes.
..no, I don't have a point.

pincushion

2006-07-10T21:03:00.000-07:00

somebody asked me if I was on drugs today.
hehehh. is it that obvious?

when I was in highschool I dated this dude named ky (like kyle) whose dad passed him around to all his friends as a young boy and he was super fucked up and hated men and my parents kicked me out cos he would sneak up in my room at night. my dad told him "I don't want you sleeping with my daughter" and I was like omg.

my first night being "homeless" we stayed at some cab drivers apt who fell asleep in his room with the door open watching gay porn at high volume. I didn't sleep at all. the night after that we stayed at another middle aged gay mans apt who seemed less than thrilled to have me there.

the next day I took acid for the first time with a girl named noelle that I met at dennys and thats when I realized my boyfriend was gay. I have no idea why he was with me, but I'm positive he was fucking those dudes in exchange for a place to stay. noelle was way cooler than him anyway and I had never done drugs before so we took off all our clothes and ran down broadway at like 2p.

I saw a blind guy on the bus wearing glasses. maybe I'm just a dick, but I thought it seemed pretty redundant.

dirty carrie

2006-07-09T18:46:00.000-07:00

ugh I have to post something new cos I am tired of seeing that dude's sack at the bottom of my page.

I have done basically nothing this entire week except play video games and touch myself a lot.
..holy retard I'm turning into a teenage boy????

um speaking of teenage boys I have spent pretty much all day talking to a 16 year old and by talking I mean breaking the law.

when I was like 5 me and my best friend jake used to dig for worms in my backyard and if we couldn't find enough I cut em in half with my playdoh knife so I could share with him :)

but the nastiness is that I know I've put these in my mouth D:

why I <3 bee:

2006-07-09T11:56:00.000-07:00

Happy Fuckday!!
Fuck gas prices !! Fuck backstabbers !! fuck CHEATERS !! Fuck no ORGASM !! Fuck mean people !! Fuck people that can't drive !!Fuck having no money !!!Fuck jeans being to much money !~! FUCK EVERYTHING THAT MOVE!!!! Fuck hangovers ~Fuck Finals !!
Fuck girls that THINK my Exs wants them !!! Fuck girls who pretend to be your friend to get to sleep with your ex!!! Fuck people who are your friend only until they don't need you anymore - friends who use you. FUCK working 13 HOURS ON SUNDAY MORNING TILL FUCKING LATE EVENING..!!!!~ FUCK living in fucking HONG KONG!! ~

FUCK PEOPLE WHO HATE ME! Fuck IT ALL...!! fuck condoms~
Fuck people who think pugs AND ENGLISH BULL TERRIERS.. are ugly!! FUCK NDONESIAN POLITICIAN~!!! Fuck me please if your hot~~ FUCK Girls who dont like to give DICK head a suck!! Fuck Liars!!!! Fuck Fruit at the Bottom yogurt! Fuck !! Fuck the RAINS..!! Fuck Lowe/ LV..DIOR..FUCKERS!!! Fuck deadbeat dads !!! FUCK my JOB.. today!!Fuck PEOPLES AIN'T Pittsburgh Fans!! Fuck being just friends ( stupid whores ) !!! Fuck YOU!!!! Fuck the Government !!! Fuck my job again...today (That' s right not going) !! FUCK FUCKING STUPID LIARS! ~fuck the fucking dumd head shit eater.. buttlicker!!!! FUCK PRESIDENT BUSH AND FUCK YOU BAMAS HATING ON PITTSBURGH FANS.. FUCK THE PERSON YOU ARE WITH YOU WILL LIKE IT!! fuck who hate cow and eat elephant..!! Fuck not having a second car, and having to stay home all day..!!!Fuck the price of houses! !!Fuck Mother In-Laws!! Fuck not able getting SEX for half year!!!!!!FUCK THOSE GUYS WHO NOT ABLE TO GIVE A GOOD FUCK !!!!!!!!!!!! fuck a guy who fuck me to PERIOD!! Fuck stupid foreign fuckers that try to hit on me and wont go away when i say go away!!! Fuck life in general!!! Fuck self centered, egotistical, manipulating, lying, live by a different set of rules people!!! Fuck stupid people goggling at my boobs..!!! FUCK THE PERSON WHO SPAM ME LIKE MOTHERFUCKER ON MSN.. FUCK LEVI'S JEANS ARE FUCKIN TIGHT!! FUCK THE LINGERIE PRICE.. Fuck the person who FUCK ME AT MY 15 and half..! Fuck people who know diving..!! fuck my filthy mouth!! FUCK EX STUPID BOYFRIENDS THAT THINK I STILL HAVE A FEELING!!! FUCK THEM! FUCK..ummm...YOU! and Fuck the BUTT LICKER..fuck the SHIT EATER.. FUCK THE FUCK FACE LOSER.. TALK NO SHITS...!! Fuck HER BF'S AssHoles ... !! FUCK BRAINLESS SMALL DICK GUYS !!!! FUCK MALE SLUTS...FUCK BRAD PITT@@ FUCK HIS NEW GF!! FUCK HIS BABYMOTHER !!!!FUCK NOSY ASS NEIGHBORS
FUCK PARIS HILTON! FUCK KYLE...I HATE HIS RETARDED ASS!!!! FUCK MY EX GAY B/F!! FUCK MY EX G/F TITS!!! FUCK THE STUPID "PROFILE TRACKERS" ON MYSPACE!!! FUCK GODMOTHER .! AND FUCK ALL YOU STEELER HATERS OUT THERE !
FUCK FUCKING STRESS!!!! FUCK STUPID PEOPLE AGAIN..!!
Fuck love no sex..!! FUCK paying for downloaded music!!!FUCK RELATIONSHIPS !! FUCK video games...LOL .... FUCK THIS PLANET! FUCK ROPE!!!! fuck it drive on !!!!!!! Fuck all the bitchin' and moanin'!!! FUCK bikini haters.. Roma Irama..... FUCK it up!! Fuck dirty tampon!! Fuck ex-BFs who have nothing better to do with their time than to use what love you still HAD for them to fuck with your head and heart one more time!!!! FUCK ex-boyfreinds that fuck all the sluts in the cklubs..!!! FUCK ex-boyfriends that fucking don't take care of their kids!!! Fuck people who make promises they can't keep !!! Fuck anything yellow..!! FUCK!!! Fuck my clients!! FUCK my life cuz it sucks ass !!! fuck the girl who is in relationship with my Exs..!!! Fuck me.. Seriously!!! Fuck loud ass BASS WAKING ME UP 15 TIMES A DAY!!! fuck being single, im sick of not getting SEX..!!! FUCK those wants fuck my ass, seriously it small like heck.. and it fucking hurts like hell!!! Fuck you you fucking fuck face loser shiteater.. ass cancer loser Bali Bomb maker!!! FUCK ALL OF YOU!!! Fuck NOT able to fuck brad pitt..!! Fuck stupid aliens!!! Fuck those cheat on a single mother loser!!! Fuck lame ass small dick guys !!!! FUCK ALL THE GUYS WHO WON'T RAPE ME AT ONCE!!! FUCK MICKEY MOUSE AND HIS NASTY GF !!.fuck the rest of DISNEYLAND..!! .FUCK THIS PERIOD SHITS..!! FUCK PEOPLE WROTE LIKE THIS " MY 3N3MiiGAZ FUCK MY HAT3RZ N FUCK DAT ON3 BiiTCH GiiGGL3Z!!115.FUCK VANS PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
fuck ugly children. hahahahaha!!
FUCK GOD..!! FUCK THOSE FUCK ME AND NOT CARE TO LICK MY PUSSY AND SUCKS MY TITS..!!! FUCK BIG BIG COCK CAN'T COOK AND FUCK!!!
FUCK EVERYONE THAT ENVY MY BEAUTY...!! FUCK EVERYONE THAT HATE MY WITTY!! FUCK AND... fuck this !! FUCK ALL YOU MOTHAFUCKIN COCKSUCKIN 2 BALL BITCH FAGGOT ASS MOTHAFUCKERS !!!
Fuck Hong Kong.....I'm moving back to Bali !!!
Fuck New Year eve in Hong Kong!! Fuck not able getting fuck in Bali last year.. Fuck I'll have good fuck in Bali for next summer!!!! Fuck Ass Cancer !!!Fuck Cheapshot!!! Fuck Cheapskates!! FUCK CHEAP CHAMPANGE... FUCK WHO CALL ME SNOBBY BITCH..!!! FUCK TOO POOR NOT ABLE GO TO SCHOOL!!! .fuck KIDS WHO HATES SCHOOL!! fuck who REFUSE TO follow my rules !!! Fuck guys who think they are hot shit even they are HOTTEST!!! fuck girls who think they are CUTE even they are ugly like HELL..!! fuck having to be in fuck in 1 hour nonstop!!
Fuck this shit... FUCK ME PLEASE!!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK !! FUCK PEOPLE WHO NEVER BUY ME DINNER.. FUCK THOSE WHO TRYING TO RAPE ME IN THE ASS!! FUCK THOSE WHO USE ME AS A SLAVE.. FUCK THOSE JEALOUS CUNTS !! FUCK THOSE UNAPPRECIATE MY THOUGHTS.. FUCK THOSE WHO THINK I AM NICE, FUCK THOSE WHO THINK I AM NOT A BITCH, FUCK THOSE HAVING ANAL SEX WITH HORSE.. FUCK GIRLS WHO AIN'T FILTHY MOUTH... FUCK THOSE SEXY HATERS.. FUCK THOSE STUPID COCK ..... FUCK..FUCK..FUCK..FUCK....!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!FUCK YOU I AM NOT A STUPID.. FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK I AM NICE AGAIN...
FUCK ME YOU WILL HAVE A GOOD LUCK

bee wrote this post!! in case you didn't notice the link at the top. she is amazing. fuck my blog; go read hers :D

no bitch to me.

2006-07-04T14:59:00.000-07:00

okay lets get one thing straight. you are wrong. dead wrong.
pretty much always. and you would do well to remember that.
its called blogofcarrie because I do the talking here; you just kiss my ass. you are more than welcome to tell me exactly how much I rock and should you feel the need to say anything beyond that is why you have your own blog. I allow comments not critiques and I don't need your negativity, I've got plenty. (yes I just told you that I don't want to hear it and I couldn't give a shit what you think about that). now carry on.

ps. this is raging menstruation carrie. please come back in 5-7 days.

faggoliath

2006-06-26T16:37:00.000-07:00

this blog is crippling me. I have pictures to upload but I am too special to get them off my phone. practically everyone at the gh is a lesbian now so me and tapeworm ate cupcakes and synthesized vitamin d.

I called my dad last sunday to say happy fathers day and he was too drunk to hold a conversation so I guess it was a good one. he was introducing me as his wife's daughter which is probably indicative of more than just his stupefaction. I am totally gonna pull my hair over one eye soon.

a nugget for you

2006-06-15T22:52:00.000-07:00

the problem with helping people other than it being a total waste of time is that it only serves to perpetuate their helplessness and validate it for them. people that need help are lazy and the only reason they don't get it is because they don't pay attention when someones there to show them what the fuck they need to do. they are somehow under the assumption that you are there to do it for them and that its gonna do them any good to have the right answers if they don't know how they got there. it is pretty much decided i am not interested in tutoring because smart kids don't need help.

he's a real pantshitter

2006-06-12T10:54:00.000-07:00

tapeworm did not go to work today because he can't stop shitting himself. then the toilet flusher broke off (!!!!!!!!!!!!) and I have no idea what I am supposed to do about that actually but I am hoping it does not involve having the maintenance man up here again. my place is rather trashed plus he is a total molester.

we spent the whole weekend at my parents house but mostly at the bar down the.. um, street? I guess. I got amazingly drunk because there is really nothing else to do and all the "locals" were completely obsessed that we're from a real city and wanted to live vicariously through my bra.

the only weed they have is brown and poverty makes me sad kinda so I shared mine and I think they may have mistook my generosity for kindness, but in truth was merely another opportunity for me to show off and act superior.

why are you still here????

2006-06-04T02:36:00.000-07:00

I am basically a genius at nutrition now although no one cares to heed my advice at all. obesity = retardation. seriously.

anyhow, I have decided that I will take zero classes this summer and maybe tutor people or get a job but probably not.

yesterday brokeback bob stopped by right in the middle of pilates cos he lacks the foresight to call ahead and see if anyone even wanted to see him so I didn't stop the entire time he was here. he lives like 40 minutes away and his wife doesn't let him get high so he just pops over whenever and says some shit like "I was just in the neighborhood" which is total crap so I won't get him stoned until he admits he came over just to freeload and hide from his bitch.

also, if you haven't sat thru the atrocity that was brokeback mountain DONT. unless you are into vulgar tasteless displays of homo cock thrust and tent desecration. with all those sheep out there they just HAD to fuck each other huh? I don't buy it.
to be honest, Im kinda hurt that none of you cared enough to question my judgement on that one. thanks guys.

talk nerdy to me

2006-05-30T11:16:00.000-07:00

yesterday tapeworm and I went to some old peoples house that smelled of sauerkraut and incontinence and I sat on their couch and demystified finance and got a pee rash or something and had to scratch myself a lot.

also we took tapes mom shopping and she rented get rich or die tryin and then spilled a rootbeer float in the car and didn't tell anybody.

my parents were here for like 5 mins saturday and my dad launched into a panic attack and totally stroked out for no reason. they are set on moving back to seattle now because they "miss me" and have some absurd expectation that I will want to come live with them again.

I have to go make tapeworm watch brokeback mountain now because I know how much he really doesn't want to watch it and the thought of seeing his little homophobic toes curl up when he sees cowboys touching each other is making me way excited.

things that suck:

2006-05-18T23:20:00.000-07:00

not having my shoutbox anymore. so what if I ignored you I still liked it.

never knowing the names of any of the famous people I am trying to talk about.
..or when I assign them names that no one else knows. and also not even be able to tell you what show they're from or what movies they've been in. this is a real problem actually.

not being stoned enough. wait.. I can fix that!

having people live upstairs. especially the ones that live up there now and DID I TELL YOU that I went up there and she answered the door in her bra? I told you people before that I am an irresistably unattainable lesbian fantasy HOWEVER annoying me until I come upstairs and knock on your door to tell you that you have succeeded in irritating me just so you can try and throw all your lesbianation at me in one.. um, door answering.. just goes above and beyond the call of duty.
I am way easier than that.

dawsons creek only comes on once a day. I don't really give a shit what you people think about it, one is just never enough. how did I used to manage when it was only on ONCE A WEEK??????!!!! baffling. I am totally retarded for that show.

ugh this list sucks.

one time I almost lost my arm working a production line in a magnet factory. I was feeding sheets of magnet into 2 big rollers that pressed them to adhesive backed photos and my hand got caught for a second. there is a button to stop them, but that was not my first reaction. it was totally stressful.

"mama, I smoked the tv"

2006-05-17T10:31:00.000-07:00

tapeworm has the crabbies. he says its just the heat but I think he secretly hates me and wants me to move out, only for some reason he is punishing himself so he keeps telling me I'm completely insane. when he washes the dishes he sprays water all over the kitchen and makes a huge mess and I know if I say anything about it he will just not do them anymore and he is actually flooding the kitchen with the exact intention that I will bitch and he will no longer have to do dishes.

my mom got a new dog. she had her last one euthanized because she thought it barked too much. also I am going to tell you all some riveting information via my textbook about why fat people are fat and can't not be fat because lets face it everyone hates them and thats just not nice cos well, they're people too apparently.

fat cells may increase in size and number when there is a positive energy balance. obese people have more fat cells than normal and they are also larger. when energy out exceeds energy in, their sizes dwindle, but not their number. people with extra fat cells tend to regain lost weight rapidly; with weight gain, their many fat cells readily fill.

In contrast, people with an average number of enlarged fat cells may be more successful in maintaining weight lost; when their cells shrink, both cell size and number are normal.

there are also more complex hormonal influences at work to make the fat cells of an obese person super efficient at storing fat as well but thats too much to blog and you get the point.

..this makes it rather obvious why "dieting" does not work-- the second you stop, those efficient fat cells win. the only changes worth making are those you can commit to lifelong ;)

breasticles!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-05-15T10:18:00.000-07:00

my cousins brain exploded last year. she married some guy she met in narcotics anonymous. they had a lot in common, namely 8 children and cocaine.

she and I were both adopted and my family was never okay with me bringing home black guys but it was fine for her cos she was mexican (???????????) and they didn't feel that they could expect her to keep it white.

when I was in first grade, my teacher had us cut faces out of construction paper and put yarn hair on it and they were supposed to be our self portraits. somehow I was surprised when she asked me why I had chosen to use brown paper for my pale face and black yarn instead of yellow for my blonde hair.

I had like zero white friends and I begged my mom for months to let me wear my hair in braids like the girls down my block had. eventually she gave in and sectioned my hair up in like 5 ponytails and braided them and put 5 of my little clips in the bottoms to hold them in place and sent me off to school.
heh. I didn't quite fit in like I thought I would.

attractive nuisance

2006-05-12T23:22:00.000-07:00

I used to hang out with this retarded girl named nikki when I was in highschool cos she smelled bad and had sandpaper face and well. I just looked really good standing next to her :D so yeah anyhow she pissed me off one day when I was at her house so I was gonna steal one of her cds while she was in the shower and when I was going thru them I found some shit she stole from me and I was like NUH UH BITCH!!!!!! and stole it right back. that cunt.

ugh saturday classes are gaaaaaaaaaaay. how can I be expected to read when there's so much beer in the world?

hi.

2006-04-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

yesterday I told my mom I am having anxiety about getting old and she basically called me stupid. not that she's wrong but that wasn't exactly the consolation I was after. anyway I am about 5.5 years away from noticeable deterioration and that bothers me.

when I woke up my dvr was full and there was this whole overwhelming urgency about having to watch all my shows at once to make room for all my new shows to get recorded.
you don't know stress.

post

2006-04-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking it was probably time I had posted something new.

HORK!

2006-04-15T23:50:00.000-07:00

I hurt myself right promptly for nice weather and drinking.
well the drinking is not going to be affected really.
...and I guess neither is the weather.
but I am pretty sure something about that equation is going to be a bummer even if I can't put my finger on it right now.
OH and then I got sick (!!!!!!!!!!)
not like puking on myself and sleeping by the toilet sick;
this is all about sneezing bloody clumps of infection and disgust plus I can't hear myself talk and I want to jam q-tips in my ears until they work again.
stop acting like you give a shit.

I read that sleeping can alter the shape of your boobs and now I am SUPER PARANOID to lay down for fear that I may adversely affect my assets.

less fortunate than whoM?

2006-03-29T23:16:00.000-08:00

my mom is being a total cunt and I have pretty much been extricated from the rest of my family because they are all insecure and intimidated by my genius and sheer earning power. I will be the most successful person they know soon and they totally hate that.

I have had a headache for about 4 months now and I think it might be a tumor or something equally tragic because I am feeling dramatic and I want it to be important.

for a minute today I was seriously considering volunteer work at a homeless youth organization I used to take advantage of and then I remembered that I totally HATE homeless people and the last thing I want to do is spend 20 thankless hours every week trying to help a bunch of losers who don't even care to help themselves. which made me question why I was considering it in the first place. and I think I associate that place with being irresponsible and having people coddle me for it. even tho being homeless sucks a lot, it is the ultimate vacation from life.

there is a noise war going on between me and the people upstairs and they are of course winning because all they have to do is run across the floor to be annoying and I have to actually stand on my furniture and beat the ceiling which is more inconvenient.

this is too much stress to have over something so insignificant but its also impossible to ignore people stomping and screaming and jumping off the furniture 24 hours a day. these people are totally fucked. if I had a basement I would hang myself in it. actually if I had a basement I wouldn't have to hang myself anymore because I probably couldn't hear them from down there. I would just have to only hang out in the basement from now on. which depending on how cool my basement was I may still want to hang myself in it.

I am kinda in a really shitty mood and everything I say sounds like whining and I am seriously starting to annoy myself.

OMG Y'ALL

2006-03-24T18:59:00.000-08:00

I'm on 25 peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay so actually I got tha boot. after just 2 days. I guess my face was just too butty. or you selfish fucks weren't clicking my links enough. what the fuck? (!!!!!!) tho not to worry; I've re-submitted another pic and I will probably just keep doing that forever until someone gets so tired of seeing my retarded pictures that they leave me comments mean enough to convince me not to do it anymore.

holy shit tapeworm got a job and I am being super bitter and totally not happy at all because now we will never see each other again really and I will also be responsible for getting myself to school. it feels like I am losing more than I'm gaining out of this.

I have 8 classes left until graduation. thats like 8 classes left until I have to grow up, too.

ugh that was so emo. I sound about 8 hours away from menstruation.

mein kolon

2006-03-15T00:07:00.000-08:00

all my cousins totally hate me cos I've been way better than all of them since like, birth. plus I was the youngest and spent my whole first 7 years as a full time narc.

when I was 4 my cousin matt fed me like half a box of dog jerky and told me it was real beef jerky but I knew there was something wrong with it cos he was actually being nice and so I told my grandma and she got extra pissed and made him eat the whole rest of the pack.

when he was in 2nd grade he got lice so bad he plucked out all of his eyelashes. I never met his mom but I'm pretty sure she was a hooker.

he moved in with my aunt and her husband/his dad when he was like 10 but he was pretty much fucked from go and by the time he was 17 they'd finally had enough of him and were like, "get out" and so he and his scumbag friends would break into their house a whole bunch and steal everything and pawn it for heroin and he stole her car a few times and spent a good amount of time in jail.

I'm pretty sure he was gay. well his dad turned out to be anyhow. one time my aunt came home early from work and walked right into some kind of nazi meeting in her basement. he had swastikas hung on 3 walls and everyone was dressed in uniform.

when she filed for divorce, he had his hair dyed blonde cos he thought it was because he was starting to look old.

6 months after he moved out she found some unmarked videotapes and popped one in the vcr where she saw her ex-husband and a couple of his co-workers attempting to make their own amateur gay porn.

..I don't remember where I was going with this.

have you ever tried our sausages?

2006-03-10T04:07:00.000-08:00

jorell has been sick for 2 and 1 half days and basically my life is so pathetic that I've had nothing else better to do than sit here and and whine about how I have no one to be gay with.

I brought my bike to my grandparents house for the weekend and my 76 year old grandpa decided to pull his tandem bicycle out of the shed and join me for a ride around the neighborhood.

we got about half way up the block and he stood up on his pedals as we came around the corner and then suddenly he circled back toward the house without saying a word, so I was like, "hey pops, did you forget something?" and he yelled back to me, "no.. damnit. I thought that was gonna be a fart"

jackalbutt

2006-03-09T04:31:00.000-08:00

someone called me vain this week. even tho I can totally see why, and I don't really disagree, it just sounded so icky.
like when I see someone who's completely and inexplicably full of themselves and I'm like "heh, somebody lied to her".
only this time I was that girl. ME (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
ugh I'm still feeling a little emo about it.

my mom started a collection to guilt the welfare recipients of her trailer park into donating money to buy me towels cos I told her we'd been drying off with napkins and baby oil.

I'll spend $300 a week getting high but theres just no way I'm paying $50 for towels.

let my fucking hair drip.

chicks hate me

2006-03-04T16:31:00.000-08:00

I got a friend request from tapeworms highschool girlfriend today on myspace. she is like 4 years older than me and we were never friends. obviously she is vying for my position and this was the warning shot. a slight annoyance but no cause for concern. I'm carrie damnit. and bear in mind, she has birthed children so yeah. she's shot.

I got super drunk last night and didn't go to sleep until 3 and had to get up at 6 this morning for an exam and had 4 shots of espresso on the way to class and pretty much had to take a shit the ENTIRE THREE HOURS I was testing.

also, I dont know what the major tragedy was yesterday but I'm gonna ask that you not sit in the goddamn BE shoutbox with your friends (or your enemies??!!?!! WTF?) and discuss ME(?!!) all day long.

..do it in the blogmad one :D

oh shit rofl

2006-03-02T03:47:00.000-08:00

happy birthday dirtbag

for a limited time only...

2006-03-01T07:16:00.000-08:00

naked pictures of carrie

its amazing I don't get raped more often

2006-02-27T01:23:00.000-08:00

our phone number is changing on the 1st and I was gonna post the number here until it got shut off but then I got paranoid that someone could be all nerdy and find my address and everything from it so I tried to do it and omg it works. I'm totally gonna go all stalker now. if I ever find any random mystery phone numbers I will scout out their owners and IDENTIFY THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plus you might want to think twice about posting your whole name on your blog cos I even looked up some of YOU. yes. its true. luckily for you all I'm one of the good guys. I don't have any plans to kidnap, rape, kill or throw any of your bodies in a dumpster.
but y'know if it happens, it happens.

around 7pm I was late to meet up with tapeworm and he had already left so I was walking around downtown looking for a phone and saw a guy glance up at me as he was getting into his car and I paused to ask him if he knew where I could find one and he said, "actually, yeah, I'm headed up that way. can I take you?" unlocked the door and cleared the seat. I didn't hesitate to accept the invitation. after all, I had approached him. I got in the car and as promised, he drove up the hill and about 4 blocks south before pulling upside a payphone in front of a large office building. I thanked him and got out of the car, shutting the door behind me and proceeded to make my call. when I finished he was still there and didn't appear to be doing anything but waiting for me so I waved and went on my way. as I reached the curb I saw him turn his car around and he drove back toward the way we came. I walked in the same direction along side the endless string of parked cars lining the street until I came upon one with a man sitting inside smiling at me. waving with one hand and masturbating with the other. the same man I had just ridden with a few blocks back.

I have a feeling my grades are about to tank

2006-02-25T19:24:00.000-08:00

I loved (the idea of) battle of the blogs but it was pretty much a disaster from go. the same 5 housewives sat in there all day fixing battles and voting for people based on how much they paid for their webdiva template. and while they do look nice, a pretty picture does not a blogger make.
and it got old. damn old.

no one was really having fun anymore and people were actually getting kicked out for reporting cheating and complaining about it.

I honestly couldn't care less about empty blog traffic, but I liked playing the games damnit. all of the other blog traffic services are carbon copies of each other that don't offer anything but surfing and can't even manage to distribute traffic; the ONLY thing they claim to do. 500 credits shouldn't last a month. and theres just no way in hell I'm going to sit here and click to watch the same 10 blogs rotate.

...but I will cage fight :D

theres finally a place for those of us who liked to pit ourselves against each other without turning everything into a popularity contest.. no more people IM'ing me to vote for them (!!) no more mommy blog domination. and (hopefully) no more WHINING. oh, and get exposure for your blog too :p

plus you can transfer credits to other people, rate blogs on varb, upload your pics to create custom puzzles and put together puzzles made by other bloggers. theres actually a ton of shit to do at blogmad. its quality surfing and has made quite the bump in my visitors as well. I'm way impressed. I spent at least 3 hours there today for their trial launch and still didn't see everything!
(..or get any homework done)

its currently 'invite only' but all you gotta do is ask for one. and if you had signed up back in the day when they first started taking members, you're already in.

also I found a whole community dedicated to hating rachael ray.

thats actually not part of blogmad.
but it should be.

I never realized how important boobs are for women until I saw one who didn't have any.

I hope the effing olympics are about over. oprah at 3 isnt really working out.

who gives a fuck what you think?

2006-02-19T15:56:00.000-08:00

heh.. me

you don't have to be a long-time reader to participate, so long as you have gotten a general impression of me through my blog or comments I've made.

I would appreciate your honest opinion rather than your attempts at humor, but I'll take what feedback I can get and promise not to track you down and kill you for disagreeing with me.

click on the links below and choose 5 or 6 words you think best describe me. good AND bad :D

johari window nohari window

This tool allows me to see which qualities others perceive in me, and which ones are merely my own imagination. This is a tool for self-improvement.

interpreting the window:

Terms selected by both the participant and their peers are placed into the Arena quadrant, representing the fact that everyone involved knows these particular pieces of information about the participant individual; they have been openly communicated.

Terms selected only by the participant, but not by any of their peers, are placed into the Façade quadrant, representing information about the participant of which their peers are unaware. The choice is then up to the participant whether or not to self-disclose this set of information.

Terms that are not selected by the participant but only by their peers are placed into the Blind Spot quadrant. These represent information of which the participant is not aware, but others are, and they can decide whether and how to inform the individual about these "blind spots".

Terms which were not selected by either the participant or their peers remain in the Unknown quadrant, representing the participant's behaviors or motives which were not recognized by anyone participating. This may be because they do not apply, or because there is collective ignorance of the existence of that trait.

I nicked this from omnamaste.

thats a 'whites only' pie

2006-02-17T16:27:00.000-08:00

my mom called yesterday for the first time since christmas. it was good to hear from her in the obligatory sense but exhausting otherwise. I had the number changed this morning.

my school is having a racist bake sale where they're gonna charge people based on their earning potential. that means white men get taxed and cripples pretty much eat for free. I'm totally gonna go cos I'm a woman. thats something of a handicap.

(click image to view full-size flyer)

I have rum and 4 jugs of pineapple juice. plus I can pause live television now. my quality of life is beginning to surpass even my own expectations :D

ugh. the internet bores me

2006-02-15T22:01:00.000-08:00

fuck you guys. I'm watching television.

Amo il collo del tacchino

2006-02-14T01:43:00.000-08:00

Antonio: 02/12/2006 3:53 AM

E da molto che ho scritto questa poesia dedicata a Sofia, ma non ho avuto mai l’occasione di raccontargliela di persona, per cui la colgo adesso, tramite voi se mi fareste questo favore. So che è molto difficile ma sapendo che e stato il suo compleanno ne approfitterei a fargli gli auguri, se ritenete che questa mia poesia sia bella, potreste fargliela avere, al solo scopo che possa capire che veramente c’è gente semplice che gli vuole bene e l’ammira, come attrice e come persona .Veramente mesi fa sono stato alla trasmissione di Maurizio Costanzo Show, come spettatore ma ho avuto vergogna ha consegnare la mia poesia al signor Maurizio, anche perché beccai una serata, che si parlava della morte di pantani .Ma forse sarebbe più bello per me se oggi ricevesse questa poesia .Ora ve la racconto .Ha scusate io mi chiamo Antonio Cirillo e sono di Acropoli in provincia di Salerno, in via Emanuele Di Sergio.

DEDICATA A SOFIA LOREN

Tu sei bella, bella, bella.
Tu sei bella come una stella.
Sei nel cielo la più splendente,
sei la più bella del firmamento.
Non credevo nell’amore
ed ora sono innamorato,
se ti guardo, nei miei occhi,
c’è una luce che si accende.
Il mio corpo vibra forte
come una foglia al vento,
le mie mani che vorrebbero
accarezzare la tua pelle,
perché sei bella, bella, bella.
ma lontana a l’orizzonte.
Non ti posso stringere al cuor
Perché tu sei troppo grande
Sei un vulcano in esplosione
Una nube incandescente che
Brucia tutto quando scende
Tu per me sei come il sole,
come tutti i suoi tramonti
ci regala i suoi colori
infuocati dal calore.
Perché sei bella, bella, bella
Tu sei bella e sei una stella
Sei una statua tutta D’ORO
Con due occhi da brillanti
Tu per me sei il più bel
Fiore che la natura ci ha regalato.
Grazie Sofia di esser nata.

"this is abusery!"

2006-02-08T12:48:00.000-08:00

this morning I had the most infuriating dream where my dad was trying to control everything like usual and he had contracted some people to enforce his decree and they tried to impose a weed limit on me and I had to draw the line at that. but of course he was too caught up in his dictatorship to listen to reason and so I had no choice but to lay down the beatings. I was super pissed cos I threw all my rage into every swing but none of my fucking punches would connect. I woke up feeling all unsatisfied and with no other recourse than to take my aggressions out upon the toilet.

I ate paint chips when I was little

2006-02-06T01:47:00.000-08:00

people I dont know came over last night and the first thing they did was totally stress me out. somehow this girl thought it was gonna be cool for her to just start taking my animals out of their cages and when I told her not to she was like "oh, no its okay; I work at petco."

tapeworm told me that road turtles were there so that blind people could drive. he said there was an abundance of turtles and they used to glue real ones to the street until the animal rights activists intervened.
and I totally believed it.

I found a baby turtle when I was 6 and named him I Love You Turtle and brought him home with me to live but he died a few months later and my dad helped me bury him in a jewelry box in the backyard next to the garage but I missed him so I dug him up every day to give him a little kiss on his head. then one time I pushed in his eyeballs.

mugu guyman keep offfffffffffffffff ooooooooooooo

2006-02-01T03:41:00.000-08:00

saturday I tried to climb in the back of the car and fell out on my ass in the middle of the student parking lot. I have no idea how that happened but like 6 fucking carloads of people stopped to laugh at me.

tapeworm and I broke up 4 times last week.
once over a movie and twice over food.
I cant remember what the other reason was so maybe it was just 3.

I've been nominated for the national deans list. apparently I'm ranked in the top half of 1% of the nations college students.

if thats true, we should all be very afraid.

I havent opened my textbooks once yet and I'm about 5 weeks into the quarter. I can only do like one thing well at a time and right now thats watch tv.

let them eat carrie

2006-01-31T15:39:00.000-08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Carrie!

The first carrie was made in 1853, and had no pedals!
Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat carrie'.
If carrie was life size, she would stand 7 ft 2 inches tall and have a neck twice the size of a human.
To check whether carrie is safe to eat, drop her in a bowl of water; rotten carrie will sink, and fresh carrie will float!
There are six towns named carrie in the United States.
Carrie is 1500 years older than the pyramids.
Some people in Malaysia bathe their babies in beer to protect them from carrie!
On average, women blink nearly twice as much as carrie.
Half a cup of carrie contains only seventeen calories.
Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of carrie in a day.

ask carrie

2006-01-13T20:43:00.000-08:00

Hi Carrie,

I find your non-convention life to be very interesting! I really admire your determination to live life as you see fit, and not cave into the will of others.

Last year my boyfriend and I decided to embark on a "trial separation". We originally planned to do this for only 2 months, however the months kept going by, and it now has become a year. I think neither of us had the courage to make a final decision.

We have remained friends all this time, however we do not live together anymore, and I know I am no longer aware of everything that goes on in his life. I believed we had an unspoken rule about not dating anyone else. And I've kept that promise; recently I've come to suspect he is seeing someone. While I know I don't own him anymore, I do feel hurt as if this new relationship of his is cheating on me. I really want to get married and have children, and I feel that he would be the perfect father. I am not sure how to approach him and let him know that I still am madly in love with him. I want to confront his new girlfriend and explain to her what she is trying to wreck, but I'm afraid it will drive him away from me forever when he finds out. I'm really at a loss on what to do!

Ash

thats because people like you never want to accept that the answer doesn't necessarily involve getting what you want.
Ima put it to you blunt Ash, cos I know you thats why you came to me in the first place.

a year is a long ass time and I think you're kidding yourself if you think he is sitting around playing convent with you.
Im assuming that this separation is something he initiated because
a) you're presenting it as if it were a mutual thing and well, it just never is,
b) I think you'd feel less reluctant to "make a final decision" if you'd actually been a part of the original decision, and
c) you conveniently left out the part about how long you'd been together. which leads me to believe it was probably less than a year and you just didn't want to mention that because it takes credence away from all that fluff you've been filling your head with.

normally this is where I'd have to preface my next statement with all that "I don't really know you guys" jazz, but in this case I feel like you've actually projected a fairly accurate portrayal;
your EX boyfriend is a pussy.
there is one line of your email that stands out to me:

"..neither of us had the courage to make a final decision."

this line alone proves that you are simply in denial. this was your own speculation! you had the answer all along but instead of facing it head on you choose to further delude yourself. that line should have read:

"HE didn't have the courage to PRESENT a final decision."

as obviously, from your account, he has made one. as far as you trying to involve yourself in his new relationship, leave it alone.
you can only change a relationship you're party to. any interference from you will only work to your detriment.

don't let your biological clock cloud your logic; any man who needs a 2 month break from you before theres even any kids in the mix is not cut out for fatherhood. in essence, he did you a favor by making that clear before it was too late.

vivacious ass

2006-01-12T05:11:00.000-08:00

tonight the korean burger lady said she thinks of me as more than just a customer. shes pretty much still just gonna be the burger lady to me. it was cute tho.

I almost spent $80 on a new case because I had a dirty fan. tapeworm thought cleaning it might be a more novel approach so we spent $6 on compressed air instead. I played with video ipods whilst waiting for tapeworm to check out and some haggard fossil came up and put his fucking hand on my ass. DUDE. and when I turned around and SAW HIM I almost cried.

I went to bed early cos tapeworm was acting all bitchy and emo last night and when I woke up I was still totally pissed so I just decided to go with it and that meant I had to take the bus to school which was basically like punishing myself because downtown smells like pee and there is no way to avoid waiting half an hour for the bus to show up and it was like 20 degrees outside.

he really needs to not piss me off when I've got shit to do damnit.

I hope god wasn't looking...

2006-01-05T04:20:00.000-08:00

the bastard asked for 5 random facts about me.
apparently I interpreted "random" as "twisted".

update: and because fruey of let's have it did not find my mullet to be very rock n roll, he's requested a BONUS RANDOM ROCK N ROLL FACT.

update 2: I changed my mind and I've relieved one lucky blogger of their meming obligations and I'm challenging semi-anonymous commentor jx to pick up the slack (you dont have to link your blog but it'd be cool if you played along in the comments).

1. I got in the backseat of tapeworms car so my best friend could give him a blowjob.

2. I didn't eat rice for like 10 years because I ate some chinese food in my room one time and I put the half eaten plate under my bed and forgot about it for a few weeks and when I found it again all the rice was crawling around on the plate. and I made my mom clean it up.

3. when I was 8 I had a mullet and wore shoes without socks or laces and hypercolor tshirts and fluorescent pink spandex pants like everyday. ugh. I was such an anomaly.

4. I gave my phone number out twice using irc in the school library for the first time. the first caller I could tell was a bit older than myself and polite but whacked off in my ear nonetheless. he called again the next day and after that I told him it was probably best that he not make a habit of it and he agreed to move on.
the second guy was not so easily persuaded. his voice was super nasally and he called several times a day and all he ever wanted to do was talk about my feet and so I'd be like dude, dont call me anymore but he was like "I can tell you have really nice feet and I need to talk to you carrie. please. I love you." and I'd hang up and panic cos I lived with my parents and they woulda killed me if they answered the phone to some creeped out old dude trying to talk to their 14 year old daughter.
I had my friend taya over after school one day and she answered the phone and I knew right away who she was talking to by the sudden change in her voice. I told her to hand me the phone but she ignored me and continued talking. a few seconds later she yelled "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT FOR?!" and I was like oh shit and she said "NO FUCK YOU. CARRIE DOESN'T WEAR PANTIES. WE WEAR UNDERWEAR GODDAMNIT. I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU"
he didn't call anymore after that.

5. me and my friend faye made 2 boys jerk off for meth.

6. tapeworm took me to the paramount to see slayer and I ran into his exgirlfriend having a cigarette in the lobby. she had a ground level wristband and when she found out I was there with him she got all excited about wanting to see him so I let her trade me her wristband :D for my ticket so they could do some catching up and I could try to wedge myself up next to the stage. it totally fucking rocked. some creepy looking guy standing behind me was tying off and I got scared that someone might push him and he'd miss and stab me in the back with his HIV needle so I pushed forward and spent the remainder of the show just far back enough to avoid serious injury. when the show was over I met up with a less than impressed tickles tapeworm outside the front doors. I think he actually smoked a bowl in front of me. like without passing.
in fact, reading this is probably going to piss him off all over again :)

and I'm tagging...
tapeworm, jorell, jx, jennifer
and the FRESHLY IMPREGNATED danielle

thats right!! danielle's knocked up! get over there and send your condolences

gag on my cock ass sex

2006-01-01T20:08:00.000-08:00

tapeworm drank like half a bottle of sauza last night and started accusing me of stealing things. even tho we live together. I threatened to push him off the balcony and right after that I heard the neighbors downstairs on their balcony go shhhhhhhhh and I pretty much spent the rest of the morning waiting for the cops to knock on the door.

I woke up around 3p in the middle of a dream that some people I didn't know were driving me to the house my sister killed herself in and I think I was trying to cry but I just ended up waking myself up cos I was breathing extra loud and making weird throat noises.

I've been thinking I want to cut my own hair even tho I know I'll do a shitty job and probably seriously fuck it up but I dont like to make reservations because I dont want to have to deal with the anxiety of trying to be somewhere at a specific time.

analumination

2005-12-28T04:27:00.000-08:00

my best friend taya brought some ear candles back from michigan. yer supposed to put them in your ears and light them and they suck out all the ear junk.

this dude jeff wanted to try them out so me and taya brought the shit to his house. then we thought it would be funny to take some table/dinner candles and tell jeff they were butt candles and we had him get down on his hands and knees in his room and we stuck one up his ass and lit it and damn near pissed ourselves laughing at him.

someone has been ouside my window with a jackhammer for like 7 hours tearing the street apart and the only thing more annoying than that is how I keep getting super ravenous and making a whole bunch of food and then having to throw it all out cos I'm all nauseous and extra not hungry as soon as its done. goddamnit.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIGFUCKER!!!

2005-12-27T05:34:00.000-08:00

its danielle's birthday. you should go wish her a happy 27th cos she fuckin rocks!

"I kick ass for the Lord!"

2005-12-24T22:18:00.000-08:00

we waited until sunday to go to tonys and from before we could even get out of the car dude was already being a total sleazebag. plus there were about 3 trees left that were all 9ft tall so we went to target and got a fake one and now all the hippies are congratulating me on boycotting the slaughter of innocent trees.

I ~~still havent~~ decorated it ~~or anything but whatever~~.

last night tapeworm and I went to dinner with my parents and his mom and I ended up starting a huge fight in the middle of the restaurant.

about half way through our meal some dude who looked like he spent more time on his hair than I did sat down like 2 tables away with his back facing us and repeatedly turned his entire body around in his seat to glare at my mom (who had made a comment about dentures. true, not something I consider appropriate "dinner conversation" either, but I also don't find eavesdropping and staring very polite). so I flashed him the warning look but he decided to press his luck.

several minutes later his (I'm assuming) girlfriend showed up and before long she joined in and the two of them were making no attempts at discretion. their conversation became louder. other people at my table had begun to notice them and I'd had enough so I looked over at them and I said "do you have something you want to say to me?" and she tried to get smart so I called her a raggedy ass cunt (hehehh) and that totally set her boyfriend off.

he got up and started coming toward our table so I stood up and I was back farthest to the wall trying to climb over tapeworm yelling "come outside then motherfucker!" and my dad was trying to push me back into my seat and the guy was like I'm not gonna fight you and I was like "then what the fuck are you standing up for?"

dude tried to get up in tapeworms face and tapeworm told him to sit down and eat his food. and thats exactly what he did.

I never actually got to hit anyone but it wasn't for lack of trying damnit. I figgered everyone was gonna be mad at me after we left but they still left me presents and my mom even thanked me for the dinner theatre :D

those cocksuckers still havent posted my grades and I'm about to get pissy

2005-12-17T23:59:00.000-08:00

I just found out I've been spelling my name wrong for like 20 years. tapeworm has no tact at all when I need to point out something hilarious like a transvestite or a lactating woman and instead of paying attention he starts yelling "what did you say?" so that everyone is trying to hear me now and I'm like "are you doing this on purpose or are you just lame?"

he says tactless is talking shit about people right in front of them.

heh. touché.

we spent about 4 hours cleaning a third of the apartment today and there was no shame like finding french fries under the computer table. seriously there were like SIX MOTHERFUCKING FRIES down there! fuck I'm dirty.

this is my new list of things I want.
http://www.thethingsiwant.com/blogfart/list/stuff%2520I%2520want/

just in case you want to get me the unicorn impaler (NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED IT) or perhaps a bacon airfreshener (also kinda needing that).

oppressive convulsive

2005-12-11T13:35:00.000-08:00

I checked the mail today like 4 times before I remembered its sunday and is probably not coming. tapeworm and I totally hate each other now. I have to write a few pages on an article I can't find so we got in a huge fight cos hes a larp douche.

here is an example of how I am of sub-par intelligence:

*anonymous* told me I should pee on my tits and I was like how the fuck? what with a hose or something? and he was like OR you could stand on your head and let it run down and I was like WHOA. that had totally not occurred to me dude.

homogeneously narcissistic

2005-12-08T22:24:00.000-08:00

all the balconies on the whole building have christmas lights and garland everywhere and we've still got halloween decorations out.

its not just the blog;
I'm falling short all over.

I fell asleep in class tonight during the first 10 mins of an hour long video on construction and I woke up cos my stomach felt like it was about to rupture and I thought I had blown ass but I wasn't sure if it was me or part of the video.

my ugly friend nikki and I were on the same bus with shannon kringen and I was like HEY! the first time I ever watched your show I was flipping thru channels with my mom and you were pulling out your tampon!

maybe I overestimated her celebrity cos I thought she was way modest for being such a tv slut.

she gave me a pen and I left it at tapeworms house and he melted it stirring a bowl.
damnit.

candida ted fuck that shit

2005-12-02T15:01:00.000-08:00

Congratulations, Carrie! You have been nominated for Best Comedic Blogsite award for the month of November at The Order of Brilliant Bloggers.

This is a grassroots organization of excellent bloggers who wish to acknowledge the excellence in blogging and photojournalism by others.

Voting for the award takes places from December 1st to December 5th at 11:59:59 PM in the comments for each section, and we encourage your readers to come and vote for you and any other blogs and posts they wish to recognize. Limit is 3 votes per category, one vote per post or site.

Thank you for you excellent work in enriching blogging, and for your indulgence in my tardy posting of your nomination!

Good luck!

dont bother to vote here