dis-illusionment

i was in a bad mood last night when i fell asleep i wont BORE YOU with all the details of why etc and now i cant decide whether its worth still being mad about today.
my best friend from highschool called me this morning for the first time in several years. her ex boyfriend got married last weekend and has a kid on the way. i was a lot surprised to hear that she is so affected by this seeing as how they broke up six years ago. she said something about him being her first love. first everything really, and only person shes ever dated that she felt very close to. she said she couldnt remember why they had stopped talking.
i could. but i decided not to mention it.
then i realized i have never felt that way before, there is no one ive ever regretted not staying together with, no one i'll ever look back on comparing everyone else to. ive been close with people ive dated, obvs tapeworm and i were together six years. and friends since 1997. but i was never affected in the way that i hear people refer to never forgetting their "first love".
strange eh? maybe.

all i can think about is cake! with tons of whipped frosting. and sleep. im so incredibly tired all the time i think i might be anemic. ive been cold for weeks despite 70 degree weather and when i go to sleep at night my legs itch like crazy for a couple of hours. sunday night i went to sleep at 8pm and had to force myself out of bed at 10:30 monday morning. and by 2pm I was ready for a nap. Im trying to get more iron and folate into my diet so ive switched from oatmeal to malt o meal and im eating dried plums and bean soup. cos i know you guys care.
other than that i feel pretty good tho. im in week 5 of the self challenge and so far ive spent 1640 minutes exercising. but i still havent won shit. they really need to let me win something damnit. that starbucks gift card would be nice. maybe then i could stay awake long enough to do something besides work out.

two whole weeks of sober (fuck off a little please)

i completely hacked off part of my eyebrow yesterday because i fail at life and cannot use scissors appropriately. also i am reading a new book thats making me super somber and vaginal. its like basically my life and all the things i pushed out of my head a long time ago and every chapter reminds me of something else i forgot and i cannot stop reading it so by the end of the day i am feeling very quiet and do not want to interact with people cos i am busy reverting to a snatchy 15 year old cuntbag. tho i remembered it being a lot funner ten years ago. anyhow now i am going to whine a bit about having an overly attractive boyfriend who is prettier than me and also has a nicer ass than i do wtf am i doing this does absolutely zero for my self esteem i should go find uglier boys to date so i can feel superior and not want to stab myself in the face so much. i need to hurry up and make some slutty new friends to introduce him to so one of them can steal him from me and get this over with already. fuck. okay i have to go take my midmorning depression nap now bye.

vagina means never having to say you're sorry

i am washing all five pieces of clothes i own right now. my boyfriend is up to no good i can tell cos he sent me a super detailed txt this morning to tell me all about his plans why he will be late after work. basically that means its blonde. that reminds me i need to re-dye my hair again i have a skunk line going down the part of my hair and i look pretty stupid. like, more than usual. everyone else is going shopping right now and i hafta stay home cos i only have clean pajamas to wear and also no money. gayness. i still have no job. to be honest with you i really dont want one either. who does right? heh. oh well. jason wants me to look for a job so we can get our own place. even tho its a good idea im not really sure if im ready for that again. sometimes i feel like we are nothing more than roommates and not even very good ones. we dont fight or anything bad but i guess im just not used to living with someone i dont really feel that close to.


last night i dreamt i went on a shitty job interview/field trip kind of thing that everyone from the private school i used to go to in elementary/middle school was there for. just seeing those people again would have been shitty enough but i was dressed like a scrub my clothes were extra too big and there was some guy like preparing me for the interview and he kept complaining about my outfit and trying to find something else for me to wear and everything he had was way too small for me and it made me feel like a massive fucking heifer. just then i decided i have become completely uninterested in my field and want to go back to college to be an RD. and now that i am awake i know its true. which really really extra sucks cos that will mean completely starting college over again and i will not be done until i am at least 30. but i know i will like it, working in a hospital and helping people and im already a nutrition nazi. plus i get to tell people what to do and be considered an expert. YES!

sadly lacking pictorial evidence

this was posted in a myspace blog of a girl i knew from highschool. her shit is private so i cant link it so im reposting it here cos its extra funny. names have been changed so she cant get all pissy that i publically posted her private shit. heh.

Earlier today, my husband, daughter & I went to Auburn for a hair appointment. My husband took the opportunity to go around to the thrift stores out there to get his hands on some goodies to sell on ebay. On the way there, we marveled at how great the car looked. Jeff & Amy both worked very hard yesterday to wash & detail the entire car so it looked & smelled great!

Our hair appointment went well. We were both very happy with our hair & left feeling pleased but hungry. On the way home, we drove through Federal Way & went to Red Lobster. We all really enjoyed our meals… Amy & I both had the Salmon New Orleans with shrimp & a lemon butter sauce with veggies, mashed potatoes, a Caesar salad & biscuits. Jeff got the New York steak & prawns with a baked potato, veggies, a Caesar salad & biscuits. We all left feeling extremely content with our tummy's full to almost bursting.

This is where things started to go wrong….

We got on the freeway to drive home, when I got a bloody nose! (I have weak membranes in my nose & have always suffered from nose bleeds.) Not a big deal, right??? WRONG!! This one was BAD!!! I was bleeding so profusely from my left nostril that it couldn't come out fast enough so it was gushing down my throat! (Leave it to me to have worn my brand new white top today!!) Anyway, I was frantically searching the car for something to soak up the blood & ended up grabbing a tampon from my purse. I shoved it up my left nostril & thought "Okay, that's over with!!" WRONG AGAIN!! The blood started gushing from my other nostril!!

At that point, I was gagging because of the blood clotting in my throat so I grabbed an empty water bottle & started to spit the blood from my throat into it. I was doing alright until I started to throw up! Which I tried desperately to get into the small opening of the bottle without much success. My poor husband got one whiff of the half digested Salmon New Orleans & spewed into his hand!! Amy started laughing hysterically in the backseat!! Jeff started to laugh & sprayed puke everywhere which triggered the next reaction… Amy started to throw up & Jeff rolled her window down (since he has a control for it on his door) & she hung her head out & puked all down the side of our car!!

So, here we are doing about 70 mph on the freeway, projectile vomiting all over the freshly detailed car, laughing hysterically with me bleeding profusely all over myself & a tampon hanging from my nose! Sounds like something out of a bad movie, right?? What else could go wrong??? I PEED MY FRIGGIN' PANTS!! Yes! I admit it! I was laughing so hard & puking at the same time that I lost control of my bladder & whizzed! It wasn't a lot though! I pulled myself together almost immediately.

So, we pulled off the next exit & drove to a nearby church parking lot. THANK YOU, JESUS! We got out of the car & Jeff threw up again & Amy started gagging again when she got a look at the Salmon colored vomit with chunks of lettuce covering my entire body. She gagged so hard that she too lost control of her bladder & peed her pants! She screamed & started laughing & then announced that she peed her pants, which I responded "I did too!!" Then we all busted up laughing even harder.

Jeff walked over to the church & found a hose which we drove over to & started to try to clean the vomit & blood from my face, hands & clothes. Just then, the frickin' pastor walks out of the church & looks at us!! OMG! How embarrassing! We looked absolutely ridiculous! Here I am with blood all over my face & shirt, vomit all over the front of me, holding a dripping bottle of vomit & blood!! My husband started to explain what was going on & we all burst out laughing again! He was very friendly & went inside & got us some paper towels & chatted with us for awhile. We thanked him & cleaned up as best as we could under the circumstances. We hosed off the car on the side that Amy puked on. Wiped up the inside of the car, finished washing up & then got back in to complete our journey home.

My nose was still bleeding but had slowed considerably by that point. So, there we were, feeling the humility that only puking on yourself (& peeing our pants in Amy & my case) can bring. Still chuckling about what we must've looked like to other drivers when all of a sudden Amy announces that she's HUNGRY!! Lol :D Poor kid was left feeling hungry after having lost her whole lunch! We laughed hysterically all the way home!