Saturday, April 23, 2005

100 Things Carrie

What can I say? I felt left out...

1. I am addicted to rigorous exercise.
2. I hate sports.
3. I LOVE lentils.
4. I am afraid of the dark. Still.
5. I hate Sundays.
6. I was born on a Tuesday.
7. I love Jamba Juice. My current favorite is Orange Berry Blitz.
8. The Stranger (a local paper) put out an article about me once.
9. I've been arrested at least a dozen times.
10. I had my mother arrested once.
11. She never lets me forget it.
12. I can't drive. I've tried twice and I suck.
13. I hate coffee.
14. I used to work as a barista.
15. My parents kicked me out for the first time when I was 15.
16. It was (mostly) over a boy.
17. I HATE wearing shorts. I wish other people wouldn't do it either.
18. I won't throw my old magazines out (or anything else for that matter). It's kind of a problem.
19. I tried to break a SoBe tea bottle over a guy's head. About 15 times.
20. I actually didn't get arrested for that. And his dad made fun of him for getting his ass kicked.
21. When I was 14 I climbed in through my vacationing grandparent's window to steal some liquor.
22. I got busted. It sucked (the liquor and getting in trouble).
23. I got two gay boys kicked out of their two different houses in the same 24 hours.
24. I got stuck in an hospital elevator with my grandmother for 5 hours once.
25. I think about it every time I ride one.

26. I was adopted.
27. I hate spinach.
28. At 15, I hitchhiked to Portland for no reason.
29. It annoys me that my boyfriend NEVER turns his computer off.
30. I annoy him CONSTANTLY.
31. I'm rather financially irresponsible.
32. I've (gasp!) never watched the original Star Wars Trilogy.
33. I hate children. ALL children. I get high, folks. They TOTALLY kill my buzz.
34. I was potty-trained with a Michael Jackson record. I got to play it every time I "went". --Why am I telling you this?
35. I don't like wearing makeup. Anymore. Only benetint.
36. I love pecan (er, all) pie.
37. 3 years later, and I am still pretty sore about Ben & Jerry "offing" Wavy Gravy.
38. I went crazy (clinically termed psychosis) Thursday, January 28 1999. It lasted months and gradually "wore off".
39. It completely changed me.
40. I love tent camping.
41. I'm afraid of boats, especially little ones.
42. I really hate Sex and the City.
43. But I've never watched it. Not even for a minute.
44. My favorite thing to eat is Moqueca de Peixe; A Bahian-style fish stew.
45. I couldn't live without my Römertopf.
46. I like chunky peanut butter. More than a little.
47. I can't ever remember to bring my bread punch card to the Great Harvest. I have like 47 cards with 3 or 4 stamps on 'em. They owe me a lot of free loaves.
48. My mom STABBED ME WITH A FORK once. I bled. We were eating dinner and I had a friend over. --And I want you to know that I don't piss my time away drawing pictures of BEING STABBED BY MY MOTHER for just anyone--I did that one EXCLUSIVELY FOR YOU GUYS.
49. Lillies are my favorite flowers.
50. I eat waaaaaay too much junk food. It's probably taking several years off of my life.

51. I got fired once for stealing garbage.
52. I hate talking on the phone.
53. I lived in the hood.
54. I HATE the name 'Jones'.
55. I once stayed up for 15 days. With a little help.
56. I'm a "Supervisor Guardian" according to the Kiersey Sorter.
57. Most of my home decor was bought at Archie McPhee.
58. I watch Dawson's Creek in the mornings. Shut up, I dig Pacey.
59. I want pretty much everything.
60. I'm scared to death of earthquakes.
61. I look forward to the Puyallup Fair all year long. Mostly because of funnel cake.
62. I never remember movies. I can seriously watch the same movie twice and not even know it. That might be drug related, I don't know.
63. No one ever sends me anything good, but I still look forward to checking the mail everyday.
64. Yellow is my favorite color.
65. I puked all over a guy's room playing Kings (it's kinda funny because he's a total jackass). I "lost"; had to slam 8 bottles of Sunfest, some summer brew from Pyramid. Should've cheated; 20 minutes later I got the spins and spewed everywhere.
66. I puked at one of Tickles' friend's houses. Not pretty. Drank A LOT of Butterscotch Martinis before I showed up. They wanted to watch the fucking Hobbit cartoon movie (FUCKING HATE THAT SHIT). Oops. Yakked all over the den. Made an ass of myself. note: I don't know if it was completely due to this incident, but it took a LONG ASS TIME for that guy to decide I was (undeniably) cool again--but now he knows.
67. I saw a girl eat dog puke while I was on mushrooms. I wasn't hallucinating that.
68. Tickles is in complete denial, but I'm pretty sure Metal is just another word for Butt Rock.
69. If there is such a thing as "will power", I have it in abundance. I can be incredibly stubborn.
70. I HATE "new" music.
71. At 17, I worked in a theatre for a short period. During that time, I consumed a truly shameful amount of butter-flavored topping.
72. I crave spaghetti more often than any other food.
73. I hate math and I work in finance.
74. Tickles and I can't share food at all. I love tomatoes; He can't stand them. I want artichokes, feta and sunflower seeds on the pizza, but he thinks there's only 2 kinds of pizza; pepperoni and without pepperoni. I LOVE onions and he won't eat them (but we both agree the green ones are icky). He loves macaroni and cheese and I think that shit belongs at the food bank...we pretty much live off of Jamba Juice.
75. This is my 4th year on the SELF Challenge. I still haven't won anything. Damnit.

76. I'm just as mean in real life as I am on the internet :) Maybe meaner.
77. Dooce is my hero. She ROCKS!
78. I love my little piglet.
79. I'm #1 Billie Holiday fan on Audioscrobbler.
80. I have inspired at least one person to visit RichArt!
81. My "pet peeve" is hair around the bathtub drain. And I face it almost daily.
82. Tickles and I once shared an 400sq. ft. apartment (with enough furnishings for a small house) for a little over a year. That's about the size of a bedroom.
83. I've had more than one guy go gay on me. It's my curse; gay guys always want to give it one last go...with me. I seriously need to develop some sort of "gaydar" (or move out of Seattle!).
84. I eat with my fingers (which led to #48).
85. I got a little girl to flip me off yesterday. And Tickles saw it. I ROCK!
86. I like miniature stuff. Like the 1/8oz. bottles of Tabasco I got on a train. And the 2.25oz. bottle of Heinz Ketchup I pocketed at brunch one morning. I'll never use it, but I like to have it around.
87. I ate maggots once. Not intentionally.
88. I had no hair when I met my boyfriend.
89. I'm crazy about shamrock shakes from McDonald's (I don't even want to think about what it's made from).
90. When I was like 10, I spilled a shamrock shake on the patio at McDonald's and before I could come back to clean it up, some boy slipped in it and got his clothes all messy. He poured Chicken McNugget honey in my hair. That wasn't very cool of him.
91. I can't stand when Rachael Ray (from Food Network) says, "E.V.O.O." instead of extra virgin olive oil. And her dumbass laugh, too.
92. I dig Boca.
93. I "made" a vegetarian eat a chicken sandwich (with cheese!) once (I say "made" because SHE ORDERED IT and then BLAMED ME for not telling her it contained chicken). She ate half the damn sandwich before she stopped to ask me what the "white stuff" was. Her "life partner" got all pissy with me and the vagitarian puked and cried.
94. I've had Juella, my Eastern Rosella, since I was nine years old.
95. I got gassed at the WTO protest in Seattle in '99. That shit burned my lungs.
96. When I was like 7, I gave my grandma a list of her stuff I wanted when she died.
97. I got really pissed and threw a guys stuff off of my roof once (#53 makes it all okay). It was quite satisfying.
98. I am suffering through "Transformers The Movie" right now (anyone who's heard the soundtrack knows what I'm talking about). If that isn't love, it'll have to do.
99. I was homeless at age 15 for about 9 months. As a result, I am extremely independent and self-reliant.
100. If I had to describe myself in a word, It'd have to be arrogant. I think anyone who knows me would agree with that.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

"Aiyyo, I got a slight problem; I smoke weed too much"

I got a weed hangover. That shit ain't never happened to me before! Me & Tickles got RETARDED HIGH yesterday, smoked up SIX deliciously different strains in the same 10 minutes. Dumbasses, huh? Yeah well...

And I totally exposed myself in class tonight (no, not about the weed :p )
This course is far different from any other I've attended and focuses on DOING rather than TALKING about doing. Well, tonight I 'DID'. And no one else followed, yo. They totally pussed out! FUCKERS!
I know I'm being vague...but it's my blog, damnit! Anyhow, I was feeling kinda naked and uncomfortable in front of people I've only met twice.

Falling can be deadly; Please stay on the trail

Oh yeah, almost forgot-- I was fired Tuesday. Actually, I haven't officially heard about it yet, but they let Tickles know. I'll still try to act surprised when I find out, nonetheless.

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Nabbed this one from Alli's page...I did it, and so should you

Check them if they apply... if they're blank, you're guilty...

(x) I've Never Crashed A Friend's Car

(x) I've Never Been To Japan

( ) I've Never Been In A Taxi

( ) I've Never Been In Love

( ) I've Never Had Sex In Public

( ) I've Never Been Dumped

( ) I've Never Done Cocaine

( ) I've Never Shoplifted

( ) I've Never Been Fired

( ) I've Never Been In A Fist Fight

(x) I've Never Had Group Intercourse (does AA count as a "group"?)

( ) I've Never Snuck Out Of My Parent's House (hahahah...ahahahaha...)

( ) I've Never Been Tied Up

( ) I've Never Regretted Having Sex With Someone (while I was doing it, that is)

( ) I've Never Been Arrested

( ) I've Never Made Out With A Stranger

( ) I've Never Stolen Something From My Job

(x) I've Never Celebrated New Years In Time Square

( ) I've Never Gone On A Blind Date

( ) I've Never Lied To A Friend

( ) I've Never Had A Crush On A Teacher

(x) I've Never Celebrated Mardi-Gras In New Orleans

(x) I've Never Been To Europe

( ) I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Opposite Sex

( ) I've Never Kissed A Member Of The Same Sex

( ) I've Never Skipped School

( ) I've Never Slept With A Co-Worker

(x) I've Never Cut Myself On Purpose

(x) I've Never Had Sex At The Office

(x) I've Never Been Married

(x) I've Never Been Divorced

(x) I've Never Had Sex With More Than One Person Within The Same Week

(x) I've Never Posed Nude (its not posing if you're having sex, is it?)

(x) I've Never Gotten Someone Drunk Just To Have Sex With Them

(x) I've Never Killed Anyone (...yet)

(x) I've Never Received Scars From My Sex Partner

( ) I've Never Been Drunk

( ) I've Never Smoked Pot

(x) I've Never Thrown Up In A Bar (do bushes outside the bar count?)

(x) I've Never Taken Ecstasy

( ) I've Never Purposely Set A Part Of Myself On Fire

( ) I've Never Eaten Sushi

(x) I've Never Been Snowboarding

( ) I've Never Had Sex At A Friend's House While They Were Throwing A Party

( ) I've Never Had Sex While A Friend Was In The Room

(x) I've Never Had Sex In A Dressing Room

( ) I've Never Flashed Anyone

(x) I've Never Met Anyone From Online

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Ain't No Tellin When I'm Down For a Jack Move...

Stole this one from Jennifer W.K. who stole it from The Kraken who stole it from Arc, and it's late, so I'm gonna get to the point.

Chore I hate: Fuck... All of 'em. I guess if I had to pick one it would have to be dishes (that includes anything to do with the garbage disposal).

Dad's name: Donzie, as in 'the DONZE'. Drunk Ass Pops works, too.

Gold or silver: Gold

Hometown: Seattle

Interesting Fact: I don't know if it's very interesting, but I won't take the first of anything. Like if I'm buying some Cheerios, I have to reach back for the box behind the one that's in front. Do you have any idea how many ham-fisted people have already handled and carried that box around the store, then decided they didn't need at the last minute, so the bag boy takes it back to the shelf and sits it in front of all the other Cheerios for the next unsuspecting shopper to take home and eat. IT'S PRACTICALLY USED ALREADY! Yep, I'm totally cuckoo. Tickles tells me it's just my OCD.

Job Title: Full-Time Student, Database Specialist, and former panhandler

Kids: No, thanks

Living arrangements: 800 sq. ft. 1 bedroom apartment shared with Tickles_Tapeworm.

Mom's birthplace: Big Mama

Number of apples eaten last week: 3 and I put CHUNKY peanut butter on one of 'em.

Overnight hospital stays: nope, not yet.

Phobias: Ugh- too many to mention, but here's a few highlights: pop-up toasters, midgets, 5-20 bridge, make that ALL floating bridges, earthquakes, insects (yes, all of them), and prison time.

Question you ask yourself a lot: Did we ever finish that bowl? How much weed would I have to smoke before you'd seem cool? WHERE THE FUCK IS MY (insert here: remote, shoes, comb, mind)?!

Religious affiliation: I was raised Catholic, but I haven't attended mass in 9 years.

Siblings: Not anymore ;)

Time I wake up: Varying. I try to get up by 10 so I can catch my re-runs, but I didn't move until 2pm today. What...Jealous??

Unnatural hair color: First ever was "Copper", next came "Dark Golden Brown" which was more like DARK brown, then it was bleached with some sort of Punky Colours Purple streaks, then "Sun-kissed blonde", next was a Punky Colours royal blue shade, after that was black, when black grew out and started looking haggard, I cut it off and went back to "sun-kissed blonde". When my hair grew longer, I dyed it "really red" and stuck with that for like 3 years 'cause everybody loved it, and my stylist actually thought it was real(!) and couldn't believe I'd been doing it myself. I (finally) gave up hair dye like 4 years ago and will NEVER do it again.

Natural hair color: Light Golden Brown

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Mushrooms, and if those aren't vegetables then my second choice is green onion.

Worst habit: me? yeah, right.

hmmm... I suppose lashing out at (im)perfect strangers would have to be number one (I'll bet you're all nodding your heads in agreement right now).

X-rays: most recently, lumbar spine

Delicious food I make: Dutch Babies, Bread Pudding -Tickles insists we call it 'French Toast Cake', Jailhouse Burritos- courtesy of a Clark County inmate, REAL Green Bean Casserole
--FUCK your pussy-ass Campbell's soup gravy and dehydrated onion topping BULLSHIT.

Zodiac sign: Scorpio

What kind of cars have you owned: Hotwheels

Friday, April 08, 2005

Two days 'til there's 5 days 'til there's 2 more days again

Today marks the end of the first week of Spring Quarter. So far the degree of suckage is unsurpassable.
Why so shitty, you say?
I'll tell you why; MY INSTRUCTOR IS A DICK.

In a matter of 2 emails, this man has managed to PISS ME THE FUCK OFF with what I can only identify as sarcasm.

I registered for another distance (online) course. I took an IT distance class in Fall 2004 and am somewhat enthusiastic about this method of learning. Online classes offer a lot of flexibility which is great when you have a lot going on.

I was to write an email introducing myself to the instructor and send a picture to be uploaded to our class website. He was in turn supposed to send a password for me to upload a biography to accompany the picture.

I sent the intro, letting him know the biography was complete and I was ready to post it.
He sent the password and I went to post my profile, but was prompted for a user name.
In my previous online course, the user was my student id#. I tried to log in with it and failed. So I tried my name. After several unsuccessful tries, I emailed him back thanking him for the password and explaining that I didn't have my user name.

His reply to me was this:

Please read the first page of the class says the user name is **** and then use your password. When in doubt follow directions.

Hmmm... Call me sensitive *snicker*, but WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY?!!
"When in doubt follow directions." My eyes must be deceiving me; I am sure this little prick didn't just make a jab. Does he know who he's dealing with?!?!

So of course, I go back to the home page, sure enough, it's there and I can immediately tell why I missed it-- The font does not work against the background and this man obviously has no concept of web design.

I had to sit back and let the steam escape. No such luck; I was hot as hell.

Under normal circumstances I would have given it to him straight and sent him away crying like the little bitch that he is, but this is not blogger.
I've got 5 credits to earn here and being right isn't going to net me a degree.

So I did my best. I hit reply and quipped:

Indeed, it does; thank you for pointing that out to me. My biography has been uploaded.

Thank you

And wouldn't you know this fucker sees fit to retort:



I can already tell this is going to be a pleasant experience.

**note to self: Never register for online classes unless you have reason to believe the instructor will be even remotely aware of "Netiquette" or at least the "Interpersonal Gap" and that it's probably best to make an effort to close it (the gap) rather than expand it by making snide and condescending remarks.

*sigh* Just 10 weeks to go...

Thursday, April 07, 2005

"Don't threaten me with love, baby. Let's just go walking in the rain."

Billie Holiday

Happy Birthday, Billie.

Friday, April 01, 2005

So You've Decided To Be Evil...

Congratulations on being the creator of a new
Evil Plan (tm)!

Your objective is simple: Criminal Activities.

Your motive is a little bit more complex: Hatred for all mankind

Stage One

To begin your plan, you must first expose a rich and powerful CEO. This will cause the world to give one another worried looks, stunned by your arrival. Who is this sadistic fiend? Where did they come from? And why do they look so good slathered in mayonnaise?

Stage Two

Next, you must desecrate the Internet. This will all be done from an abandoned church; a mysterious place of unrivaled dark glory. Upon seeing this, the world will wet their pants, as countless hordes of Christian Scientists hasten to do your every bidding.

Stage Three

Finally, you must tauntingly wave your unholy weapon, bringing about something that's really METAL. Your name shall become synonymous with evil, and no man will ever again dare interrupt your sentences. Everyone will bow before your supreme might, and the world will have no choice but to send you all their money.

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