Tuesday, January 31, 2006

let them eat carrie

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Carrie!

  1. The first carrie was made in 1853, and had no pedals!
  2. Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat carrie'.
  3. If carrie was life size, she would stand 7 ft 2 inches tall and have a neck twice the size of a human.
  4. To check whether carrie is safe to eat, drop her in a bowl of water; rotten carrie will sink, and fresh carrie will float!
  5. There are six towns named carrie in the United States.
  6. Carrie is 1500 years older than the pyramids.
  7. Some people in Malaysia bathe their babies in beer to protect them from carrie!
  8. On average, women blink nearly twice as much as carrie.
  9. Half a cup of carrie contains only seventeen calories.
  10. Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of carrie in a day.
I am interested in - do tell me about

Friday, January 13, 2006

ask carrie

Hi Carrie,

I find your non-convention life to be very interesting! I really admire your determination to live life as you see fit, and not cave into the will of others.

Last year my boyfriend and I decided to embark on a "trial separation". We originally planned to do this for only 2 months, however the months kept going by, and it now has become a year. I think neither of us had the courage to make a final decision.

We have remained friends all this time, however we do not live together anymore, and I know I am no longer aware of everything that goes on in his life. I believed we had an unspoken rule about not dating anyone else. And I've kept that promise; recently I've come to suspect he is seeing someone. While I know I don't own him anymore, I do feel hurt as if this new relationship of his is cheating on me. I really want to get married and have children, and I feel that he would be the perfect father. I am not sure how to approach him and let him know that I still am madly in love with him. I want to confront his new girlfriend and explain to her what she is trying to wreck, but I'm afraid it will drive him away from me forever when he finds out. I'm really at a loss on what to do!


thats because people like you never want to accept that the answer doesn't necessarily involve getting what you want.
Ima put it to you blunt Ash, cos I know you thats why you came to me in the first place.

a year is a long ass time and I think you're kidding yourself if you think he is sitting around playing convent with you.
Im assuming that this separation is something he initiated because
a) you're presenting it as if it were a mutual thing and well, it just never is,
b) I think you'd feel less reluctant to "make a final decision" if you'd actually been a part of the original decision, and
c) you conveniently left out the part about how long you'd been together. which leads me to believe it was probably less than a year and you just didn't want to mention that because it takes credence away from all that fluff you've been filling your head with.

normally this is where I'd have to preface my next statement with all that "I don't really know you guys" jazz, but in this case I feel like you've actually projected a fairly accurate portrayal;
your EX boyfriend is a pussy.
there is one line of your email that stands out to me:

"..neither of us had the courage to make a final decision."

this line alone proves that you are simply in denial. this was your own speculation! you had the answer all along but instead of facing it head on you choose to further delude yourself. that line should have read:

"HE didn't have the courage to PRESENT a final decision."

as obviously, from your account, he has made one. as far as you trying to involve yourself in his new relationship, leave it alone.
you can only change a relationship you're party to. any interference from you will only work to your detriment.

don't let your biological clock cloud your logic; any man who needs a 2 month break from you before theres even any kids in the mix is not cut out for fatherhood. in essence, he did you a favor by making that clear before it was too late.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

vivacious ass

tonight the korean burger lady said she thinks of me as more than just a customer. shes pretty much still just gonna be the burger lady to me. it was cute tho.

I almost spent $80 on a new case because I had a dirty fan. tapeworm thought cleaning it might be a more novel approach so we spent $6 on compressed air instead. I played with video ipods whilst waiting for tapeworm to check out and some haggard fossil came up and put his fucking hand on my ass. DUDE. and when I turned around and SAW HIM I almost cried.

I went to bed early cos tapeworm was acting all bitchy and emo last night and when I woke up I was still totally pissed so I just decided to go with it and that meant I had to take the bus to school which was basically like punishing myself because downtown smells like pee and there is no way to avoid waiting half an hour for the bus to show up and it was like 20 degrees outside.

he really needs to not piss me off when I've got shit to do damnit.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

I hope god wasn't looking...

the bastard asked for 5 random facts about me.
apparently I interpreted "random" as "twisted".

update: and because fruey of let's have it did not find my mullet to be very rock n roll, he's requested a BONUS RANDOM ROCK N ROLL FACT.

update 2: I changed my mind and I've relieved one lucky blogger of their meming obligations and I'm challenging semi-anonymous commentor jx to pick up the slack (you dont have to link your blog but it'd be cool if you played along in the comments).

1. I got in the backseat of tapeworms car so my best friend could give him a blowjob.

2. I didn't eat rice for like 10 years because I ate some chinese food in my room one time and I put the half eaten plate under my bed and forgot about it for a few weeks and when I found it again all the rice was crawling around on the plate. and I made my mom clean it up.

3. when I was 8 I had a mullet and wore shoes without socks or laces and hypercolor tshirts and fluorescent pink spandex pants like everyday. ugh. I was such an anomaly.

4. I gave my phone number out twice using irc in the school library for the first time. the first caller I could tell was a bit older than myself and polite but whacked off in my ear nonetheless. he called again the next day and after that I told him it was probably best that he not make a habit of it and he agreed to move on.
the second guy was not so easily persuaded. his voice was super nasally and he called several times a day and all he ever wanted to do was talk about my feet and so I'd be like dude, dont call me anymore but he was like "I can tell you have really nice feet and I need to talk to you carrie. please. I love you." and I'd hang up and panic cos I lived with my parents and they woulda killed me if they answered the phone to some creeped out old dude trying to talk to their 14 year old daughter.
I had my friend taya over after school one day and she answered the phone and I knew right away who she was talking to by the sudden change in her voice. I told her to hand me the phone but she ignored me and continued talking. a few seconds later she yelled "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT FOR?!" and I was like oh shit and she said "NO FUCK YOU. CARRIE DOESN'T WEAR PANTIES. WE WEAR UNDERWEAR GODDAMNIT. I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU"
he didn't call anymore after that.

5. me and my friend faye made 2 boys jerk off for meth.

6. tapeworm took me to the paramount to see slayer and I ran into his exgirlfriend having a cigarette in the lobby. she had a ground level wristband and when she found out I was there with him she got all excited about wanting to see him so I let her trade me her wristband :D for my ticket so they could do some catching up and I could try to wedge myself up next to the stage. it totally fucking rocked. some creepy looking guy standing behind me was tying off and I got scared that someone might push him and he'd miss and stab me in the back with his HIV needle so I pushed forward and spent the remainder of the show just far back enough to avoid serious injury. when the show was over I met up with a less than impressed tickles tapeworm outside the front doors. I think he actually smoked a bowl in front of me. like without passing.
in fact, reading this is probably going to piss him off all over again :)

and I'm tagging...
tapeworm, jorell, jx, jennifer
and the FRESHLY IMPREGNATED danielle

thats right!! danielle's knocked up! get over there and send your condolences

Sunday, January 01, 2006

gag on my cock ass sex

tapeworm drank like half a bottle of sauza last night and started accusing me of stealing things. even tho we live together. I threatened to push him off the balcony and right after that I heard the neighbors downstairs on their balcony go shhhhhhhhh and I pretty much spent the rest of the morning waiting for the cops to knock on the door.

I woke up around 3p in the middle of a dream that some people I didn't know were driving me to the house my sister killed herself in and I think I was trying to cry but I just ended up waking myself up cos I was breathing extra loud and making weird throat noises.

I've been thinking I want to cut my own hair even tho I know I'll do a shitty job and probably seriously fuck it up but I dont like to make reservations because I dont want to have to deal with the anxiety of trying to be somewhere at a specific time.

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