Friday, January 21, 2005

That's right, bitches.

Darth Tater by HASBRO

This is one of the coolest toys I have seen in a LONG time. Two of my favorite things come together... Darth Tater is gonna be the shit.

My doctor told me to ask the employer to raise my table up so I can work without having to sit all day.
I did and after a few hours he calls back and says they won't be able to accomodate a standing employee and I must take leave until I can produce a doctor note saying I am able to work again.

WTF?? The doctor didn't say I couldn't work. He simply said to ask if the table could be raised. Exactly what I said.

I can't see how this can be possible. They have left me with no way to earn and also demanded I pay yet another doctor visit just to get the note to release me to work I was never restricted from.
I don't understand how it's up to them to place me on medical leave without any doctor's order or my consent.

Is it really so much to ask that my table be lifted 1'? It's a cubicle for fuck's sake! They must be adjustable.
Last year a girl in my department was having back pain and her table was adjusted, so I know they can do it.

I filed an unemployment application today, hopefully I am right and what they are doing is not. Unfortunately I am not holding out too much hope. This whole mess is a ton of negative energy. BASTARDS!!

Monday, January 17, 2005

"I think I swallowed a pubic hair."

I was one of 3 people who came to work today, being MLK Day and all.

Maybe I am just a prick, but I think it's a bit racist that my manager comes around to all the African-American employees a day or two before MLK to ask if they would like to take the day as personal time (our company does not recognize it as a holiday).

For one thing, why the fuck can't I have a personal day in honor of Dr. King??

Secondly, I think to offer certain benefits of employment to one racial group and not to another only serves to further segregation, and is not at all in the spirit of the day.

who fucking cares?

I've finally had enough of being in constant pain and I am going to a chiropractor tomorrow after work.

And then I am going straight to BestBuy to put the third season of the greatest show known to television (which will be released on dvd tomorrow) on my new credit card.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

I haven't been fucked like that since grade school...

I have been trying to fix the way my blog looks in IE, but I don't know what the fucking problem is. In IE, my posts don't start until after all of my sidebar stuff. If anyone can give me any hints, please leave me a comment.
For now, to save my sanity, I have given up and started using firefox. It seems to handle the tables better or something.

My bong broke today. I guess I shouldn't bitch too much, it could be far worse. It still works, it's just the female stem, but with the way my grommet is fitted it's going to be a trick to replace. The stem in there now is completely shattered. Pretty fucking lame.

Don't you wish you lived in Seattle?

I got to watch cable last night for the first time in like 8 months. It was so beautiful. I miss cable so much. I am such a sorry bastard and I can't afford cable. So I have to be an internet geek (because I HAVE to pay for that for school). I saw trailers for movies coming to video that I never even knew were in theaters.
I know I shouldn't admit these things, but who am I kidding? I suck. I don't know what's going on in the world. It's shameful.

Please people, click my ads. I need cable, and Google should foot the bill.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

I want my Evil Colonel Sanders bobblehead!

Cruel Colonel Doll

Get yours here folks. You know you want one too.

Don't know what it's all about??

You can read the latest about KFC Cruelty and don't forget to check out the video narrated by Bea Arthur. This is also linked to in my list of 'things to see'.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Who wants to work in Bellevue anyhow...Bitch

Soggy Pussy

Um, yeah. I guess there's no such thing as good part time work. I feel dumb having just typed that. Seems rather obvious now, doesn't it? Fuckers.

Today I had to turn down a far better job than the one I am stuck in now. So close. I wanted to say, "Oh yes, I'd love a full-time position", but all I could muster was, "I'm afraid that's going to conflict with my school schedule".

Quite the disappointment.

I hate looking for jobs. Having to restrict yourself to part-time narrows the options to nearly nothing at all. I suppose there are plenty of pt options if I wanted to take a $5 pay cut, but that's just not the case. So stuck with my crappy job for now...

Perhaps A Change of Heart

I am none too impressed with "BC" now, I apologize for my over-enthused posting in such credit-crazed haste.
I am seriously irritated because the little images don't even show up until your wait time is over and if that wasn't reason enough, I am seeing them same irritatingly conservative blogs OVER AND OVER again and I can't even skip them!! That or I am retarded and doing it all wrong. I wouldn't discount the likeliness of that, either.
I dunno, guys, try for yourselves, but I think I will stick with good ole BE. That doesn't go to say that I'm not still using it right now...

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

I don't think anyone's ever said it better...

You're a Jaw Breaker!!!! You tend to be quite
upfront about everything. Some admire you for
this quality, while others often resent you for
it. Although you may act tough, whether you
hate to admit it or not there is some sweetness
inside of you.

Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Give blogclicker a go.

I just got a blogclicker account today. It' s just like BE, and you can use both at the same time and DOUBLE your traffic! How can you say no to that??
Besides, it totally helps when you run into those blogs that make 30 seconds seem like an got a whole 'nother crummy blog to look at on blogclicker! (I'm kidding--all of your blogs are beautiful. Really.)

SO...why don't you just Get that FREE account already??? Oh, and don't forget to tell them I sent you... and CLICK MY ADS!

I Loathe, I mean Love My Job!

Like the dumbass that I truly am, I manage to come back to work just in time for quarterly performance reviews. It seems we have changed our review policy and now we rate ourselves in various aspects of our positions. I knew from the start this was to be a joke. What, am I gonna give myself poor scores? Sure.
So of course I am outstanding, one of the company's finest. I believe I rated myself within the top 3%.
I was right, the joke is they wanted to compare figures. Our numbers differed ever so slightly. (I won't go into the reasons why this is a dead end job where I am underappreciated and retaliated against, that's another fun day, folks.)

But it seems there could be a light at the end of my tunnel of doom, for I received an email today and it reads:

Good Afternoon,

I found your resume on Monster and I am very interested in speaking with you further. I am recruiting for a large mortgage company in Bellevue and your skill set looks perfect for their Loan set up position. Please call me at your earliest convenience. My number is
(I cut that part out, silly).

I look forward to hearing from you.

Nice Lady
Senior Account Manager
Nice Company
Nice phone number
Nice email address
Nice company url

Really nice. Perhaps putting that resume on monster wasn't the stupidest thing I ever did. I would love nothing more in this world than to have a new job! And let me tell you, this job will pay far more than the peanuts I make now. I am not sure what a loan set up position is really, but it sounds better than what I've got going.

But Bellevue?? Ugh, that is so far for me to go to work every friggin' day... For those of you "non-Seattleites" out there, that means sitting on some horribly old and frightening floating bridge for like 45 minutes in bumper to bumper traffic and that's 45 minutes each way! I hate Bellevue and every mortgage company is based in Bellevue. Damn it! I guess I forgot to mention I don't drive either...(I know, I'm such a loser!) but hey, I'm one less car on the road and who couldn't be thankful for that??

There's one more thing--I know my resume says I am a full-time student, part-time worker but if you read my last post, you know my shameful secret and I don't know what to say in this situation when school is brought up and I have to tell them I've taken the quarter off. I mean I don't want to tell them I am having "health issues", if you can call it that, that sounds so...well, not good. I don't want to seem flaky for having put my education on hold for some other reason though. Hmmm....

Monday, January 10, 2005

i am a flatulent fish stick who loves to gulp hot bitches

I can't stop!! Try for yourselves...

What are you??

So you're all clicking my ads several times a day right? And I know you've already begun using that convenient Google search bar at the top of the page so you'll never have to leave my blog ever ever again. I am really counting on you all to help me maximize the revenue because well, let's face it, I need money bad.

There's this bastardly pain in my left butt cheek and it's starting to take over my whole leg. I'm kinda pissed about it. A visit to a doctor would probably not be the worst idea, but I'm just so cheap. I can't stand to be charged hundreds of dollars to have someone say, "Take some otc's and get plenty of rest." There is some nerve pinched, I think, and all I can do is keep trying to stretch and increase the range of motion without putting myself into spasms. I need help putting on my socks, it's that bad.

In the last week, I have clocked approximately 3 hours. No one seems to be real understanding that it is excrutiatingly painful for me to sit on my tush for the duration of my shift. The boss is about to shit frisbees. Seriously. I am almost afraid to go back there, and that's only partially because I know how much it will hurt!

Now for my moment of shame; I dropped out. Oh, it's even worse to see it written. Actually, I cried and then I dropped out. I was in such pain from sitting in those piece of shit plastic elementary school sized chairs they have at my school that I couldn't even focus. Between trying to work and go to school and do homework, there was just too much sitting on my ass. I was soooo sad. Some of my classes won't be offered again for another 2 years. One of them was being offered for the first time in 5 years and another for the first in 4. And wouldn't you know they are required.

So here's where we take a pause to click my ad's once more...

We all have to do our part to pay my bills, y'know. It's team work. After missing an entire week of work, paying the I-live-far-too-close-to-Alki-Beach-and-can't-afford-this-view rent will prove to be a challenge (Perhaps you are wondering where Alki Beach is? Why not do a little searching with that handy little Google search bar..It's that easy!). That's why I have enlisted the help of my fellow bloggers, to click when you can, please. I'm not too proud to beg-

Thursday, January 06, 2005

The Cubes

Things are changing in upper management. There's a new boss in charge: you. That means you control the fate of Ann. Will you make her job satisfying, boring or unbearable? Will she be your lackey, your fall guy or your best pal? It's all up to you, because in this office, you're the boss.
Each set has one 2-3/4" posable plastic figure and all the necessary plastic parts to build a classic corporate cube: four walls, desk, chair, file cabinet, in/out box, phone, and computer. Comes with a sticker sheet of decor for your cube, complete with graphs, charts, screens for the computer and pithy office posters. Also includes a job title sticker sheet so you can create a convoluted and meaningless position for your employee.

Ann's Cube

This is one of the Christmas gifts I got from my boyfriend (a true gift-giving genius). Now I can play with myself at work! Actually Ann's cubicle is nicer than mine; she has a file cabinet.

I used to bring all kinds of toys and fun things to work and they got quite a bit of attention, but I had to stop because some of my colleagues mistook them for an alternative to watching their children. I have no clue why people bring their awful children into the office, but I got rather fed up with having every little snot-nosed daycare reject tugging on my sleeve and running off with my shit all the time.
So now I keep it at home where it will serve as a painful reminder of how I spend the first part of the day.

No Surprises Here...

I am pure evil. I lie awake at night devising schemes of world domination, and I will not rest until all living souls bend to my will.

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Your Mother Ate My Dog!!

I guess I have been misinformed in my assumption that EVERYONE has seen (and loves) Dead Alive. In just the last few weeks I have met an insane amount of people who have never even heard of the greatest movie of our time. Seriously you guys...a peerless classic.

Smoothies, anyone?

Sumatran Rat Monkey

Mum, are you alright?

Precious, isn't he?

A.M. Feeding

Painful Delivery

A Peerless Classic
You owe it to yourselves.

Unfortunately, this is the most productive thing I've done all day

EEvil, Pure Evil!

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator

It's like they know me...

Monday, January 03, 2005

What the Duck???

GRRRR....Back to school tomorrow (already?!!). I guess I have been so busy patting myself on the back for that 4.0 I lost track of time.
And I can't begin to tell you how overjoyed I am to be handing over that $150 for my accounting text. I am beginning to think I should switch my major--I don't think you could make as much money selling crack as you can textbooks, and most of them are obsolete in only a few months time. New quarter, new books, new suckers; a truly flawless operation.

I decided to put my licensing exam off until mid- to late March. Too many holidays over this break made scheduling a bitch and it isn't an urgency considering I don't plan to have use for an active license in the very near future.

In other news, I unwittingly offended my first Southerner this week. Apparently they don't read left to right like we do here in the Northwest. (My apologies to the rest of the South for the shameless generalization; excuse my tasteless humor. On second thought, given this observation, I just realized you probably can't read this anyhow so..*thick Southern drawl* "ya'll can kiss my rebel ass!")

Ya'll can kiss my rebel ass!

I am still quite the inexperienced blogger, as you can easily tell, but I am starting to pick up on a few trends here and there. It seems there is an abundance of fellow bloggers who seem to be a bit uptight and easily offended. There also exists quite the lot who enjoy making somewhat taunting posts that prove to nag at the conservative's countless triggers of rage, rendering them helpless against their own insatiable appetites to post 'pissy' comments in response.
I think (admittedly, s-l-o-w to connect the dots) the intent of the apparent "anger-inducing" blogger is to solicit these emotionally charged comments from the overly sensitive reader. What I don't understand is why these readers bother to post comments to topics that make them so upset. Duck Hunt Please let me know if I am mistaken in assuming most of these sensitive, seemingly serious-to-a-fault responses to controversial opinions are actually offended people expending copious amounts of negative energy entertaining what is clearly just a ploy to illicit that very response.
Like ducks on a pond. I can't imagine it is as simple as that- Surely stupidity is not running so rampantly that even the most "dim bulb" wouldn't eventually say to themselves, "Hey wait, why do I keep chasing the bait??" It's baffling.

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