Friday, January 13, 2006

ask carrie

Hi Carrie,

I find your non-convention life to be very interesting! I really admire your determination to live life as you see fit, and not cave into the will of others.

Last year my boyfriend and I decided to embark on a "trial separation". We originally planned to do this for only 2 months, however the months kept going by, and it now has become a year. I think neither of us had the courage to make a final decision.

We have remained friends all this time, however we do not live together anymore, and I know I am no longer aware of everything that goes on in his life. I believed we had an unspoken rule about not dating anyone else. And I've kept that promise; recently I've come to suspect he is seeing someone. While I know I don't own him anymore, I do feel hurt as if this new relationship of his is cheating on me. I really want to get married and have children, and I feel that he would be the perfect father. I am not sure how to approach him and let him know that I still am madly in love with him. I want to confront his new girlfriend and explain to her what she is trying to wreck, but I'm afraid it will drive him away from me forever when he finds out. I'm really at a loss on what to do!


thats because people like you never want to accept that the answer doesn't necessarily involve getting what you want.
Ima put it to you blunt Ash, cos I know you thats why you came to me in the first place.

a year is a long ass time and I think you're kidding yourself if you think he is sitting around playing convent with you.
Im assuming that this separation is something he initiated because
a) you're presenting it as if it were a mutual thing and well, it just never is,
b) I think you'd feel less reluctant to "make a final decision" if you'd actually been a part of the original decision, and
c) you conveniently left out the part about how long you'd been together. which leads me to believe it was probably less than a year and you just didn't want to mention that because it takes credence away from all that fluff you've been filling your head with.

normally this is where I'd have to preface my next statement with all that "I don't really know you guys" jazz, but in this case I feel like you've actually projected a fairly accurate portrayal;
your EX boyfriend is a pussy.
there is one line of your email that stands out to me:

"..neither of us had the courage to make a final decision."

this line alone proves that you are simply in denial. this was your own speculation! you had the answer all along but instead of facing it head on you choose to further delude yourself. that line should have read:

"HE didn't have the courage to PRESENT a final decision."

as obviously, from your account, he has made one. as far as you trying to involve yourself in his new relationship, leave it alone.
you can only change a relationship you're party to. any interference from you will only work to your detriment.

don't let your biological clock cloud your logic; any man who needs a 2 month break from you before theres even any kids in the mix is not cut out for fatherhood. in essence, he did you a favor by making that clear before it was too late.

Anonymous Thomas, the Retarded Monkey thinks I am a total genius.

I second that motion.

Suggesting a 2 month break doesn't mean "Hey, let's breed". It means "I don't need your company for a few months". Sad but true.

Saturday, January 14, 2006 1:37:00 AM  
Blogger @bee thinks I am a total genius.

damn sad but fucking true!!I liked the word " your ex is a pussy" grand word carrie you're about! cheers!

Saturday, January 14, 2006 2:49:00 AM  
Anonymous fruey (Let's Have It) thinks I am a total genius.

Very clairvoyant of you Carrie. You could be wrong, but you're likely to be very close to the truth. In any case, you're dead right: no point holding out for an improbable thing to happen. Get on with your life and turn the page.


Saturday, January 14, 2006 6:18:00 AM  
Blogger raymi lauren thinks I am a total genius.

she sent me the same thing but i had zero answers for her, you did a brilliant job.

Saturday, January 14, 2006 8:34:00 AM  
Blogger Morris thinks I am a total genius.

That was a really good answer! I wish strange people would email me and ask me questions!

Saturday, January 14, 2006 11:30:00 AM  
Blogger dan thinks I am a total genius.

Oooh, now I want more. More people should write to Carrie for advice.

Saturday, January 14, 2006 8:20:00 PM  
Blogger Croaker thinks I am a total genius.

They READ your blog and they are asking you for advice, how fucked up is that. My advice read Dr. Phil's blog for the relationship advice, read Carrie's blog for the sheer entertainment value.

Sunday, January 15, 2006 5:49:00 PM  
Blogger TEN33GIRL thinks I am a total genius.

Fantastic advice! You should make this a regular part of your blog

Sunday, January 15, 2006 7:14:00 PM  
Blogger nicole thinks I am a total genius.


I'd definitely tell this girl to stay away from the passive aggressive loser she's so desperate to be with. But even I wouldn't be sharp enough to realize that he was probably the one who wanted the split in the first place.

You should definitely incorporate this into your regular blogging. Do you need us to send you more questions?

Sunday, January 15, 2006 7:46:00 PM  
Blogger nicole thinks I am a total genius.

By the way, has anyone ever mentioned how much that photo of you looks like Fiona Apple? Me and Eric were just talking about that.

You think we're nuts, don't you?

Sunday, January 15, 2006 7:52:00 PM  
Blogger Danielle thinks I am a total genius.

croaker, you're a dickhead.

Sunday, January 15, 2006 8:24:00 PM  
Blogger athooks thinks I am a total genius.

The female "Savage Love"... keep it up.


Monday, January 16, 2006 1:32:00 PM  
Blogger DIE! DIE! thinks I am a total genius.

I dont know...I think it could work...If they would just get down to business and squeeze out a kid or two, it'll fix everything! I swear that works...those two will be fine and they'll work everything out...I'm feeling good, i'm gonna have some more wine:))

Monday, January 16, 2006 8:03:00 PM  
Blogger Rich Rosenthal II thinks I am a total genius.

I would understand if he said, "I just need a little more xbox time." who doesn't

Monday, January 16, 2006 11:24:00 PM  
Anonymous Craig @ work thinks I am a total genius.

damn that's some good advise...

Tuesday, January 17, 2006 1:02:00 PM  
Blogger captain_howdy_girl thinks I am a total genius.

LOL well said carrie. hey, I bet cha a dollar shes still fucking him

Wednesday, January 18, 2006 3:31:00 AM  
Blogger Laurie thinks I am a total genius.

Yep, any guy that says, "I just need to work up the courage.." is a total pussy, and is just stringing you along.

I speak from experience.

Friday, January 20, 2006 10:06:00 AM  
Blogger jane thinks I am a total genius.

Dayum Carrie, I think you hit the nail right on the head, over & over again. Guys will stay in a relationship like that because they can.
My hat's off to you girl & if I've got a dilemma, you can bet your sweet bippy I'm coming here to get help!

Friday, January 20, 2006 2:38:00 PM  
Blogger Mandy thinks I am a total genius.

You definitely hit the nail on the head with that one. There was no decision to be made, he had definitely already made it, especially if it's been a year and he's seeing someone else. Sometimes we just don't want to see what's staring us in the face.

Sunday, January 22, 2006 10:32:00 AM  
Blogger Dave thinks I am a total genius.

this reminds me of the God advice column i've always wanted to do. Like:

Dear God,
My boyfriend and I've been dating for 8 months, and things are going pretty well. The problem is this: he's starting to pressure me for sex. On the one hand, I love my boyfriend and want to make him happy, but, on the other, I know what the Bible says. What should I do?
-Confused in Carolina

Dear Confused,
God realizes what he said in the Bible but come on. People lived till like 26 and girls were getting fingered by 11. Solution? Give it up.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006 2:00:00 PM  
Blogger chase thinks I am a total genius.

hey carrie girl...I've been doing columns like this on and off for years, I love giving advise and like you I love to be point blank and put it out there, lol.

My first clue was when she said "I believed we had an unspoken rule about not dating anyone else." Dumb, dumb, dumb...nothing unspoken can be taken as truth, what are you guys mind readers? if it was unspoken, it never was....

Tuesday, January 31, 2006 1:19:00 PM  

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