Friday, March 18, 2005

Gang Showers

This post by Rich over at Shockingly Provincial has inspired me to share with you a formative memory from my youth.

When I was nine I had the misfortune of attending camp with my fourth grade class for an entire week.
We were separated into cabins and intermingled with kids from other schools in my state who we would have to "bunk" with for our stay.

There were about ten girls in my cabin and two showers.
I had no idea they didn't plan on letting us take turns.

Instead of being even somewhat reasonable and letting us go two at a time, they piled five of us into each stall.

As if it wasn't weird enough for me to be naked and squished into a 3x4 stall with a bunch of girls I've never met, I somehow got stuck in there with a grotesquely over-developed 21 year old (what's a nice word for retarded??) woman who had THE HUGEST BOOBS I HAVE EVER SEEN!
Thank God for the remedial qualities of marijuana.

I cannot begin to recount here the horror of what I saw.
They were COLOSSAL. I was staring. We were all staring.

I don't know WHY she was there.
We were nine. She acted like she was six. She looked like she was forty.

Some of the other girls ended up befriending her and they would sit and talk for hours while the rest of us participated in various activities.
Pretty soon she was telling them all about living in a hospital and having strange men come into her room and rape her all the time, sparing no detail.
Her stories had quickly become the daily drama.

About the fourth night in, she freaked out. I heard her crying in the middle of the night. She jumped out of bed and ran out of the cabin screaming. Inevitably, chaos ensued.

The next morning they sent her sizeable ass back where it came from, but it was too late. We were spoiled; innocence lost.

God damn gang showers.

Blogger Rich Rosenthal II thinks I am a total genius.

I think the in term people us is "special needs" I have nothing to compare eith that story. Not even when the obviously gay guy who went back and forth to the showers in leapord skin bikini briefs. Our young teenage minds were of course programmed to be afraid of the idea of homo sexuals but none of us were forced to be in the shower with em and heck we were teens its not like I've ever been a small kid stuck in a room with some guy with an enourmos (porn star quality) package. That could have ruined me.

Saturday, March 19, 2005 3:44:00 AM  
Blogger the_strategy_freak thinks I am a total genius.


Sunday, March 20, 2005 1:12:00 PM  
Blogger the_strategy_freak thinks I am a total genius.

Hey! wtf? just because someone doesn't like guys staring at their dick doesn't mean they're gay! I mean; the leopardskin part is ridiculous but dammit I'm not going to go into to a gang shower anytime soon.

Sunday, March 20, 2005 1:14:00 PM  
Blogger Dave thinks I am a total genius.

try being retarded, large chested, and a man. i will.

Thursday, March 24, 2005 1:23:00 AM  
Blogger This Girl I Used to Know thinks I am a total genius.

The three days I spent at camp in the sixth grade were, I think, the three worst days in my entire life.

They pale in comparison with your story.

Friday, March 25, 2005 5:26:00 AM  
Blogger Kostya thinks I am a total genius.

hey but there is never anything wrong with large, perky, bouncing boobies. so everything evens out. BOOBIES FOREVER.

Tuesday, March 29, 2005 8:24:00 AM  
Blogger carrie thinks I am a total genius.

When you are a NINE YEAR OLD HETEROSEXUAL GIRL there is nothing okay about naked "special needs" boobies.
They neither perked nor bounced.
These were circus boobs, Kostya.

Thursday, March 31, 2005 7:57:00 PM  
Blogger Rich Rosenthal II thinks I am a total genius.

I like the phrase circus boobs I may have to steal it. For some reason I think bearded woman though. odd.

Thursday, March 31, 2005 10:43:00 PM  
Blogger Ethereal Darkness thinks I am a total genius.

Anything more than a handfull is a waste

Friday, April 01, 2005 4:01:00 PM  

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