Wednesday, May 17, 2006

"mama, I smoked the tv"

tapeworm has the crabbies. he says its just the heat but I think he secretly hates me and wants me to move out, only for some reason he is punishing himself so he keeps telling me I'm completely insane. when he washes the dishes he sprays water all over the kitchen and makes a huge mess and I know if I say anything about it he will just not do them anymore and he is actually flooding the kitchen with the exact intention that I will bitch and he will no longer have to do dishes.

my mom got a new dog. she had her last one euthanized because she thought it barked too much. also I am going to tell you all some riveting information via my textbook about why fat people are fat and can't not be fat because lets face it everyone hates them and thats just not nice cos well, they're people too apparently.

fat cells may increase in size and number when there is a positive energy balance. obese people have more fat cells than normal and they are also larger. when energy out exceeds energy in, their sizes dwindle, but not their number. people with extra fat cells tend to regain lost weight rapidly; with weight gain, their many fat cells readily fill.

In contrast, people with an average number of enlarged fat cells may be more successful in maintaining weight lost; when their cells shrink, both cell size and number are normal.

there are also more complex hormonal influences at work to make the fat cells of an obese person super efficient at storing fat as well but thats too much to blog and you get the point.

..this makes it rather obvious why "dieting" does not work-- the second you stop, those efficient fat cells win. the only changes worth making are those you can commit to lifelong ;)

Blogger Morris thinks I am a total genius.

so basically if you have chunk in the trunk, you are fucked for life?

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 5:45:00 PM  
Blogger Tickles_Tapeworm thinks I am a total genius.

yeah, sounds like fucked for life pretty much sums it up.

don't you remember? it was the second to last dog that was put down (thank fucking god). the last one, they didnt have time for, so they had us take it across the state to some other asshole who didn't fucking take care of it. So will this new dog be ours, or will it go to your mom's friends in the trailer park?

and you're damn right. i'm sick of doing the dishes. fucking sick. you do em from now on.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 6:33:00 PM  
Anonymous Thomas, the Retarded Monkey thinks I am a total genius.

Lifelong commitment?

I hear wedding bells...


Wedding bells and strange voices, late at night. The bells are way better.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006 11:20:00 PM  
Blogger Croaker thinks I am a total genius.

I don't do commitment very well, thank god I'm not obese!

Thursday, May 18, 2006 6:54:00 AM  
Blogger dan thinks I am a total genius.

If this blog was a penis, I'd blow it.

Thursday, May 18, 2006 12:45:00 PM  
Blogger x0r thinks I am a total genius.

awww... you 2! /hug
think about, really... "I WANT YOU TO /WANT/ TO DO THE DISHES!"... "NOBODY /WANTS/ TO DO THE DISHES?!"

in this lies both the real issue and the real answer.

for example, i used to live with the stripper and help take care of her baby (not mine). i couldn't change poopy diapers cause poop makes me puke... it seriously comes from the trauma i recieved from some VERY early drunken nights on Alta Vista Image Search with my good... well, friend... joey where he would type in something like, 'scat' and say, 'i dare you to hit enter... that was when tubgirl.gif was actually on an asian scat fetish shite...er... site. and baby poop looks just like that enema orgy kinda shit... so, our deal was this: i would threaten to kill creepy guys that followed her home from work and her (x)husband and she would change poopy diapers.

it's all about compromise and reciprocity.

she was the only girl that ever let me fuck her in the ass. that was also the only time i ever spent time in a psych-ward. i hope orlando, fl gets eaten by the ocean next. Leviathan, lunch is SERVED.

Friday, May 19, 2006 6:19:00 AM  
Anonymous nicole thinks I am a total genius.

That's good news. I wanna hold on to my trunk chunk. ;)

Saturday, May 20, 2006 5:52:00 PM  

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