Tuesday, May 30, 2006

talk nerdy to me

yesterday tapeworm and I went to some old peoples house that smelled of sauerkraut and incontinence and I sat on their couch and demystified finance and got a pee rash or something and had to scratch myself a lot.

also we took tapes mom shopping and she rented get rich or die tryin and then spilled a rootbeer float in the car and didn't tell anybody.

my parents were here for like 5 mins saturday and my dad launched into a panic attack and totally stroked out for no reason. they are set on moving back to seattle now because they "miss me" and have some absurd expectation that I will want to come live with them again.

I have to go make tapeworm watch brokeback mountain now because I know how much he really doesn't want to watch it and the thought of seeing his little homophobic toes curl up when he sees cowboys touching each other is making me way excited.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

things that suck:

not having my shoutbox anymore. so what if I ignored you I still liked it.

never knowing the names of any of the famous people I am trying to talk about.
..or when I assign them names that no one else knows. and also not even be able to tell you what show they're from or what movies they've been in. this is a real problem actually.

not being stoned enough. wait.. I can fix that!

having people live upstairs. especially the ones that live up there now and DID I TELL YOU that I went up there and she answered the door in her bra? I told you people before that I am an irresistably unattainable lesbian fantasy HOWEVER annoying me until I come upstairs and knock on your door to tell you that you have succeeded in irritating me just so you can try and throw all your lesbianation at me in one.. um, door answering.. just goes above and beyond the call of duty.
I am way easier than that.

dawsons creek only comes on once a day. I don't really give a shit what you people think about it, one is just never enough. how did I used to manage when it was only on ONCE A WEEK??????!!!! baffling. I am totally retarded for that show.

ugh this list sucks.

one time I almost lost my arm working a production line in a magnet factory. I was feeding sheets of magnet into 2 big rollers that pressed them to adhesive backed photos and my hand got caught for a second. there is a button to stop them, but that was not my first reaction. it was totally stressful.

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

"mama, I smoked the tv"

tapeworm has the crabbies. he says its just the heat but I think he secretly hates me and wants me to move out, only for some reason he is punishing himself so he keeps telling me I'm completely insane. when he washes the dishes he sprays water all over the kitchen and makes a huge mess and I know if I say anything about it he will just not do them anymore and he is actually flooding the kitchen with the exact intention that I will bitch and he will no longer have to do dishes.

my mom got a new dog. she had her last one euthanized because she thought it barked too much. also I am going to tell you all some riveting information via my textbook about why fat people are fat and can't not be fat because lets face it everyone hates them and thats just not nice cos well, they're people too apparently.

fat cells may increase in size and number when there is a positive energy balance. obese people have more fat cells than normal and they are also larger. when energy out exceeds energy in, their sizes dwindle, but not their number. people with extra fat cells tend to regain lost weight rapidly; with weight gain, their many fat cells readily fill.

In contrast, people with an average number of enlarged fat cells may be more successful in maintaining weight lost; when their cells shrink, both cell size and number are normal.

there are also more complex hormonal influences at work to make the fat cells of an obese person super efficient at storing fat as well but thats too much to blog and you get the point.

..this makes it rather obvious why "dieting" does not work-- the second you stop, those efficient fat cells win. the only changes worth making are those you can commit to lifelong ;)

Monday, May 15, 2006

breasticles!!!!!!!!!!!

my cousins brain exploded last year. she married some guy she met in narcotics anonymous. they had a lot in common, namely 8 children and cocaine.

she and I were both adopted and my family was never okay with me bringing home black guys but it was fine for her cos she was mexican (???????????) and they didn't feel that they could expect her to keep it white.

when I was in first grade, my teacher had us cut faces out of construction paper and put yarn hair on it and they were supposed to be our self portraits. somehow I was surprised when she asked me why I had chosen to use brown paper for my pale face and black yarn instead of yellow for my blonde hair.

I had like zero white friends and I begged my mom for months to let me wear my hair in braids like the girls down my block had. eventually she gave in and sectioned my hair up in like 5 ponytails and braided them and put 5 of my little clips in the bottoms to hold them in place and sent me off to school.
heh. I didn't quite fit in like I thought I would.

Friday, May 12, 2006

attractive nuisance

I used to hang out with this retarded girl named nikki when I was in highschool cos she smelled bad and had sandpaper face and well. I just looked really good standing next to her :D so yeah anyhow she pissed me off one day when I was at her house so I was gonna steal one of her cds while she was in the shower and when I was going thru them I found some shit she stole from me and I was like NUH UH BITCH!!!!!! and stole it right back. that cunt.

ugh saturday classes are gaaaaaaaaaaay. how can I be expected to read when there's so much beer in the world?

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