aint that a bitch

today was a good day for finishing off half empty bottles of belvedere and passing out on the balcony. well, I'd like to have passed out, but the phone keeps ringing once and hanging up and that kinda really fucked my nap. it was like the time my parents called the police to kidnap their own daughter out of her sleep and drag her to the dshs at 3a to go live with a lesbian and a drug baby.

I think everyone I know came over today.
and just sat here staring at my walls long after I tried to give them the "hey get the fuck out" hints.
but I'm pretty sure I know why.


britt says he never said that shit.

I'd fuck her...

gotta say I was a little surprised to come across this post while voting in botb.


according to radmaddog, the author of doggy stylin', I am currently the #3 most bangable blog babe. he makes me sound like a fuckin rockstar and I'm super flattered.
I didn't even have to send him any naked photos!

chug-a-lug

butt rock britt showed up in his signature sleeveless shirt/headband combo but I couldn't talk the fat fuck into driving me up to my school so I could sign for my tuition grants before the 4:30 deadline. so instead I spent 3 hours on the bus and got motion sickness. but I made it. with 14 minutes to spare. posted up at the owl with tapeworm for some long islands before catching the bus back. some cross eyed woman sat down next to me and I'm pretty sure she stared at my boobs the whole ride home.

thirsty

in seattle this weekend? get bombed and check out some seattle rap!
9:30p saturday at the cocksport 4209 alaska. $5 cover.

perhaps you remember kirk from the last time I mentioned him. hes still drunker than ever and hes got a new cd to prove it. you can pick one up on saturday and get a chance to meet him while yer at it...

more about kdubb and mister holmes at www.kirkdubb.com, their official website. you can also check out their myspace for a taste of the new album.

my neighbors all sucked too

this is my old apartment. the two bottom windows you see were my living and dining area..if you can call it that. the whole thing was about the size of a bedroom. 400sq ft to be exact. I slept in the closet so I could still have an 8ft couch and coffee table for my scumbag friends to sit and put their feet up on.

you might notice in the picture that all of the windows on the whole building are open. sure its a nice day, but the real deal is this fucking place is a portal into the fires of hell! the heat is insane. even in february as it snowed outside. we had fans in the windows and fans on the floor and fans on the tables but it just pushed around the hot air and we would hafta lay there in a pool of sweat.

there was a dance studio across the street and on the weekends all the mommies would stand out there like a giant pack of water buffalo whilst paying no mind to their screaming demon children and I'd have to stick my head out the window and let em know about it. I think I bitched more at those heifers than at the bums that hung out on the front stoop drinking tall boys of 211. at least they weren't crying.

theres a security thing there by the door that calls your phone when people hit your apt# so you can buzz em in. I moved out last october and I still get calls from it. and someone lives there now and probably can't figure out why no one ever comes over. and I hang up on all their friends cos I'm a bitch.

oh. right.

I saw some parasailers on elliot bay yesterday and I was like, "ooh! I wanna parasail! but I don't wanna do it over the water, though. thats kinda scary."
and tapeworm said, "uh.. well, thats kinda the only way you can do it."

shocking culture

shortly before 12a I was riding the 16 meet up with tapeworm in queen anne. I was pretty sure the last stop was by tower but I guess it was the block before it cos the bus took a right and started toward aurora (a freeway) and I was kinda freaking out cos the next stop wasn't for miles and I had no idea how to get back where I needed to be without trying to run through gaps in traffic and straddle the median divider thing (not fun). this middle eastern or indian or whatever dude heard me talking to the driver and he was like "don't worry I'll help you get back" so I chilled the fuck out and we got to talking about weed somehow. and he was like "what else do you do?"

we got off the bus and start walking to some shitty motel he's living in cos he wants to compare goods before he shows me back and hes like "I've got some magazines I really want to show you" and I'm like, "uh..yeah, sure." like I've never seen an issue of hightimes before, right?
we walk in the room and I sit down at the table and he immediately goes in the bathroom and starts pissing. with the door wide open. and I'm like, "wow dude, I can totally see you." I turned my head to look away and notice theres a fucking woman in the bed trying to sleep and he's just like "whatever".

he sits across me and I'm just ready to get the fuck out so I pack a quick bowl and he's like lets do some of this shit now and loads up his little chode pipe. the bitch woke up and started freaking out a little so he offered it to her and she got all pissy and pulled the blankets over her head and I'm like "dude, lets just go" and he's like "no, it's cool."

we sat there for a bit and I was fucked the fuck up and out of nowhere he pulls out some goddamn fat porn from the drawer on the nightstand and I was like holy WHAT THE FUCK?!! but I didn't have to say shit cos the bitch totally came unglued! she jumped up out of bed, threw off the blankets and starts screaming at him butt nekkid in broken english and all I could make out for sure was "don't ever touch me again!" she started charging at me and I was like oh shit! and grabbed for the door and this crazy fool followed me out carrying a blanket and said, "its okay, we can just sit out here and smoke" but I was like "hah. fuck you, fuck this, I'll figger it out myself." and of course I did. but sometimes I wonder what I would've done if that guy hadn't offered to help me. I'm super lucky cos I always meet really cool people on the bus.

kinda trashy

I hate to clean and so I never do it. like ever. people just come over here and eat cereal and break my shit and leave all their trash everywhere and I'm not about to spend all day cleaning up my junk so those scumbags can come back tomorrow and ruin everything again. but its starting to get kinda really bad and even I don't want to look at it anymore. sucks huh? I was gonna post some pictures just so you could see that I'm not fucking around but tickles was like "um..NO." he thinks I'm gonna make us look bad or something and I was like "dude. it's not exactly like I've been projecting a wholesome image prior to this post."

okay thats weird

I don't know what the hell I've been doing but I just found some peanut butter on my back.

yes thats the space needle

can you believe people actually pay $13 just to ride an elevator? me neither. and its not just one or two of em. idiots go up there all day long. I've lived in Seattle all my life and I have never gone up there. WHY? I went to the seattle center today for the first time since the office christmas party when they bought us all passes to the emp but we posted up in the lounge and got trashed instead. that was a lot more fun than than I had today at the bite. it was so jammed up, I seriously couldn't push through the waves of people. exhausting. and there was waaaay the fuck too many fools in line for the funnel cakes (but they were soooo worth every minute of the wait). sadly, tempero wasn't there this year and without moqueca, it's just not worth wading the crowd. we managed to get a seat for the bus ride home but the driver kept picking up people when there was no more standing room left and some guy sitting behind us was trying to get bitches to sit on his lap and then the driver freaked out and yelled "everybody off the bus!" and nobody listened and he got punked by a 14 year old boy who said, "just shut the fuck up and drive." which is exactly what he did.

*@!&#%$

IE is lame. for those of you viewing this through internet explorer- sorry its all ganked! tried to spiff up my template a bit and I can't make it look right in ie. damnit. I dunno what I did wrong but I think it has something to do with the padding values on my sidebar and main. the borders are extending too far vertically. anyway. I've spent seriously way too long trying to fix it today so I'm just gonna say fuck it for now. if anyone knows whats causing this or has any suggestions for me please comment or email.
thank you!

jesus loves me

holy fuck! some man angel just called and wants to pay me to eat candy!! I get to eat 7 different kinds of dark chocolate love for 2 days in a row and then they pay me $100 for it. and I get to eat candy. and they want to pay me for eating the candy. I don't know if I'm more excited about eating the candy or getting the money. I'm kinda thrilled about both.

# two

I just ate like half a pineapple and now my tongue hurts like theres little cuts all over it. kinda sucks real bad. bob drinks rum and pineapple juice. just like a girl. I think the people upstairs are trying to bounce a bowling ball. and I'm worried about jumproping? shit. I've been eating a lot of raisin bran this week and it's having an effect on me. we were smoking resin earlier and tapeworm almost puked. it was fucking hilarious. he's been playing prank call recordings all day and they're pretty funny but it gets extra irritating to hear people bitching and yelling after awhile. it reminds me of when I used to have a job. ick. dude, I'm disgusting cos its been beautiful here like 90 degrees everyday but I don't wake up until after 5p. and even lamer than that is how I have 7 days left to accept my tuition grants but I just can't seem to wake up during office hours. sometimes it's too much to even take a free ride, y'know.

1. If you were a celebrity, what kind would it be (movies, tv, literature, crime, etc)?

a musician

2. Which other celebrities would you make a concerted effort to try and be around?

pfft. they come to me.

3. Which other celebrities would you avoid like the plague?

girls and anyone who couldn't help me become more rich/famous/powerful.

4. Which celebrities would you date?

really fucking rich ones and Tom Cruise (katie's getting on in her years)

5. What would be your “Celebrity Cause”?

drug awareness. kids need to know that drugs are everywhere and they're affordable and they make you a better person.

6. Since celebs always get off, what crime(’s) would you commit?

I would kill. just like henry.

7. What would be the name of your tell-all book?

"mama, I smoked the tv"

8. Tag 3 people to do this poll. (I don't usually do this part...but)

tapeworm
jane
prynce

9. Link to the post that tagged you.

badtofudotcommunist

another thing

I get kinda irked when someone says "no problem" instead of "you're welcome". I'm not apologizing, I'm thanking you. damnit.