Wednesday, April 26, 2006

hi.

yesterday I told my mom I am having anxiety about getting old and she basically called me stupid. not that she's wrong but that wasn't exactly the consolation I was after. anyway I am about 5.5 years away from noticeable deterioration and that bothers me.

when I woke up my dvr was full and there was this whole overwhelming urgency about having to watch all my shows at once to make room for all my new shows to get recorded.
you don't know stress.

Monday, April 24, 2006

post

I was just thinking it was probably time I had posted something new.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

HORK!

I hurt myself right promptly for nice weather and drinking.
well the drinking is not going to be affected really.
...and I guess neither is the weather.
but I am pretty sure something about that equation is going to be a bummer even if I can't put my finger on it right now.
OH and then I got sick (!!!!!!!!!!)
not like puking on myself and sleeping by the toilet sick;
this is all about sneezing bloody clumps of infection and disgust plus I can't hear myself talk and I want to jam q-tips in my ears until they work again.
stop acting like you give a shit.

I read that sleeping can alter the shape of your boobs and now I am SUPER PARANOID to lay down for fear that I may adversely affect my assets.

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

less fortunate than whoM?

my mom is being a total cunt and I have pretty much been extricated from the rest of my family because they are all insecure and intimidated by my genius and sheer earning power. I will be the most successful person they know soon and they totally hate that.

I have had a headache for about 4 months now and I think it might be a tumor or something equally tragic because I am feeling dramatic and I want it to be important.

for a minute today I was seriously considering volunteer work at a homeless youth organization I used to take advantage of and then I remembered that I totally HATE homeless people and the last thing I want to do is spend 20 thankless hours every week trying to help a bunch of losers who don't even care to help themselves. which made me question why I was considering it in the first place. and I think I associate that place with being irresponsible and having people coddle me for it. even tho being homeless sucks a lot, it is the ultimate vacation from life.

there is a noise war going on between me and the people upstairs and they are of course winning because all they have to do is run across the floor to be annoying and I have to actually stand on my furniture and beat the ceiling which is more inconvenient.

this is too much stress to have over something so insignificant but its also impossible to ignore people stomping and screaming and jumping off the furniture 24 hours a day. these people are totally fucked. if I had a basement I would hang myself in it. actually if I had a basement I wouldn't have to hang myself anymore because I probably couldn't hear them from down there. I would just have to only hang out in the basement from now on. which depending on how cool my basement was I may still want to hang myself in it.

I am kinda in a really shitty mood and everything I say sounds like whining and I am seriously starting to annoy myself.

Friday, March 24, 2006

OMG Y'ALL

I'm on 25 peeps!!!!!!!!!!!!!

okay so actually I got tha boot. after just 2 days. I guess my face was just too butty. or you selfish fucks weren't clicking my links enough. what the fuck? (!!!!!!) tho not to worry; I've re-submitted another pic and I will probably just keep doing that forever until someone gets so tired of seeing my retarded pictures that they leave me comments mean enough to convince me not to do it anymore.


holy shit tapeworm got a job and I am being super bitter and totally not happy at all because now we will never see each other again really and I will also be responsible for getting myself to school. it feels like I am losing more than I'm gaining out of this.

I have 8 classes left until graduation. thats like 8 classes left until I have to grow up, too.

ugh that was so emo. I sound about 8 hours away from menstruation.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

mein kolon

all my cousins totally hate me cos I've been way better than all of them since like, birth. plus I was the youngest and spent my whole first 7 years as a full time narc.

when I was 4 my cousin matt fed me like half a box of dog jerky and told me it was real beef jerky but I knew there was something wrong with it cos he was actually being nice and so I told my grandma and she got extra pissed and made him eat the whole rest of the pack.

when he was in 2nd grade he got lice so bad he plucked out all of his eyelashes. I never met his mom but I'm pretty sure she was a hooker.

he moved in with my aunt and her husband/his dad when he was like 10 but he was pretty much fucked from go and by the time he was 17 they'd finally had enough of him and were like, "get out" and so he and his scumbag friends would break into their house a whole bunch and steal everything and pawn it for heroin and he stole her car a few times and spent a good amount of time in jail.

I'm pretty sure he was gay. well his dad turned out to be anyhow. one time my aunt came home early from work and walked right into some kind of nazi meeting in her basement. he had swastikas hung on 3 walls and everyone was dressed in uniform.

when she filed for divorce, he had his hair dyed blonde cos he thought it was because he was starting to look old.

6 months after he moved out she found some unmarked videotapes and popped one in the vcr where she saw her ex-husband and a couple of his co-workers attempting to make their own amateur gay porn.

..I don't remember where I was going with this.


Friday, March 10, 2006

have you ever tried our sausages?

jorell has been sick for 2 and 1 half days and basically my life is so pathetic that I've had nothing else better to do than sit here and and whine about how I have no one to be gay with.


I brought my bike to my grandparents house for the weekend and my 76 year old grandpa decided to pull his tandem bicycle out of the shed and join me for a ride around the neighborhood.

we got about half way up the block and he stood up on his pedals as we came around the corner and then suddenly he circled back toward the house without saying a word, so I was like, "hey pops, did you forget something?" and he yelled back to me, "no.. damnit. I thought that was gonna be a fart"

Thursday, March 09, 2006

jackalbutt

someone called me vain this week. even tho I can totally see why, and I don't really disagree, it just sounded so icky.
like when I see someone who's completely and inexplicably full of themselves and I'm like "heh, somebody lied to her".
only this time I was that girl. ME (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
ugh I'm still feeling a little emo about it.


my mom started a collection to guilt the welfare recipients of her trailer park into donating money to buy me towels cos I told her we'd been drying off with napkins and baby oil.

I'll spend $300 a week getting high but theres just no way I'm paying $50 for towels.

let my fucking hair drip.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

chicks hate me

I got a friend request from tapeworms highschool girlfriend today on myspace. she is like 4 years older than me and we were never friends. obviously she is vying for my position and this was the warning shot. a slight annoyance but no cause for concern. I'm carrie damnit. and bear in mind, she has birthed children so yeah. she's shot.

I got super drunk last night and didn't go to sleep until 3 and had to get up at 6 this morning for an exam and had 4 shots of espresso on the way to class and pretty much had to take a shit the ENTIRE THREE HOURS I was testing.

also, I dont know what the major tragedy was yesterday but I'm gonna ask that you not sit in the goddamn BE shoutbox with your friends (or your enemies??!!?!! WTF?) and discuss ME(?!!) all day long.

..do it in the blogmad one :D

Monday, February 27, 2006

its amazing I don't get raped more often

our phone number is changing on the 1st and I was gonna post the number here until it got shut off but then I got paranoid that someone could be all nerdy and find my address and everything from it so I tried to do it and omg it works. I'm totally gonna go all stalker now. if I ever find any random mystery phone numbers I will scout out their owners and IDENTIFY THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plus you might want to think twice about posting your whole name on your blog cos I even looked up some of YOU. yes. its true. luckily for you all I'm one of the good guys. I don't have any plans to kidnap, rape, kill or throw any of your bodies in a dumpster.
but y'know if it happens, it happens.

around 7pm I was late to meet up with tapeworm and he had already left so I was walking around downtown looking for a phone and saw a guy glance up at me as he was getting into his car and I paused to ask him if he knew where I could find one and he said, "actually, yeah, I'm headed up that way. can I take you?" unlocked the door and cleared the seat. I didn't hesitate to accept the invitation. after all, I had approached him. I got in the car and as promised, he drove up the hill and about 4 blocks south before pulling upside a payphone in front of a large office building. I thanked him and got out of the car, shutting the door behind me and proceeded to make my call. when I finished he was still there and didn't appear to be doing anything but waiting for me so I waved and went on my way. as I reached the curb I saw him turn his car around and he drove back toward the way we came. I walked in the same direction along side the endless string of parked cars lining the street until I came upon one with a man sitting inside smiling at me. waving with one hand and masturbating with the other. the same man I had just ridden with a few blocks back.

Saturday, February 25, 2006

I have a feeling my grades are about to tank

I loved (the idea of) battle of the blogs but it was pretty much a disaster from go. the same 5 housewives sat in there all day fixing battles and voting for people based on how much they paid for their webdiva template. and while they do look nice, a pretty picture does not a blogger make.
and it got old. damn old.

no one was really having fun anymore and people were actually getting kicked out for reporting cheating and complaining about it.

I honestly couldn't care less about empty blog traffic, but I liked playing the games damnit. all of the other blog traffic services are carbon copies of each other that don't offer anything but surfing and can't even manage to distribute traffic; the ONLY thing they claim to do. 500 credits shouldn't last a month. and theres just no way in hell I'm going to sit here and click to watch the same 10 blogs rotate.

...but I will cage fight :D

theres finally a place for those of us who liked to pit ourselves against each other without turning everything into a popularity contest.. no more people IM'ing me to vote for them (!!) no more mommy blog domination. and (hopefully) no more WHINING. oh, and get exposure for your blog too :p

plus you can transfer credits to other people, rate blogs on varb, upload your pics to create custom puzzles and put together puzzles made by other bloggers. theres actually a ton of shit to do at blogmad. its quality surfing and has made quite the bump in my visitors as well. I'm way impressed. I spent at least 3 hours there today for their trial launch and still didn't see everything!
(..or get any homework done)

its currently 'invite only' but all you gotta do is ask for one. and if you had signed up back in the day when they first started taking members, you're already in.

also I found a whole community dedicated to hating rachael ray.

thats actually not part of blogmad.
but it should be.

I never realized how important boobs are for women until I saw one who didn't have any.

I hope the effing olympics are about over. oprah at 3 isnt really working out.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

who gives a fuck what you think?

heh.. me

you don't have to be a long-time reader to participate, so long as you have gotten a general impression of me through my blog or comments I've made.

I would appreciate your honest opinion rather than your attempts at humor, but I'll take what feedback I can get and promise not to track you down and kill you for disagreeing with me.


click on the links below and choose 5 or 6 words you think best describe me. good AND bad :D

johari window         nohari window


This tool allows me to see which qualities others perceive in me, and which ones are merely my own imagination. This is a tool for self-improvement.



interpreting the window:

Terms selected by both the participant and their peers are placed into the Arena quadrant, representing the fact that everyone involved knows these particular pieces of information about the participant individual; they have been openly communicated.

Terms selected only by the participant, but not by any of their peers, are placed into the Façade quadrant, representing information about the participant of which their peers are unaware. The choice is then up to the participant whether or not to self-disclose this set of information.

Terms that are not selected by the participant but only by their peers are placed into the Blind Spot quadrant. These represent information of which the participant is not aware, but others are, and they can decide whether and how to inform the individual about these "blind spots".

Terms which were not selected by either the participant or their peers remain in the Unknown quadrant, representing the participant's behaviors or motives which were not recognized by anyone participating. This may be because they do not apply, or because there is collective ignorance of the existence of that trait.

I nicked this from omnamaste.

Friday, February 17, 2006

thats a 'whites only' pie

my mom called yesterday for the first time since christmas. it was good to hear from her in the obligatory sense but exhausting otherwise. I had the number changed this morning.

my school is having a racist bake sale where they're gonna charge people based on their earning potential. that means white men get taxed and cripples pretty much eat for free. I'm totally gonna go cos I'm a woman. thats something of a handicap.


(click image to view full-size flyer)


I have rum and 4 jugs of pineapple juice. plus I can pause live television now. my quality of life is beginning to surpass even my own expectations :D