Sunday, September 25, 2005

"I'm the one smoking marijuana, motherfucker"

my excedrin kinda smells like vinegar.

I totally made a white trash ass spectacle of myself at the fair. but I got some funnel cake, so yeah.

I turned the ringer on my phone off like 2 weeks ago and forgot about it. apparently that was enough time to make all 9000 people who left voicemails completely forget anything worthwhile they might have had to say when they called cos all I've heard since I turned it back on is "where the hell have you been?". I'm thinking maybe I should just turn the fucker back off.

hehehh..tapeworm and I were at thriftway and some kid kept putting shit in my cart and I was like, "hey yer carts over there, dude" and some behemoth on a fucking cell phone was glaring at us and I was like "is that your kid?" and she looked at me all cockeyed and said, "don't worry about it."

I was like, what? OH FUCK NO.. but I said, "I wouldn't have to worry about it if you were watching your kid instead of sitting your fat ass on the phone all fucking day."

I picked up a bunch of baked beans off the shelf and threw em in her cart and said "there. hows that?"

tapeworm was about to wet himself.

she grabbed her kid up by the arm and pushed her cart out of the aisle. beans and all.

we were fucking hysterical. those beans weren't even on sale.

Blogger A Bronx Tale thinks I am a total genius.

that's fucking champ....

haaaaaaaaaaaaaa...

Sunday, September 25, 2005 11:16:00 PM  
Blogger captain_howdy_girl thinks I am a total genius.

good for you carrie. the bitch was asking for it

Monday, September 26, 2005 4:21:00 AM  
Blogger Croaker thinks I am a total genius.

My 6 year old told me yesterday,you get tapeworms from picking your nose. So I guess that one is solved.

I'm surprised you didn't beam her with the can of beans.

Monday, September 26, 2005 6:15:00 AM  
Blogger Heavyskies thinks I am a total genius.

That is the single greatest thing I've heard all day.

Monday, September 26, 2005 7:47:00 AM  
Blogger Danielle thinks I am a total genius.

OMG Carrie, YOU SO need to come visit now!!!

Monday, September 26, 2005 10:46:00 AM  
Blogger cher thinks I am a total genius.

that's hallarious! i wonder what her side of the story to her wife beater wearin, bear guzzlin, nicotine stained fingered redneck of a fat fuck husband sounded like

Monday, September 26, 2005 10:50:00 AM  
Blogger Shy thinks I am a total genius.

if we lived anywhere near close to each other, children would fear going to stores...i have similar problems...the two from petsmarts stand out most vividly. one elephantine woman, whose boobs alone outweighed me, went psycho when i told her screaming child to let go of my leg (he was scared of a dog in a cage). I think i scared her in the end. i was proud.

Monday, September 26, 2005 11:01:00 AM  
Blogger The Prynce thinks I am a total genius.

Good on ya, Carrie!

If you don't want people being mean to your kid, don't let him be a little asshole in public. If you can't control your own kids, don't let them out in public, else someone may very well bitch-slap 'em.
And that's coming from someone who would fuckin' powerbomb someone that's mean to my son.

If I ever have to go to Seattle because of the job that I don't have, you've got to let me follow you around with a video camera.

-=The Prynce

Monday, September 26, 2005 11:22:00 AM  
Blogger Morris thinks I am a total genius.

Hillarious!

Mr. Morris
Ask Morrisdgk

Monday, September 26, 2005 4:17:00 PM  
Blogger Rich Rosenthal II thinks I am a total genius.

I just look at em and say, "didn't your mama ever tell you about strangers." that puts the fear of god into em.

Monday, September 26, 2005 9:32:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous thinks I am a total genius.

lol OMG you are crazy. lol Prynce would be following you around with my cam he aint got one. lol Sorry I just had to say that.

Sorry Prynce but you and the word job are funny together. I'm just fuckin with ya dont flip out. :-)

Shannon

Monday, September 26, 2005 9:58:00 PM  
Anonymous Athene Aquinas thinks I am a total genius.

A very entertaining Blog... keep it up...:-)

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 12:42:00 AM  
Blogger carrie thinks I am a total genius.

calogero- hehe..thanks :)

veggie- hell yeah she was..and I let her have it :p

croaker- he should probably inform the AMA..I'm not sure they're aware of that one.
and believe me.. if it weren't for the fact that I KNOW what jail is like and live in fear of ever seeing it again, I would have ripped out her soul and made her eat it ;)

defiant- thank you :) I was pretty tickled myself.

danielle- I KNOW! we're gonna RIOT in huntsvegas.. like PIGFUCKERS.
right after we go to freddies (I need kickin chicken damnit).

cher- OMG..tapeworms cheating on me??!!! that FUCKING BASTARD!

shy- they should let the dogs run free and cage up the children.

prynce- I mean, for fucks sake, I wasn't even mean to her goddamn kid. I was just like, "hey, this isn't your cart, dude." and the fucking snatch started grunting and snorting.
I wouldn't be mean to the kid unless he was acting like a little shit. he was irritating me, but its not like he was hurting anything. he just needed some guidance and she wasn't trying to provide any.

haha.. if you want to sit around and watch me take bonghits go ahead and bring *whoevers* camera and go to town :p

morris- thank you :)

rich- ahahahahhaha..fuck yeah! I think I may have to give that a go ;)

shannon- ARE YOU STILL HIDING?? I thought you said "fuck it"...
anyway, you can leave comments as "other" so you can type in your name instead of "anonymous".

athene- thanks :) I'll try

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 2:44:00 AM  
Blogger JIN thinks I am a total genius.

OMG Carrie, too funny!

LMAO bawwaahhhhaaaaa

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 3:27:00 AM  
Blogger puremood thinks I am a total genius.

Muahahaha - Thanks for the laugh this AM! That's so damn funny!

My ringers STAYS off... well, I even unplugged it. If they want me, they'll call my cell!

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 4:10:00 AM  
Blogger Shannon thinks I am a total genius.

I dont know what i'm doing i'm retarded. lol Maybe that guy will leave me the fuck alone now. I know not to get my hopes up.

Shannon

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 6:53:00 AM  
Blogger The Prynce thinks I am a total genius.

I feel ya. I hope I'm never a shit parent like that. But I'm also hoping Rian will be a cool and laid-back kid like his dad. B-)

I'm sure there'd be nothing more entertaining than watching you get fucked up and filming it. Not to mention, an accidental second-hand high is a fine thing. lol.
And in this fantasy world were I'd have this 'job' thing, I would have bought a camera of my own, ending the need to borrow them. =D

-=The Prynce

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 2:21:00 PM  
Blogger DIE! DIE! thinks I am a total genius.

You go Carrie! Kids like to piss me the fuck off too! Why do kids like to be dickheads?

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 8:03:00 PM  
Blogger jane thinks I am a total genius.

she looks like a bitch.

ohh and i scrolled down too far & saw the throw up pic you warned me about :( (barf)

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 10:12:00 PM  
Blogger Danielle thinks I am a total genius.

Um... actually, I was one of those kids. My sister and I both were. I wouldn't come directly in contact with other shoppers, but I would find someone on the other side of the aisle and throw balls over and hope that it hit them in the head. My sister would be in the shopping cart and I would take off, let go, and she would go flying into a stack of cereal. God, what else... we would go harass the cookie lady, the bread man, and the milk man. And I would open the cake decoration bottles with the hot reds and sprinkles, eat a hand-full, then put it back on the shelf.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005 8:45:00 AM  
Blogger x0r thinks I am a total genius.

GOD!!! I HATE FAT PEOPLE!!! I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND /HOW/ YOU GET OBESE??!!! I'VE TRIED!!!

Thursday, September 29, 2005 10:28:00 AM  
Blogger Mojotek thinks I am a total genius.

danielle-

Let me just say... you rock!

Friday, September 30, 2005 12:54:00 PM  
Blogger T. Willie thinks I am a total genius.

My son is a dwarf. Most people look, doubletake, whatever. Morons, tho, breed offspring that stare, mouths open, and walk into walls. It's really fucking annoying.

Today I yelled at one of them to stop staring. This after I politely shook my head a bunch of times and quietly asked him not to stare.

Mom got all in my face about how could I traumatize the precious and I got all in her face about how could you let your kid gawk at mine like that and she was all what do you mean? And then she looked down and saw him and said "Oh my god I'm sorry! He's so short, I didn't see him."

And she was genuine. And I was all you're so stupid how can you breathe and walk at the same time? But I didn't say that part because my son was listening;-) Where is natural selection when you really need it?

You are totally linkable. Don't stop:-D

Sunday, October 02, 2005 2:47:00 AM  
Blogger carrie thinks I am a total genius.

jin- hehe...thanks :)

puremood- thank you :) yeah, I've been enjoying the quiet lately. I think you're on to something..

shannon- :P you're like a celebrity; people just can't keep your name out of their mouths.

prynce- ahahahha..I honestly can't imagine you ever talking to someone like that. granted, I don't know you at all :P but it just doesn't seem like you.
cool. in this fantasy, can I have several pounds of purple weed and a 5ft glass bong and a $600,000 house with a theatre inside? and a lot of beer too. for tickles. please.

diana- hahahah..thank you :) I hate kids. theres a reason I don't have any.

jane- I KNOW! I looked long and hard for that one ;)
AWWW..I'M SORRY JANE! I haven't been updating as much lately since school started so it hasn't made its way off the page yet :(

danielle- I can believe you were a dirty little bastard :P I would have chased you down and slaughtered you.

xor444- she mastered it. maybe you could be her understudy :P

mojotek- yes, danielle fucking ROCKS! ...very perceptive :P

cyborg- good for you! I hope ignorance hurts. maybe all that "trauma" taught precious some of the manners his mother failed to instill.
thanks for the link.

Sunday, October 02, 2005 6:46:00 AM  
Blogger KSHIPPYCHIC thinks I am a total genius.

That is the greatest thing I have ever fucking heard!! LMAO! Sooo sounds like something I wish I had the guts to do! HeHe!

Sunday, October 02, 2005 7:03:00 PM  

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