masturbate the alligator
I'm going to dinner with my grandpa tonight so we can talk about the exact same things we talked about over breakfast the last time I saw him. its like watching groundhog day cos we only ever meet up for food and we have the same conversation every single time and he gets super annoyed if I try to switch it up.
last month, I had pancakes and he totally threw me off my cue saying he had bought a $2000 camera he didn't know how to use. and I was like, "I could come by and try to help you figger it out," but he must've gotten irritated at himself for abandoning script and said, "I dont really care to learn."
theres no need for awkward pauses because we can always be amazed at his gas mileage, which happens to be his most fond topic of discussion.
and I really add to the conversation by making random surprised/impressed faces while he talks cos I have no idea what hes saying plus there was like 4 different flavors of syrup so I kinda was a little impressed.
my family is trying to force me into asking for help cos I will let my shit go to collections before I'll ever tell them I need money. that surprises a lot of people cos I'm usually rather outspoken. I guess they don't see the difference between blunt and rude.
tapeworm thinks I'm nuts cos I will jump out of moving vehicles to destroy men who can't park, but I'm kinda shy on the phone. everybody has their limits, y'know.