Sunday, September 18, 2005

masturbate the alligator

I'm going to dinner with my grandpa tonight so we can talk about the exact same things we talked about over breakfast the last time I saw him. its like watching groundhog day cos we only ever meet up for food and we have the same conversation every single time and he gets super annoyed if I try to switch it up.

last month, I had pancakes and he totally threw me off my cue saying he had bought a $2000 camera he didn't know how to use. and I was like, "I could come by and try to help you figger it out," but he must've gotten irritated at himself for abandoning script and said, "I dont really care to learn."

theres no need for awkward pauses because we can always be amazed at his gas mileage, which happens to be his most fond topic of discussion.

and I really add to the conversation by making random surprised/impressed faces while he talks cos I have no idea what hes saying plus there was like 4 different flavors of syrup so I kinda was a little impressed.

my family is trying to force me into asking for help cos I will let my shit go to collections before I'll ever tell them I need money. that surprises a lot of people cos I'm usually rather outspoken. I guess they don't see the difference between blunt and rude.

tapeworm thinks I'm nuts cos I will jump out of moving vehicles to destroy men who can't park, but I'm kinda shy on the phone. everybody has their limits, y'know.

Blogger Danielle thinks I am a total genius.

I wish I still had a grandpa... he was stubborn and senile, but he's the one I got my sense of humor from! He was so funny! I miss him alot...

OH, YEAH! We found his journal of WWII after he died and he listed all the places and times that he bombed Germany. Kick ass! I think...

Sunday, September 18, 2005 7:16:00 PM  
Blogger jane thinks I am a total genius.

lol you are so funny. asking for help from your family isn't rude, it's humbling. if they're sincere & won't throw it up in your face later, i think you should do it too.
you're right, you sound so innocent on the telephone and then i come here & see, "masturbate the alligator"?
hmmm...you never quite got to that part carrie, lol

Monday, September 19, 2005 12:35:00 AM  
Blogger Jorell thinks I am a total genius.

whats up pussy fart ..shit i mean blog fart:D hmmmm to ask for help takes alot of guts..trust me i know! i agree with jane if your fam isnt a bunch of assholes that will pitch it right in your face a few weeks later then do it...BOB SAGET!

p.s. you into some fucked up shit gator jizz...ewwwwwwww

Monday, September 19, 2005 1:04:00 AM  
Blogger Nan thinks I am a total genius.

It's kinda typical - elderly people bitching about things they can't seem to figure how to use - and then when I offer my help - they don't really care to learn it anyway. I guess we all need something to bitch about - so I guess there's things that are allright leaving unsolved.

Monday, September 19, 2005 4:27:00 AM  
Blogger Croaker thinks I am a total genius.

When you get that old why change your ways. I completely understand the reluctance to ask for help, but sometimes you should.

Monday, September 19, 2005 7:31:00 AM  
Blogger A Bronx Tale thinks I am a total genius.

i wish my grandpa was still around. life would be so much different if he was around here.

that's why i love old people. they buy shit, expensive shit without realy knowing how to ever use it. and then they don't care most of the time.

Monday, September 19, 2005 10:12:00 AM  
Blogger athooks thinks I am a total genius.

Have you heard the Cubs do't even have a website!

Wait for it.

They cant even string togehter three w's.

Nice.

Hooks

Monday, September 19, 2005 12:20:00 PM  
Blogger carrie thinks I am a total genius.

danielle- yeah my grandpa talks about fucking shit up in the navy. he says he used to drink the alcohol they used to clean the machine parts. that explained a lot :p

jane- well, I don't have a lot of experience with humble :) it sucks.
I am innocent, jane!!
the post titles don't always pertain to the content of the posts. sometimes I just think its funny so I use it.

jorell- :|
let me tell you about a porcupines balls.
they're small, and they don't give a shit!

nan- yeah, old people suck.

croaker- thats just the thing. he changed his ways because he got old. he wasn't always a closed minded stick in the mud.

calogero- funny, thats the exact reason I can't stand them.

aaron- who the fuck are the cubs?

Monday, September 19, 2005 8:05:00 PM  
Blogger police and thieves thinks I am a total genius.

go outside and ride your bike
that's what i did
i killed my toe

gramma take m home

Thursday, October 06, 2005 7:58:00 AM  

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