Wednesday, September 21, 2005

why no one cares if my aunt is dead

for diana

my uncle is paraplegic and when my aunt became pregnant I thought it was some sort of miracle. no one told me for several years that she'd had an affair with the homeless junkie who crashed my uncles car into a bus just last week.

my aunt is bipolar and she goes off her meds all the time and really loses it. before she got pregnant, she was an alcoholic (as my uncle still is) and the pregnancy completely changed her life. she stopped drinking immediately and thats when her illness became prevalent and she was diagnosed and put on medication for bipolar disorder.

her mother, brother and grandmother are all bipolar as well, though my aunt is the only one obtaining treatment. her mother was not well and had major substance abuse issues throughout the majority of my aunts childhood. she was raised primarily by her brother who introduced her to pot at 8 years old. she dropped out of school just a few years later and proceeded to live up to the family legacy.

after the birth of her child, sobriety became increasingly difficult as my uncle continued to drink heavily. their daughter was born autistic but was not identified as such until nearly 3 years of age. up to that time, my aunt had been ridiculed for her parenting inability by much of my family because her toddler was unable to listen or speak to anyone like a normal child would.

she was of course upset by this and it caused problems between she and my uncle. both of them drinking again, and now fighting all the time. she went off the meds and built shrines all over the backyard to worship the moon or some shit.

she had to go to the hospital and stay for a couple of weeks and while she was in there she filed charges against several members of my family for sexual abuse of her daughter. she said her daughter told her about it. the charges were dropped when a social worker went to the school to interview the child and she, being autistic, couldn't even form words let alone sentences.

that incident has yet to be forgiven by most of my family. she and my uncle remained married though the relationship was severely strained. she went off her meds something like 3 times over the next year, each time becoming increasingly more violent toward him and police became involved on several occasions, including the last time anyone heard from her which was something around 4 months ago when she hit him in the head with a skateboard and pushed him out of his wheelchair in the backyard.

tapeworm and I speculate she never made it out of said backyard.

Blogger Jorell thinks I am a total genius.

poor guy got bitch slaped with a board! maybe she ran off with the cracked out homeless guy to warship the moon..NAKED wearing face paint...ewwwwwwwwwww

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 5:29:00 PM  
Blogger carrie thinks I am a total genius.

nope, that guy lives with my uncle now.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 5:30:00 PM  
Blogger Jorell thinks I am a total genius.

now thats a family!

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 5:33:00 PM  
Blogger Rich Rosenthal II thinks I am a total genius.

I can see how a person woh is just barely holding it together might break upon learning one's child is autistic.

As a bartender I hated when bipolar folks would self medicate with booze because it didn't work as medication, it just kind of accentuated the crazy and made it impossible to have any idea of how they would react in any situation.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 6:55:00 PM  
Blogger Croaker thinks I am a total genius.

One day carrie your going to write a post about a normal happy well- adjusted person and I am going to fall out of my chair.

Wednesday, September 21, 2005 9:24:00 PM  
Blogger The Prynce thinks I am a total genius.

That's pretty depressing.

Bipolar disorder is horrible. And the fact that it appears to be hereditary in some cases terrifies me. I don't want my son to feel any of the things I felt through my life.

Of all of the medications I've tried for my bipolar disorder, the legal ones helped least. They made my episodes where I flew off the handle fewer, but more intense. Marijauna helped me A LOT, I have to say... More than any legal medication I've ever had. And I wouldn't even smoke a lot! A dime would last me like two weeks! But then I had to find a legal way to get help after I got some laced with PCP.

I try to stay away from alcohol. I love it and I drink it on occassion, but I rarely get drunk. That's probably more a matter of money, though. It takes me too much to get drunk. It sucks being 6'4" in a 5'7" world.

But my heart goes out to you and your family. We bipolars tend to get in that sort of 'poinsonous' relationships that only make things exponentially worse.
And I have OCD on to of my being bipolar. I have no sense of normalcy in my own head and that's with medication.

Mental disorders suck.

Pardon any possible misspellings. I'm heading to bed as I type.

-=The Prynce

Thursday, September 22, 2005 1:31:00 AM  
Blogger kevin thinks I am a total genius.

you are SOOOOO cute.

don't read my blog:

Thursday, September 22, 2005 2:11:00 AM  
Blogger A Bronx Tale thinks I am a total genius.

that's crazy. wow....

Thursday, September 22, 2005 7:20:00 AM  
Blogger Christie thinks I am a total genius.


Thursday, September 22, 2005 9:29:00 AM  
Blogger Shannon thinks I am a total genius.

OMG thats really sad. I"m so sorry for her. :-(

Thursday, September 22, 2005 11:44:00 AM  
Anonymous fruey thinks I am a total genius.

There's something very poetic about the way you write these confessionals. I think it probably helps you to get this shit out there.

Families are fucked, wherever you come from. I can remember some pretty wierd shit from my childhood. Drunken Aunts and Uncles rings a lot of bells in my head.

Thursday, September 22, 2005 12:40:00 PM  
Blogger tracey-leigh thinks I am a total genius.

We all think we're alone in the fact we have messed up or ill family members. Then you get talking and everyone has a story to tell.

Thursday, September 22, 2005 2:26:00 PM  
Blogger Shy thinks I am a total genius.

It is difficult not to become detached to people when they act like that. The entire relationship is complex—I always feel like I’m eggshells around my mother. Then again, it’s hard not to love them because we know that they aren’t themselves.

Thursday, September 22, 2005 3:14:00 PM  
Blogger jane thinks I am a total genius.

So, you aren't joking when you said she might be dead. She might REALLY be dead!
I feel for your aunt, I have a good support system & still have a difficult time with life. Her support system is nil. She's got you though & you obviously care about her; I hope she knows that.
4 months is a long time to be gone w/o any contact. I hope you hear from her soon.

Thursday, September 22, 2005 4:22:00 PM  
Blogger Danielle thinks I am a total genius.

At least your not really related to these people, right? I mean, you always have to look in the bright side of things. I have a tumor in my vagina.

Thursday, September 22, 2005 5:15:00 PM  
Blogger the_strategy_freak thinks I am a total genius.


are you bipolar?

Friday, September 23, 2005 5:29:00 AM  
Blogger carrie thinks I am a total genius.

jorell- yeah, dude. he really knows how to pick em.

rich- yeah, caring for an autistic child is enough to make a sane person batty. combined with the stress of being bipolar, I think it was probably quite a challenge for her.
she is much worse when she drinks. if I were a bartender I'd call the cops when I saw her coming.. :|

croaker- hah. not likely- I'm the happiest, most well-adjusted person I know.
normal people are boring and I try not to associate myself with any :p

prynce- eh. its what you make of it (their situation; not her disorder).

I tend to "make lemonade" if you know what I mean and strange as it may sound to say it, I was relieved that she got out whether alive or dead (of course, hopefully alive) because they were toxic for each other and I know how miserable she was. and him as well. it really couldn't have been much worse, so any change is good change, in my opinion.

kevin- thank you :) I'm flattered that you assume I can read

calogero- well thats kinda what bipolar means :p

miei- whoa

shannon- well no ones life is perfect right? sometimes far from it but shes actually pretty cool when shes on her meds and not drinking.

fruey- thank you :) I don't think of this as "confessional" as I dont really see myself as being the subject of the story.
I thought these people were interesting, so I figgered you guys might too.
I can talk about other people and generalize about the past, but it has a different effect on me to tell my own stories :p
it may happen..

tracey-leigh- everyone is fucked up somehow. everyone.

shy- haha..I know very few people I don't have to step lightly around. I'm a magnet for crazies..I think they can tell I'm one of them :|

jane- yeah, I think she really might be. the only thing that I find hard to accept if she is still alive is that she hasn't tried to see her daughter at all. which is why I think she may be dead, because her daughter meant everything to her. its absurd to me, even if she is off the meds and out of character.

danielle- WHAT TUMOR??!'re making that up, right? :-SS
duuuuude...thats what I used to say everytime I got mad at a cousin/parent/aunt/uncle/grandparent whatever.."THANK GOD I WAS ADOPTED! I'm not related to ANY of you FREAKS!" it really is quite the consolation :p
I'll never meet any of my biological family cos I don't want to ruin the fantasy of my "superior roots".

strategy freak- are you retarded?

Friday, September 23, 2005 6:59:00 AM  
Blogger cher thinks I am a total genius.

that is one of the craziest stories I've ever heard.
you can't choose your family that's for sure. i wish i could write about my in-laws, but they all read my blog and none of them can handle the truth about how truly fucked they are. and why make life dificult for me and give them all more drama to feed off of? i wish i'd never given them my link.

Sunday, September 25, 2005 10:38:00 AM  
Blogger carrie thinks I am a total genius.

cher- just change your url...
you'll be sooo glad you did.

I may have a cousin reading my blog (which means MY WHOLE FAMILY :P)
but whatever. I'm sure they'd expect no less of me. I don't lead a double life; I'm this much fun in person.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 1:20:00 AM  
Blogger DIE! DIE! thinks I am a total genius.

I once thought I had a tumor in my vagina, I just forgot to pull the vibrator out.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005 8:06:00 PM  

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