for a limited time only...

naked pictures of carrie

its amazing I don't get raped more often

our phone number is changing on the 1st and I was gonna post the number here until it got shut off but then I got paranoid that someone could be all nerdy and find my address and everything from it so I tried to do it and omg it works. I'm totally gonna go all stalker now. if I ever find any random mystery phone numbers I will scout out their owners and IDENTIFY THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! plus you might want to think twice about posting your whole name on your blog cos I even looked up some of YOU. yes. its true. luckily for you all I'm one of the good guys. I don't have any plans to kidnap, rape, kill or throw any of your bodies in a dumpster.
but y'know if it happens, it happens.

around 7pm I was late to meet up with tapeworm and he had already left so I was walking around downtown looking for a phone and saw a guy glance up at me as he was getting into his car and I paused to ask him if he knew where I could find one and he said, "actually, yeah, I'm headed up that way. can I take you?" unlocked the door and cleared the seat. I didn't hesitate to accept the invitation. after all, I had approached him. I got in the car and as promised, he drove up the hill and about 4 blocks south before pulling upside a payphone in front of a large office building. I thanked him and got out of the car, shutting the door behind me and proceeded to make my call. when I finished he was still there and didn't appear to be doing anything but waiting for me so I waved and went on my way. as I reached the curb I saw him turn his car around and he drove back toward the way we came. I walked in the same direction along side the endless string of parked cars lining the street until I came upon one with a man sitting inside smiling at me. waving with one hand and masturbating with the other. the same man I had just ridden with a few blocks back.

I have a feeling my grades are about to tank

I loved (the idea of) battle of the blogs but it was pretty much a disaster from go. the same 5 housewives sat in there all day fixing battles and voting for people based on how much they paid for their webdiva template. and while they do look nice, a pretty picture does not a blogger make.
and it got old. damn old.

no one was really having fun anymore and people were actually getting kicked out for reporting cheating and complaining about it.

I honestly couldn't care less about empty blog traffic, but I liked playing the games damnit. all of the other blog traffic services are carbon copies of each other that don't offer anything but surfing and can't even manage to distribute traffic; the ONLY thing they claim to do. 500 credits shouldn't last a month. and theres just no way in hell I'm going to sit here and click to watch the same 10 blogs rotate.

...but I will cage fight :D

theres finally a place for those of us who liked to pit ourselves against each other without turning everything into a popularity contest.. no more people IM'ing me to vote for them (!!) no more mommy blog domination. and (hopefully) no more WHINING. oh, and get exposure for your blog too :p

plus you can transfer credits to other people, rate blogs on varb, upload your pics to create custom puzzles and put together puzzles made by other bloggers. theres actually a ton of shit to do at blogmad. its quality surfing and has made quite the bump in my visitors as well. I'm way impressed. I spent at least 3 hours there today for their trial launch and still didn't see everything!
(..or get any homework done)

its currently 'invite only' but all you gotta do is ask for one. and if you had signed up back in the day when they first started taking members, you're already in.

also I found a whole community dedicated to hating rachael ray.

thats actually not part of blogmad.
but it should be.

I never realized how important boobs are for women until I saw one who didn't have any.

I hope the effing olympics are about over. oprah at 3 isnt really working out.

who gives a fuck what you think?

heh.. me

you don't have to be a long-time reader to participate, so long as you have gotten a general impression of me through my blog or comments I've made.

I would appreciate your honest opinion rather than your attempts at humor, but I'll take what feedback I can get and promise not to track you down and kill you for disagreeing with me.


click on the links below and choose 5 or 6 words you think best describe me. good AND bad :D

johari window         nohari window

This tool allows me to see which qualities others perceive in me, and which ones are merely my own imagination. This is a tool for self-improvement.



interpreting the window:

Terms selected by both the participant and their peers are placed into the Arena quadrant, representing the fact that everyone involved knows these particular pieces of information about the participant individual; they have been openly communicated.

Terms selected only by the participant, but not by any of their peers, are placed into the Façade quadrant, representing information about the participant of which their peers are unaware. The choice is then up to the participant whether or not to self-disclose this set of information.

Terms that are not selected by the participant but only by their peers are placed into the Blind Spot quadrant. These represent information of which the participant is not aware, but others are, and they can decide whether and how to inform the individual about these "blind spots".

Terms which were not selected by either the participant or their peers remain in the Unknown quadrant, representing the participant's behaviors or motives which were not recognized by anyone participating. This may be because they do not apply, or because there is collective ignorance of the existence of that trait.

I nicked this from omnamaste.

thats a 'whites only' pie

my mom called yesterday for the first time since christmas. it was good to hear from her in the obligatory sense but exhausting otherwise. I had the number changed this morning.

my school is having a racist bake sale where they're gonna charge people based on their earning potential. that means white men get taxed and cripples pretty much eat for free. I'm totally gonna go cos I'm a woman. thats something of a handicap.

(click image to view full-size flyer)

I have rum and 4 jugs of pineapple juice. plus I can pause live television now. my quality of life is beginning to surpass even my own expectations :D

ugh. the internet bores me

fuck you guys. I'm watching television.

Amo il collo del tacchino

Antonio: 02/12/2006 3:53 AM

E da molto che ho scritto questa poesia dedicata a Sofia, ma non ho avuto mai l’occasione di raccontargliela di persona, per cui la colgo adesso, tramite voi se mi fareste questo favore. So che è molto difficile ma sapendo che e stato il suo compleanno ne approfitterei a fargli gli auguri, se ritenete che questa mia poesia sia bella, potreste fargliela avere, al solo scopo che possa capire che veramente c’è gente semplice che gli vuole bene e l’ammira, come attrice e come persona .Veramente mesi fa sono stato alla trasmissione di Maurizio Costanzo Show, come spettatore ma ho avuto vergogna ha consegnare la mia poesia al signor Maurizio, anche perché beccai una serata, che si parlava della morte di pantani .Ma forse sarebbe più bello per me se oggi ricevesse questa poesia .Ora ve la racconto .Ha scusate io mi chiamo Antonio Cirillo e sono di Acropoli in provincia di Salerno, in via Emanuele Di Sergio.

DEDICATA A SOFIA LOREN

Tu sei bella, bella, bella.
Tu sei bella come una stella.
Sei nel cielo la più splendente,
sei la più bella del firmamento.
Non credevo nell’amore
ed ora sono innamorato,
se ti guardo, nei miei occhi,
c’è una luce che si accende.
Il mio corpo vibra forte
come una foglia al vento,
le mie mani che vorrebbero
accarezzare la tua pelle,
perché sei bella, bella, bella.
ma lontana a l’orizzonte.
Non ti posso stringere al cuor
Perché tu sei troppo grande
Sei un vulcano in esplosione
Una nube incandescente che
Brucia tutto quando scende
Tu per me sei come il sole,
come tutti i suoi tramonti
ci regala i suoi colori
infuocati dal calore.
Perché sei bella, bella, bella
Tu sei bella e sei una stella
Sei una statua tutta D’ORO
Con due occhi da brillanti
Tu per me sei il più bel
Fiore che la natura ci ha regalato.
Grazie Sofia di esser nata.

"this is abusery!"

this morning I had the most infuriating dream where my dad was trying to control everything like usual and he had contracted some people to enforce his decree and they tried to impose a weed limit on me and I had to draw the line at that. but of course he was too caught up in his dictatorship to listen to reason and so I had no choice but to lay down the beatings. I was super pissed cos I threw all my rage into every swing but none of my fucking punches would connect. I woke up feeling all unsatisfied and with no other recourse than to take my aggressions out upon the toilet.

I ate paint chips when I was little

people I dont know came over last night and the first thing they did was totally stress me out. somehow this girl thought it was gonna be cool for her to just start taking my animals out of their cages and when I told her not to she was like "oh, no its okay; I work at petco."

tapeworm told me that road turtles were there so that blind people could drive. he said there was an abundance of turtles and they used to glue real ones to the street until the animal rights activists intervened.
and I totally believed it.

I found a baby turtle when I was 6 and named him I Love You Turtle and brought him home with me to live but he died a few months later and my dad helped me bury him in a jewelry box in the backyard next to the garage but I missed him so I dug him up every day to give him a little kiss on his head. then one time I pushed in his eyeballs.

mugu guyman keep offfffffffffffffff ooooooooooooo

saturday I tried to climb in the back of the car and fell out on my ass in the middle of the student parking lot. I have no idea how that happened but like 6 fucking carloads of people stopped to laugh at me.

tapeworm and I broke up 4 times last week.
once over a movie and twice over food.
I cant remember what the other reason was so maybe it was just 3.

I've been nominated for the national deans list. apparently I'm ranked in the top half of 1% of the nations college students.

if thats true, we should all be very afraid.


I havent opened my textbooks once yet and I'm about 5 weeks into the quarter. I can only do like one thing well at a time and right now thats watch tv.

let them eat carrie

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Carrie!

1. The first carrie was made in 1853, and had no pedals!
2. Marie Antoinette never said 'let them eat cake' - this is a mistranslation of 'let them eat carrie'.
3. If carrie was life size, she would stand 7 ft 2 inches tall and have a neck twice the size of a human.
4. To check whether carrie is safe to eat, drop her in a bowl of water; rotten carrie will sink, and fresh carrie will float!
5. There are six towns named carrie in the United States.
6. Carrie is 1500 years older than the pyramids.
7. Some people in Malaysia bathe their babies in beer to protect them from carrie!
8. On average, women blink nearly twice as much as carrie.
9. Half a cup of carrie contains only seventeen calories.
10. Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of carrie in a day.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

ask carrie

Hi Carrie,

I find your non-convention life to be very interesting! I really admire your determination to live life as you see fit, and not cave into the will of others.

Last year my boyfriend and I decided to embark on a "trial separation". We originally planned to do this for only 2 months, however the months kept going by, and it now has become a year. I think neither of us had the courage to make a final decision.

We have remained friends all this time, however we do not live together anymore, and I know I am no longer aware of everything that goes on in his life. I believed we had an unspoken rule about not dating anyone else. And I've kept that promise; recently I've come to suspect he is seeing someone. While I know I don't own him anymore, I do feel hurt as if this new relationship of his is cheating on me. I really want to get married and have children, and I feel that he would be the perfect father. I am not sure how to approach him and let him know that I still am madly in love with him. I want to confront his new girlfriend and explain to her what she is trying to wreck, but I'm afraid it will drive him away from me forever when he finds out. I'm really at a loss on what to do!

Ash





thats because people like you never want to accept that the answer doesn't necessarily involve getting what you want.
Ima put it to you blunt Ash, cos I know you thats why you came to me in the first place.

a year is a long ass time and I think you're kidding yourself if you think he is sitting around playing convent with you.
Im assuming that this separation is something he initiated because
a) you're presenting it as if it were a mutual thing and well, it just never is,
b) I think you'd feel less reluctant to "make a final decision" if you'd actually been a part of the original decision, and
c) you conveniently left out the part about how long you'd been together. which leads me to believe it was probably less than a year and you just didn't want to mention that because it takes credence away from all that fluff you've been filling your head with.

normally this is where I'd have to preface my next statement with all that "I don't really know you guys" jazz, but in this case I feel like you've actually projected a fairly accurate portrayal;
your EX boyfriend is a pussy.
there is one line of your email that stands out to me:

"..neither of us had the courage to make a final decision."

this line alone proves that you are simply in denial. this was your own speculation! you had the answer all along but instead of facing it head on you choose to further delude yourself. that line should have read:

"HE didn't have the courage to PRESENT a final decision."

as obviously, from your account, he has made one. as far as you trying to involve yourself in his new relationship, leave it alone.
you can only change a relationship you're party to. any interference from you will only work to your detriment.

don't let your biological clock cloud your logic; any man who needs a 2 month break from you before theres even any kids in the mix is not cut out for fatherhood. in essence, he did you a favor by making that clear before it was too late.

vivacious ass

tonight the korean burger lady said she thinks of me as more than just a customer. shes pretty much still just gonna be the burger lady to me. it was cute tho.

I almost spent $80 on a new case because I had a dirty fan. tapeworm thought cleaning it might be a more novel approach so we spent $6 on compressed air instead. I played with video ipods whilst waiting for tapeworm to check out and some haggard fossil came up and put his fucking hand on my ass. DUDE. and when I turned around and SAW HIM I almost cried.

I went to bed early cos tapeworm was acting all bitchy and emo last night and when I woke up I was still totally pissed so I just decided to go with it and that meant I had to take the bus to school which was basically like punishing myself because downtown smells like pee and there is no way to avoid waiting half an hour for the bus to show up and it was like 20 degrees outside.


he really needs to not piss me off when I've got shit to do damnit.

I hope god wasn't looking...

the bastard asked for 5 random facts about me.
apparently I interpreted "random" as "twisted".

update: and because fruey of let's have it did not find my mullet to be very rock n roll, he's requested a BONUS RANDOM ROCK N ROLL FACT.

update 2: I changed my mind and I've relieved one lucky blogger of their meming obligations and I'm challenging semi-anonymous commentor jx to pick up the slack (you dont have to link your blog but it'd be cool if you played along in the comments).


1. I got in the backseat of tapeworms car so my best friend could give him a blowjob.


2. I didn't eat rice for like 10 years because I ate some chinese food in my room one time and I put the half eaten plate under my bed and forgot about it for a few weeks and when I found it again all the rice was crawling around on the plate. and I made my mom clean it up.


3. when I was 8 I had a mullet and wore shoes without socks or laces and hypercolor tshirts and fluorescent pink spandex pants like everyday. ugh. I was such an anomaly.


4. I gave my phone number out twice using irc in the school library for the first time. the first caller I could tell was a bit older than myself and polite but whacked off in my ear nonetheless. he called again the next day and after that I told him it was probably best that he not make a habit of it and he agreed to move on.
the second guy was not so easily persuaded. his voice was super nasally and he called several times a day and all he ever wanted to do was talk about my feet and so I'd be like dude, dont call me anymore but he was like "I can tell you have really nice feet and I need to talk to you carrie. please. I love you." and I'd hang up and panic cos I lived with my parents and they woulda killed me if they answered the phone to some creeped out old dude trying to talk to their 14 year old daughter.
I had my friend taya over after school one day and she answered the phone and I knew right away who she was talking to by the sudden change in her voice. I told her to hand me the phone but she ignored me and continued talking. a few seconds later she yelled "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU NEED TO KNOW THAT FOR?!" and I was like oh shit and she said "NO FUCK YOU. CARRIE DOESN'T WEAR PANTIES. WE WEAR UNDERWEAR GODDAMNIT. I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU"
he didn't call anymore after that.


5. me and my friend faye made 2 boys jerk off for meth.


6. tapeworm took me to the paramount to see slayer and I ran into his exgirlfriend having a cigarette in the lobby. she had a ground level wristband and when she found out I was there with him she got all excited about wanting to see him so I let her trade me her wristband :D for my ticket so they could do some catching up and I could try to wedge myself up next to the stage. it totally fucking rocked. some creepy looking guy standing behind me was tying off and I got scared that someone might push him and he'd miss and stab me in the back with his HIV needle so I pushed forward and spent the remainder of the show just far back enough to avoid serious injury. when the show was over I met up with a less than impressed tickles tapeworm outside the front doors. I think he actually smoked a bowl in front of me. like without passing.
in fact, reading this is probably going to piss him off all over again :)


and I'm tagging...
tapeworm, jorell, jx, jennifer
and the FRESHLY IMPREGNATED danielle

thats right!! danielle's knocked up! get over there and send your condolences

gag on my cock ass sex

tapeworm drank like half a bottle of sauza last night and started accusing me of stealing things. even tho we live together. I threatened to push him off the balcony and right after that I heard the neighbors downstairs on their balcony go shhhhhhhhh and I pretty much spent the rest of the morning waiting for the cops to knock on the door.

I woke up around 3p in the middle of a dream that some people I didn't know were driving me to the house my sister killed herself in and I think I was trying to cry but I just ended up waking myself up cos I was breathing extra loud and making weird throat noises.

I've been thinking I want to cut my own hair even tho I know I'll do a shitty job and probably seriously fuck it up but I dont like to make reservations because I dont want to have to deal with the anxiety of trying to be somewhere at a specific time.