tapwopoerm sotle my wine. I hav enothing. I turne do nmy phone today but britt comae ofver anad hes haingingin our my front door and yealing into the hallway a t 3:34am
becuase he si corpuante Ionly got a pepsli but there s 151 . you wil l nowt mak e amokcrey of me. I am carerie3 camnit.
Friday, September 30, 2005
Thursday, September 29, 2005
I love pussy
I didn't watch sopranos for the first 3 years it was on cos I thought it was about singing. plus I'm biased against the entire state of new jersey and any other place that puts the word "new" in their name. I don't like knock offs.
when I was 5 me and my best friend jake used to fight about whether the BOY from the neverending story was a boy or a girl. everybody knows girls can't be warriors.
I think he just didn't want to admit he was getting a stiffy from looking at a dude.
when I was 5 me and my best friend jake used to fight about whether the BOY from the neverending story was a boy or a girl. everybody knows girls can't be warriors.
I think he just didn't want to admit he was getting a stiffy from looking at a dude.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Boutros Boutros Boutros-Ghali
I have to wear clothes now like 4 days a week. school is a fucking pit of time suckage where I have to read things that aren't on the internet and that sucks.
tapeworm and I were driving up the freeway entrance ramp thing and the dude in front of us just stopped right in the middle of the shit and we were like hmmm... and kept driving up to pass him and dude started waving his hands all frantically and I had my window down and he screamed into the car "you've got a headlight out!"
no shit. like I'm supposed to just abandon my car and go try to fix it at 10:30p??
fucking moron. he followed us for like 3 miles on the freeway trying to wave and damn near crashed his shit into the wall.
tapeworm and I were driving up the freeway entrance ramp thing and the dude in front of us just stopped right in the middle of the shit and we were like hmmm... and kept driving up to pass him and dude started waving his hands all frantically and I had my window down and he screamed into the car "you've got a headlight out!"
no shit. like I'm supposed to just abandon my car and go try to fix it at 10:30p??
fucking moron. he followed us for like 3 miles on the freeway trying to wave and damn near crashed his shit into the wall.
Sunday, September 25, 2005
"I'm the one smoking marijuana, motherfucker"
my excedrin kinda smells like vinegar.
I totally made a white trash ass spectacle of myself at the fair. but I got some funnel cake, so yeah.
I turned the ringer on my phone off like 2 weeks ago and forgot about it. apparently that was enough time to make all 9000 people who left voicemails completely forget anything worthwhile they might have had to say when they called cos all I've heard since I turned it back on is "where the hell have you been?". I'm thinking maybe I should just turn the fucker back off.
hehehh..tapeworm and I were at thriftway and some kid kept putting shit in my cart and I was like, "hey yer carts over there, dude" and some behemoth on a fucking cell phone was glaring at us and I was like "is that your kid?" and she looked at me all cockeyed and said, "don't worry about it."
I was like, what? OH FUCK NO.. but I said, "I wouldn't have to worry about it if you were watching your kid instead of sitting your fat ass on the phone all fucking day."
I picked up a bunch of baked beans off the shelf and threw em in her cart and said "there. hows that?"
tapeworm was about to wet himself.
she grabbed her kid up by the arm and pushed her cart out of the aisle. beans and all.
we were fucking hysterical. those beans weren't even on sale.
I totally made a white trash ass spectacle of myself at the fair. but I got some funnel cake, so yeah.
I turned the ringer on my phone off like 2 weeks ago and forgot about it. apparently that was enough time to make all 9000 people who left voicemails completely forget anything worthwhile they might have had to say when they called cos all I've heard since I turned it back on is "where the hell have you been?". I'm thinking maybe I should just turn the fucker back off.
hehehh..tapeworm and I were at thriftway and some kid kept putting shit in my cart and I was like, "hey yer carts over there, dude" and some behemoth on a fucking cell phone was glaring at us and I was like "is that your kid?" and she looked at me all cockeyed and said, "don't worry about it."
I was like, what? OH FUCK NO.. but I said, "I wouldn't have to worry about it if you were watching your kid instead of sitting your fat ass on the phone all fucking day."
I picked up a bunch of baked beans off the shelf and threw em in her cart and said "there. hows that?"tapeworm was about to wet himself.
she grabbed her kid up by the arm and pushed her cart out of the aisle. beans and all.
we were fucking hysterical. those beans weren't even on sale.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
why no one cares if my aunt is dead
for diana
my uncle is paraplegic and when my aunt became pregnant I thought it was some sort of miracle. no one told me for several years that she'd had an affair with the homeless junkie who crashed my uncles car into a bus just last week.
my aunt is bipolar and she goes off her meds all the time and really loses it. before she got pregnant, she was an alcoholic (as my uncle still is) and the pregnancy completely changed her life. she stopped drinking immediately and thats when her illness became prevalent and she was diagnosed and put on medication for bipolar disorder.
her mother, brother and grandmother are all bipolar as well, though my aunt is the only one obtaining treatment. her mother was not well and had major substance abuse issues throughout the majority of my aunts childhood. she was raised primarily by her brother who introduced her to pot at 8 years old. she dropped out of school just a few years later and proceeded to live up to the family legacy.
after the birth of her child, sobriety became increasingly difficult as my uncle continued to drink heavily. their daughter was born autistic but was not identified as such until nearly 3 years of age. up to that time, my aunt had been ridiculed for her parenting inability by much of my family because her toddler was unable to listen or speak to anyone like a normal child would.
she was of course upset by this and it caused problems between she and my uncle. both of them drinking again, and now fighting all the time. she went off the meds and built shrines all over the backyard to worship the moon or some shit.
she had to go to the hospital and stay for a couple of weeks and while she was in there she filed charges against several members of my family for sexual abuse of her daughter. she said her daughter told her about it. the charges were dropped when a social worker went to the school to interview the child and she, being autistic, couldn't even form words let alone sentences.
that incident has yet to be forgiven by most of my family. she and my uncle remained married though the relationship was severely strained. she went off her meds something like 3 times over the next year, each time becoming increasingly more violent toward him and police became involved on several occasions, including the last time anyone heard from her which was something around 4 months ago when she hit him in the head with a skateboard and pushed him out of his wheelchair in the backyard.
tapeworm and I speculate she never made it out of said backyard.
my uncle is paraplegic and when my aunt became pregnant I thought it was some sort of miracle. no one told me for several years that she'd had an affair with the homeless junkie who crashed my uncles car into a bus just last week.
my aunt is bipolar and she goes off her meds all the time and really loses it. before she got pregnant, she was an alcoholic (as my uncle still is) and the pregnancy completely changed her life. she stopped drinking immediately and thats when her illness became prevalent and she was diagnosed and put on medication for bipolar disorder.
her mother, brother and grandmother are all bipolar as well, though my aunt is the only one obtaining treatment. her mother was not well and had major substance abuse issues throughout the majority of my aunts childhood. she was raised primarily by her brother who introduced her to pot at 8 years old. she dropped out of school just a few years later and proceeded to live up to the family legacy.
after the birth of her child, sobriety became increasingly difficult as my uncle continued to drink heavily. their daughter was born autistic but was not identified as such until nearly 3 years of age. up to that time, my aunt had been ridiculed for her parenting inability by much of my family because her toddler was unable to listen or speak to anyone like a normal child would.
she was of course upset by this and it caused problems between she and my uncle. both of them drinking again, and now fighting all the time. she went off the meds and built shrines all over the backyard to worship the moon or some shit.
she had to go to the hospital and stay for a couple of weeks and while she was in there she filed charges against several members of my family for sexual abuse of her daughter. she said her daughter told her about it. the charges were dropped when a social worker went to the school to interview the child and she, being autistic, couldn't even form words let alone sentences.
that incident has yet to be forgiven by most of my family. she and my uncle remained married though the relationship was severely strained. she went off her meds something like 3 times over the next year, each time becoming increasingly more violent toward him and police became involved on several occasions, including the last time anyone heard from her which was something around 4 months ago when she hit him in the head with a skateboard and pushed him out of his wheelchair in the backyard.
tapeworm and I speculate she never made it out of said backyard.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
chicken titties
dont listen to anything tapeworm has to say. hes bleeding from his vagina right now and he doesn't think chickens can fly. 
hes a nag and I will wear shoes when I feel like putting on shoes okay? fuck.
I kinda had a little tantrum earlier but then I took a nap and had this fucked up dream where I was still living at my parents house and I was definitely going to jail for stealing the neighbors tv and making out with a highschool kid I don't even like.
I feel so dirty.
hes a nag and I will wear shoes when I feel like putting on shoes okay? fuck.
I kinda had a little tantrum earlier but then I took a nap and had this fucked up dream where I was still living at my parents house and I was definitely going to jail for stealing the neighbors tv and making out with a highschool kid I don't even like.
I feel so dirty.
Monday, September 19, 2005
my mammal sauce is the best mammal sauce
my uncle loaned his car to a homeless junkie who ended up crashing it into a bus. and now they live together.
I think my aunt is dead. no one has seen or heard from her in over 4 months and no one seems concerned with that but me.
taya and I went to a party at this dude eugenes house that we had art class with in highschool and eugene was like "taya, can I ask why you're not wearing any pants?" but she was wearing pants tho.
I was supposed to go to their house for new years eve and meet some guy called righteous john who was like his dad and his mom and sister who he said don't like white people but I got the flu and cancelled on him and he wont talk to me anymore cos he thinks I made that up to get out of it.
instead I laid around on my couch all sickly until some scumbag friend of my dads came over with his ratty ass throw away kids and the second I got up to use the bathroom they took over my couch and I came out all "what the fuck" when they didn't get up and they straight up ignored me, yo.
I had to sit on the fucking arm of my own goddamn couch with the flu and listen to his 8 year old daughter compulsively clear her throat for 6 hours.
ehmhrm. ahehm. erhrmh. hehrm. aherhm. hrehghermh. eherhm.
I think my aunt is dead. no one has seen or heard from her in over 4 months and no one seems concerned with that but me.
taya and I went to a party at this dude eugenes house that we had art class with in highschool and eugene was like "taya, can I ask why you're not wearing any pants?" but she was wearing pants tho.
I was supposed to go to their house for new years eve and meet some guy called righteous john who was like his dad and his mom and sister who he said don't like white people but I got the flu and cancelled on him and he wont talk to me anymore cos he thinks I made that up to get out of it.
instead I laid around on my couch all sickly until some scumbag friend of my dads came over with his ratty ass throw away kids and the second I got up to use the bathroom they took over my couch and I came out all "what the fuck" when they didn't get up and they straight up ignored me, yo.
I had to sit on the fucking arm of my own goddamn couch with the flu and listen to his 8 year old daughter compulsively clear her throat for 6 hours.
ehmhrm. ahehm. erhrmh. hehrm. aherhm. hrehghermh. eherhm.
Sunday, September 18, 2005
masturbate the alligator
I'm going to dinner with my grandpa tonight so we can talk about the exact same things we talked about over breakfast the last time I saw him. its like watching groundhog day cos we only ever meet up for food and we have the same conversation every single time and he gets super annoyed if I try to switch it up.
last month, I had pancakes and he totally threw me off my cue saying he had bought a $2000 camera he didn't know how to use. and I was like, "I could come by and try to help you figger it out," but he must've gotten irritated at himself for abandoning script and said, "I dont really care to learn."
theres no need for awkward pauses because we can always be amazed at his gas mileage, which happens to be his most fond topic of discussion.
and I really add to the conversation by making random surprised/impressed faces while he talks cos I have no idea what hes saying plus there was like 4 different flavors of syrup so I kinda was a little impressed.
my family is trying to force me into asking for help cos I will let my shit go to collections before I'll ever tell them I need money. that surprises a lot of people cos I'm usually rather outspoken. I guess they don't see the difference between blunt and rude.
tapeworm thinks I'm nuts cos I will jump out of moving vehicles to destroy men who can't park, but I'm kinda shy on the phone. everybody has their limits, y'know.
last month, I had pancakes and he totally threw me off my cue saying he had bought a $2000 camera he didn't know how to use. and I was like, "I could come by and try to help you figger it out," but he must've gotten irritated at himself for abandoning script and said, "I dont really care to learn."
theres no need for awkward pauses because we can always be amazed at his gas mileage, which happens to be his most fond topic of discussion. and I really add to the conversation by making random surprised/impressed faces while he talks cos I have no idea what hes saying plus there was like 4 different flavors of syrup so I kinda was a little impressed.
my family is trying to force me into asking for help cos I will let my shit go to collections before I'll ever tell them I need money. that surprises a lot of people cos I'm usually rather outspoken. I guess they don't see the difference between blunt and rude.
tapeworm thinks I'm nuts cos I will jump out of moving vehicles to destroy men who can't park, but I'm kinda shy on the phone. everybody has their limits, y'know.
Friday, September 16, 2005
nothings hotter than...
poor tapeworm drove for 2 hours with me puking up garlic into a plastic bag. then the car started to overheat downtown and he had to turn the vents on high and let all the hot air in which brought on a whole new wave of regurgitation.
I get motion sickness a lot actually. tapeworm and I were going to the keg one time and as soon as he parked I opened the door and yakked all over the place then we got back in the car and went home.
and then theres times when I don't have a car to blame it on...
I had one drink at scotts house before me and like 7 other people hotboxed the bathroom and when I got back outside on the deck I felt extra fucked up and started to spin so I leaned over the railing and threw up everywhere and some dudes were fighting down there and weren't paying attention and one of them walked right under it. I was laughing and puking at the same time. thats not easy to do.
I ended up passing out on his bathroom floor and people were stepping over me to use the toilet.
I get motion sickness a lot actually. tapeworm and I were going to the keg one time and as soon as he parked I opened the door and yakked all over the place then we got back in the car and went home.
and then theres times when I don't have a car to blame it on...
I had one drink at scotts house before me and like 7 other people hotboxed the bathroom and when I got back outside on the deck I felt extra fucked up and started to spin so I leaned over the railing and threw up everywhere and some dudes were fighting down there and weren't paying attention and one of them walked right under it. I was laughing and puking at the same time. thats not easy to do.
I ended up passing out on his bathroom floor and people were stepping over me to use the toilet.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
mark it 8, dude
there are few things more irritating than when tapeworm looks over here all, "my god, how many windows do you have open?!"
6 tabs is not excessive, damnit. just turn around.
I'm kinda thinking we should break into the apartments next door to use their pool but tapeworm says thats probably not the best idea I've ever had. I don't really think we have another option tho.
6 tabs is not excessive, damnit. just turn around.
I'm kinda thinking we should break into the apartments next door to use their pool but tapeworm says thats probably not the best idea I've ever had. I don't really think we have another option tho.
Monday, September 12, 2005
he bite me in my vagina
bitch do I come down to cracky d's and slap the cheeseburger out your mouth?
tapeworm is still sleeping and I am ready to go to the damn fair already. I am a funnel cake fiend. I crave the hot greasy love batter and I will accept no substitutes!
my god..I can almost taste the heartattack..
I'm gonna flash some carnies and get some free shit (yes, I'm really that shallow). I'll be the only girl there who isn't pushing350 lbs a stroller so I can't lose ;)
I opened a can of mandarin oranges today from 1988.
I only ate 3 of them before I decided they looked kind of funny. but they tasted alright. I still have about 15 cans of them and I'm not sure but I might just take the plunge.
its jennifer wk's birthday today.
she is currently the #2 most bangable blog babe on the whole web and you should go wish her a happy 25th cos she rocks.
tapeworm is still sleeping and I am ready to go to the damn fair already. I am a funnel cake fiend. I crave the hot greasy love batter and I will accept no substitutes!
my god..I can almost taste the heartattack..
I'm gonna flash some carnies and get some free shit (yes, I'm really that shallow). I'll be the only girl there who isn't pushing
I opened a can of mandarin oranges today from 1988.
I only ate 3 of them before I decided they looked kind of funny. but they tasted alright. I still have about 15 cans of them and I'm not sure but I might just take the plunge.
its jennifer wk's birthday today.
she is currently the #2 most bangable blog babe on the whole web and you should go wish her a happy 25th cos she rocks.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
skills: essing the dee
I'm not one to go offering advice, nor do I suggest you heed anything I may propose, but what I will say is STOP WHINING.
thats aimed at no one in particular BUT if it speaks to you, then listen.
yesterday I was at trader joes picking up some 3 buck chuck and my bra started itching me really bad so I tried to adjust it but ended up pinching my boob really hard and I almost cried.
but I got some blue jalepeño cornbread and a bottle of grey goose which I plan to make acquaintance with very shortly.
barker must've gotten some weed of his own cos he hasn't called in a bit. he and his wife bought a house with his husband-in-law like 2 years ago and he's all pissy cos we havent come over yet. I don't like his wife. the bitch is mean and she got even worse after she found out we call her jenbison and tell everyone bob fucks her brother. pfft. like its not obvious.
tapeworm tried to warn bob not to marry her cos shes super old and has bad credit. plus they'd never even lived together, but bob went and told her. haha..whoops. all the sudden she shows up to the house with beer trying to kiss ass. last time I saw her she was bitching about how much bob spent on her ring and how he'd stuck them in that house for the next 10 years.
see why you shouldn't rush into marriage? it sucks.
the fair started today but I think I'm gonna give them the weekend to get a feel for the fryers. I don't want any half ass funnel cake, y'know.
thats aimed at no one in particular BUT if it speaks to you, then listen.
yesterday I was at trader joes picking up some 3 buck chuck and my bra started itching me really bad so I tried to adjust it but ended up pinching my boob really hard and I almost cried.but I got some blue jalepeño cornbread and a bottle of grey goose which I plan to make acquaintance with very shortly.
barker must've gotten some weed of his own cos he hasn't called in a bit. he and his wife bought a house with his husband-in-law like 2 years ago and he's all pissy cos we havent come over yet. I don't like his wife. the bitch is mean and she got even worse after she found out we call her jenbison and tell everyone bob fucks her brother. pfft. like its not obvious.
tapeworm tried to warn bob not to marry her cos shes super old and has bad credit. plus they'd never even lived together, but bob went and told her. haha..whoops. all the sudden she shows up to the house with beer trying to kiss ass. last time I saw her she was bitching about how much bob spent on her ring and how he'd stuck them in that house for the next 10 years.
see why you shouldn't rush into marriage? it sucks.
the fair started today but I think I'm gonna give them the weekend to get a feel for the fryers. I don't want any half ass funnel cake, y'know.
Friday, September 09, 2005
shits fucked
but my old comments are back! blogger is being funny and comments aren't working so I'm gonna go drink a lot and see if it fixes itself by the time I get back.
edit: shits not fucked anymore. vodka cures the internet :D
edit: shits not fucked anymore. vodka cures the internet :D
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
bush don't care about white folk either
I am now in posession of one suspended credit card. I blame bush. he doesn't care about my financial situation. hes given them permission to go up and shoot me.
casey got his car impounded cos he decided that cops had better things to do than pull people over.
yep, he really said that.
but what he forgot to tell his passengers is that he was driving on a suspended license. when they asked him to step out of the vehicle, his pipe fell out of his pant leg and bounced off his shoe. I know I sleep better at night knowing this genius is out "being all he can be".
damn! tapeworm ate all the tuna casserole.
I am friends with bea arthur now so I guess myspace is not completely without redeeming value. if you have myspace, you should add me cos my self esteem is entirely contingent upon the number of friends I have.
don't worry; I'll only deny you if you suck :p
I gotta go rest up, cos today I'm getting paid to do for an hour what the rest of you do all day long: sit at a desk and eat donuts! but I don't have to deal with any clients or colleagues! sweet, huh? and I'm getting $1/minute.
casey got his car impounded cos he decided that cops had better things to do than pull people over.
yep, he really said that.
but what he forgot to tell his passengers is that he was driving on a suspended license. when they asked him to step out of the vehicle, his pipe fell out of his pant leg and bounced off his shoe. I know I sleep better at night knowing this genius is out "being all he can be".
damn! tapeworm ate all the tuna casserole.
I am friends with bea arthur now so I guess myspace is not completely without redeeming value. if you have myspace, you should add me cos my self esteem is entirely contingent upon the number of friends I have.
don't worry; I'll only deny you if you suck :p
I gotta go rest up, cos today I'm getting paid to do for an hour what the rest of you do all day long: sit at a desk and eat donuts! but I don't have to deal with any clients or colleagues! sweet, huh? and I'm getting $1/minute.
Monday, September 05, 2005
mackin with carrie
Mike Neil: Why hello
talk_to_carrie: hey
Mike Neil: So whos cooler then being cool?
talk_to_carrie: uh..me?
Mike Neil: yup
Mike Neil: you are really smart!
talk_to_carrie: I try
talk_to_carrie: so whered you find me?
Mike Neil: on a hotel room floor vomitting?
talk_to_carrie: I think you got the wrong ho
Mike Neil: ho?
Mike Neil: Thats a very bad way to see women
talk_to_carrie: so's on the floor vomitting...
Mike Neil: you should have your mouth washed out with soap
talk_to_carrie: uh, no thanks
Mike Neil: yeah, i'd pass on that too
talk_to_carrie: instinct
Mike Neil: you watching prison break tonight?
talk_to_carrie: I don't watch tv
talk_to_carrie: I havent watched in at least 6 months. I have no clue whats going on in the world
Mike Neil: I find TV helps shut out the voices in my head telling me to do evil things
Mike Neil: such as clean the restroom, do my laundry
talk_to_carrie: heh..yeah, the internet works in similar ways for me
Mike Neil: I know you haven't been watching tv, did you hear how Castro has declared war on Sweden?
talk_to_carrie: uh, whos castro?
talk_to_carrie: whats sweden?
Mike Neil: Dictator of Cuba
Mike Neil: Sweden = country that hides nazi gold
talk_to_carrie: I thought cuba was an actor
Mike Neil: nah Cuba is a country Bush would like to forget about
talk_to_carrie: hmmm...funny, cos I'd like to forget about bush
Mike Neil: yeah he is a big moron who was given the all day lunch pass to the playground of life
talk_to_carrie: yeah his father was better. slightly.
Mike Neil: yeah, I wonder if his father's father could actually talk without someone having written what he said before hand
talk_to_carrie: well, they are from the south.
Mike Neil: that figures
Mike Neil: so, what are your plans for tonight?
talk_to_carrie: hmmm....I think I might smoke a few bongloads, take a shower, eat some pasta maybe play some hulk and crash out when the urge strikes
talk_to_carrie: busy day, y'know
Mike Neil: yeah
Mike Neil: as much as you hate bush, you are following in his footsteps
talk_to_carrie: oh yeah?
talk_to_carrie: then I guess Im set
Mike Neil: using drugs, loafing around, not doing anything productive
talk_to_carrie: but I'll be president some day, so whats to bitch about?
Mike Neil: not really, women can't rise to presidency
talk_to_carrie: right, I should prolly be baking some pie right now
Mike Neil: its a proven fact, watch hillary become a victem of a shooter from the grass nole
Mike Neil: what kind of pie?
talk_to_carrie: pecan
talk_to_carrie: or blueberry
Mike Neil: why should you be making it?
Mike Neil: having a bake sale?
talk_to_carrie: its womanly, y'know
talk_to_carrie: nope, just eating it all like a housewife
talk_to_carrie: thats what we're good for
Mike Neil: well, the good question is what does your man want you to make?
talk_to_carrie: he doesnt care, so long as I'm on my knees
Mike Neil: ha
Mike Neil: this has all gotten too silly
talk_to_carrie: too silly?
talk_to_carrie: is there such a thing as too silly?
talk_to_carrie: I dont think we've gotten silly enough..
Mike Neil: yeah a grown man when wears clown shoes to bed, now thats silly
talk_to_carrie: haha I got this crazy email about some guy who fucks his sister.
talk_to_carrie: they think I'm upset about it
talk_to_carrie: can you believe that?
talk_to_carrie: why would I care if you wanna fuck your sister?
Mike Neil: I don't have a sister
talk_to_carrie: I mean, we can still be friends
talk_to_carrie: I dont have a sister either
Mike Neil: what the hell are you talking about
Mike Neil: ?
talk_to_carrie: an email. what are you talking about?
Mike Neil: So, you got some strange email?
talk_to_carrie: yeah.
talk_to_carrie: from a guy named who goes by pappy. weird, huh?
talk_to_carrie: oops
talk_to_carrie: you know what i meant, huh?
Mike Neil: you are one crazy mofo
talk_to_carrie: whoa...really?
talk_to_carrie: so whered you find me?
Mike Neil: blogexplosion
talk_to_carrie: aha..
talk_to_carrie: whats yer blog?
Mike Neil: http://ocdfinds.blogspot.com/
talk_to_carrie: oh okay, I've read your stuff before
talk_to_carrie: interesting notes
Mike Neil: thanks
talk_to_carrie: you go by an alias, huh?
talk_to_carrie: or did you just link me to someone elses blog?
Mike Neil: Alias, the tv show?
talk_to_carrie: uh, alias, your fake name
talk_to_carrie: remember, I don't do tv
Mike Neil: oh yeah
Mike Neil: Well its all fake on the internet
talk_to_carrie: uh...
Mike Neil: even the orgasms in porn
talk_to_carrie: wouldn't know about that
Mike Neil: I figured
talk_to_carrie: so whats yer real blog?
Mike Neil: http://thedebtdefier.blogspot.com/
talk_to_carrie: look, its not like I've got real important shit to do, but youre just wasting my time
Mike Neil: okay
Mike Neil: my real site is here: http://birdparty.blogspot.com/
talk_to_carrie: nice talking to ya mike
Mike Neil: mike?
talk_to_carrie: hey
Mike Neil: So whos cooler then being cool?
talk_to_carrie: uh..me?
Mike Neil: yup
Mike Neil: you are really smart!
talk_to_carrie: I try
talk_to_carrie: so whered you find me?
Mike Neil: on a hotel room floor vomitting?
talk_to_carrie: I think you got the wrong ho
Mike Neil: ho?
Mike Neil: Thats a very bad way to see women
talk_to_carrie: so's on the floor vomitting...
Mike Neil: you should have your mouth washed out with soap
talk_to_carrie: uh, no thanks
Mike Neil: yeah, i'd pass on that too
talk_to_carrie: instinct
Mike Neil: you watching prison break tonight?
talk_to_carrie: I don't watch tv
talk_to_carrie: I havent watched in at least 6 months. I have no clue whats going on in the world
Mike Neil: I find TV helps shut out the voices in my head telling me to do evil things
Mike Neil: such as clean the restroom, do my laundry
talk_to_carrie: heh..yeah, the internet works in similar ways for me
Mike Neil: I know you haven't been watching tv, did you hear how Castro has declared war on Sweden?
talk_to_carrie: uh, whos castro?
talk_to_carrie: whats sweden?
Mike Neil: Dictator of Cuba
Mike Neil: Sweden = country that hides nazi gold
talk_to_carrie: I thought cuba was an actor
Mike Neil: nah Cuba is a country Bush would like to forget about
talk_to_carrie: hmmm...funny, cos I'd like to forget about bush
Mike Neil: yeah he is a big moron who was given the all day lunch pass to the playground of life
talk_to_carrie: yeah his father was better. slightly.
Mike Neil: yeah, I wonder if his father's father could actually talk without someone having written what he said before hand
talk_to_carrie: well, they are from the south.
Mike Neil: that figures
Mike Neil: so, what are your plans for tonight?
talk_to_carrie: hmmm....I think I might smoke a few bongloads, take a shower, eat some pasta maybe play some hulk and crash out when the urge strikes
talk_to_carrie: busy day, y'know
Mike Neil: yeah
Mike Neil: as much as you hate bush, you are following in his footsteps
talk_to_carrie: oh yeah?
talk_to_carrie: then I guess Im set
Mike Neil: using drugs, loafing around, not doing anything productive
talk_to_carrie: but I'll be president some day, so whats to bitch about?
Mike Neil: not really, women can't rise to presidency
talk_to_carrie: right, I should prolly be baking some pie right now
Mike Neil: its a proven fact, watch hillary become a victem of a shooter from the grass nole
Mike Neil: what kind of pie?
talk_to_carrie: pecan
talk_to_carrie: or blueberry
Mike Neil: why should you be making it?
Mike Neil: having a bake sale?
talk_to_carrie: its womanly, y'know
talk_to_carrie: nope, just eating it all like a housewife
talk_to_carrie: thats what we're good for
Mike Neil: well, the good question is what does your man want you to make?
talk_to_carrie: he doesnt care, so long as I'm on my knees
Mike Neil: ha
Mike Neil: this has all gotten too silly
talk_to_carrie: too silly?
talk_to_carrie: is there such a thing as too silly?
talk_to_carrie: I dont think we've gotten silly enough..
Mike Neil: yeah a grown man when wears clown shoes to bed, now thats silly
talk_to_carrie: haha I got this crazy email about some guy who fucks his sister.
talk_to_carrie: they think I'm upset about it
talk_to_carrie: can you believe that?
talk_to_carrie: why would I care if you wanna fuck your sister?
Mike Neil: I don't have a sister
talk_to_carrie: I mean, we can still be friends
talk_to_carrie: I dont have a sister either
Mike Neil: what the hell are you talking about
Mike Neil: ?
talk_to_carrie: an email. what are you talking about?
Mike Neil: So, you got some strange email?
talk_to_carrie: yeah.
talk_to_carrie: from a guy named who goes by pappy. weird, huh?
talk_to_carrie: oops
talk_to_carrie: you know what i meant, huh?
Mike Neil: you are one crazy mofo
talk_to_carrie: whoa...really?
talk_to_carrie: so whered you find me?
Mike Neil: blogexplosion
talk_to_carrie: aha..
talk_to_carrie: whats yer blog?
Mike Neil: http://ocdfinds.blogspot.com/
talk_to_carrie: oh okay, I've read your stuff before
talk_to_carrie: interesting notes
Mike Neil: thanks
talk_to_carrie: you go by an alias, huh?
talk_to_carrie: or did you just link me to someone elses blog?
Mike Neil: Alias, the tv show?
talk_to_carrie: uh, alias, your fake name
talk_to_carrie: remember, I don't do tv
Mike Neil: oh yeah
Mike Neil: Well its all fake on the internet
talk_to_carrie: uh...
Mike Neil: even the orgasms in porn
talk_to_carrie: wouldn't know about that
Mike Neil: I figured
talk_to_carrie: so whats yer real blog?
Mike Neil: http://thedebtdefier.blogspot.com/
talk_to_carrie: look, its not like I've got real important shit to do, but youre just wasting my time
Mike Neil: okay
Mike Neil: my real site is here: http://birdparty.blogspot.com/
talk_to_carrie: nice talking to ya mike
Mike Neil: mike?
Saturday, September 03, 2005
contracting a tapeworm
if you don't count all the times we've broken up, today marks 5 years of tapeworm and me. the only motherfucker to hit it since its been legal. can you believe it? heh..neither can he :p
in honor of this occasion, a story: how carrie met tapeworm
I had just come out of lock up (for the last time ..so far!) and was attempting to live with my parents for the first time in 9 months.
I was 15 and had experienced things most adults can't even fathom. that alone was more than enough to alienate the majority of my peers, but add to that numerous chemical dependencies, dropping out of highschool, a shaved head (again, drugs), a police record.. I was one lonely little girl.
I wasn't quite finished being a fuck up, and I was out to celebrate my release. which meant I was on a mission to get as high as I could possibly get. I met a girl that day who was (just barely) still in highschool, who was too scared to do drugs but was incredibly enamored with me and my unconventional lifestyle. and she wanted to come along for the ride and meet my scumbag "friends", bringing a boy she was interested in (you may know him as butt rock britt) along with a friend of his to meet up in a park late one august evening.
as I stepped into the park carrying 2 freshly stolen boxes of wine, I quickly recognized the familiar glare of disapproval. the three of them kept their distance as my cohorts and I proceeded to expose them to our (un)usual activities. I can honestly not remember much of the remainder of the evening, but I do know I ended up walking 6 miles back to my parents home around 4am with several of those "friends" to crash out on my bedroom floor.
not quite the love story you were expecting, huh? yeah well...
things went on like this for some time. I continued to do stupid shit and look like a loser. my new acquaintences watched warily as I broke rules and exercised poor judgement. I tried to convince them to join me in my endeavors, but they consistently declined. I was honestly thrilled they still wanted to be in my company. my parents were so happy I had managed to make friends with homes of their own that they really didn't give me much trouble. things were going really well. though I still had a long way to go, spending time with tapeworm was slowly reminding me of what "normal" looked like.
by the time I was 17, I had severed all ties with street people. though not much of an improvement on my situation, I was dating a coke dealer named albert and, obviously, was still using drugs. this was around the height of my friendship with jacque and I was blowing off everyone who wasn't just as high as I was, partly cos I didn't want anyone to know how bad it was and partly because I didn't want anyone to try and stop me.
up until then I had still been spending every spare moment with my best friend in the whole world, mr. tickles tapeworm. but drugs won, and I treated him like shit. then one day I went crazy. just like that. a fairly uneventful afternoon, and I hadn't gotten high in a week. just sitting around the house and I began to hallucinate. I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't want to tell anyone about it. my boyfriend and his roommate stopped by after a big score to pick me up and bring me to their apartment, but I didn't want to go. said I'd take a bus up later (waaay out of character for me).
I eventually got it together enough to leave the house, and made my way to the apartment but when I got there I still felt weird and the houseful of tweakers didn't help things any. I didn't want to get high. for the first time I could remember. and that scared me, maybe even more than the fact that I was hearing things. I couldn't sleep and it had been 2 days and I was still crazy. I had to tell my mom I needed help and I knew she was gonna be mad to hear I was still involved with drugs. I walked to her office and sat down in the chair across from her desk and she knew something wasn't right. she told me one of my eyes was pinned and the other was fully dilated. I looked in the mirror, and she was right; I even looked crazy. she said she had suspected something was wrong because I left all my things at home. my keys, my id, my coat (it was late january). all the stuff I carried everywhere. and I hadn't even noticed.
though its impossible for me to describe in a way you could understand, I was terrified. mostly of myself. I couldn't step into my room without bursting into tears. I wore my parents clothes because I couldn't stand my own. animals ran from me! and nothing helped. I was 17 years old, and I was attached to my mom like a toddler. I saw doctors and specialists and a month later, I was still as crazy as I was the day it started. one doctor speculated that perhaps I was just experiencing anxiety due to the fact that I was approaching my 18th birthday; a year signifying "independence and self-sufficiency". maybe it did for him. I'd been both of those things for quite some time.
I can't tell you when it finally stopped; it was very gradual. things would be okay for a few days and then I would feel overwhelmed again and afraid for seemingly no reason. but those days became fewer and farther between and slowly I began calling people again. I hadn't talked to any of my friends since the day I left the apartment to find my mom. at least a month had passed. expecting to be met with interest and even sympathy, I was surprised to find that not only did they seem not to care at all, they didn't even want to acknowledge it had happened. finally it became clear to me how fucked up I really was that I had mistaken these people for friends. I didn't even like them. I had thrown away the only real friends I had in an attempt to ditch accountability.
I still hadn't called tapeworm. in over 2 years I hadn't gone a day without seeing him and I hadn't so much as called him in months. he had no idea anything was even wrong. and now, I was a completely different person. the phone rang everyday and seeing his name on the caller id was enough to send me into a panic. I was hiding from him. I had no idea how to tell him the girl he knew with no fear whatsoever had become afraid of her own shadow. everyone I knew had rejected me at my first refusal of narcotics. I had no expectation that he should be any different. only this time it was gonna hurt.
I had said hello before I even weighed the consequences. it was just time to get it over with. I had no words to recount the past couple of months. I felt like a blind man trying to describe color. through all my awkwardness I finally arrived without much of a point and he was still there. still listening. and still wanted to see me. I really wasn't prepared for that and strange as it sounds, I wasn't really sure I wanted to go through with it. but monday night I came over to watch wrestling with him and britt. and britt was anything but supportive. he called me weak, he said I'd come around to getting high again. he sparked up a bowl and I left the room, reminding myself why I should have never come. and tapeworm followed me. at the time I was more than prepared for people like britt, and assured tapeworm there was no reason for him to follow my lead. but he refused to leave and said if I wasn't gonna get high anymore, he wasn't either.
of course this is all too good to last. within a few months, my fear of getting high had nearly worn away completely. I was becoming more comfortable again, and jacque called. tapeworm came with me to her house and when she went to pass me her pipe, I declined, and she flipped out. she said I thought I was better than her. she called me a pussy. as stupid as I knew it was I gave in. I got high and found out it wasn't going to be the end of the world like I had made it into. I convinced myself that I had been scared for no reason and my fear of getting high, completely irrational. I just wanted to feel normal again. to not have to be weird and affected by things other people couldn't understand. but I didn't feel normal. I just worried that I was "asking for it". how long would it be before I was seeing things again? would it be worse the next time? could I end up like that forever? what if I was losing it and couldn't even tell?
luckily I never had to answer any of those questions. jacque got evicted and moved in with her boyfriend, who had no idea about her problem. we had to sneak around over there and I wasn't down with getting caught by him, so I just stopped answering her calls.
things quickly returned to the "norm" I had come to accept. it wasn't my old life, but it was comfortable and I was starting to feel happy again for the first time in too long. and that was all that really mattered anymore. I spent 6 months focused on myself. I started running, got a new job and finished highschool. just one year later than the rest of my graduating class.
I was selling pastries one day exactly 2 months before my 18th birthday, when it dawned on me that tickles tapeworm is the only person I've ever known who never judged me. ever. even when I was a complete piece of shit. I have never been able to say or do anything to make him change his mind about me. and he never throws any of it back in my face just because he's upset. lots of people spend their whole lives looking for someone like that and never find it. I couldn't wait until my shift was over so I could tell him how much I loved him. and thats exactly what I did. 5 years ago today.
in honor of this occasion, a story: how carrie met tapeworm
I had just come out of lock up (for the last time ..so far!) and was attempting to live with my parents for the first time in 9 months.
I was 15 and had experienced things most adults can't even fathom. that alone was more than enough to alienate the majority of my peers, but add to that numerous chemical dependencies, dropping out of highschool, a shaved head (again, drugs), a police record.. I was one lonely little girl.
I wasn't quite finished being a fuck up, and I was out to celebrate my release. which meant I was on a mission to get as high as I could possibly get. I met a girl that day who was (just barely) still in highschool, who was too scared to do drugs but was incredibly enamored with me and my unconventional lifestyle. and she wanted to come along for the ride and meet my scumbag "friends", bringing a boy she was interested in (you may know him as butt rock britt) along with a friend of his to meet up in a park late one august evening.
as I stepped into the park carrying 2 freshly stolen boxes of wine, I quickly recognized the familiar glare of disapproval. the three of them kept their distance as my cohorts and I proceeded to expose them to our (un)usual activities. I can honestly not remember much of the remainder of the evening, but I do know I ended up walking 6 miles back to my parents home around 4am with several of those "friends" to crash out on my bedroom floor.
not quite the love story you were expecting, huh? yeah well...
things went on like this for some time. I continued to do stupid shit and look like a loser. my new acquaintences watched warily as I broke rules and exercised poor judgement. I tried to convince them to join me in my endeavors, but they consistently declined. I was honestly thrilled they still wanted to be in my company. my parents were so happy I had managed to make friends with homes of their own that they really didn't give me much trouble. things were going really well. though I still had a long way to go, spending time with tapeworm was slowly reminding me of what "normal" looked like.
by the time I was 17, I had severed all ties with street people. though not much of an improvement on my situation, I was dating a coke dealer named albert and, obviously, was still using drugs. this was around the height of my friendship with jacque and I was blowing off everyone who wasn't just as high as I was, partly cos I didn't want anyone to know how bad it was and partly because I didn't want anyone to try and stop me.
up until then I had still been spending every spare moment with my best friend in the whole world, mr. tickles tapeworm. but drugs won, and I treated him like shit. then one day I went crazy. just like that. a fairly uneventful afternoon, and I hadn't gotten high in a week. just sitting around the house and I began to hallucinate. I knew something wasn't right, but I didn't want to tell anyone about it. my boyfriend and his roommate stopped by after a big score to pick me up and bring me to their apartment, but I didn't want to go. said I'd take a bus up later (waaay out of character for me).
I eventually got it together enough to leave the house, and made my way to the apartment but when I got there I still felt weird and the houseful of tweakers didn't help things any. I didn't want to get high. for the first time I could remember. and that scared me, maybe even more than the fact that I was hearing things. I couldn't sleep and it had been 2 days and I was still crazy. I had to tell my mom I needed help and I knew she was gonna be mad to hear I was still involved with drugs. I walked to her office and sat down in the chair across from her desk and she knew something wasn't right. she told me one of my eyes was pinned and the other was fully dilated. I looked in the mirror, and she was right; I even looked crazy. she said she had suspected something was wrong because I left all my things at home. my keys, my id, my coat (it was late january). all the stuff I carried everywhere. and I hadn't even noticed.
though its impossible for me to describe in a way you could understand, I was terrified. mostly of myself. I couldn't step into my room without bursting into tears. I wore my parents clothes because I couldn't stand my own. animals ran from me! and nothing helped. I was 17 years old, and I was attached to my mom like a toddler. I saw doctors and specialists and a month later, I was still as crazy as I was the day it started. one doctor speculated that perhaps I was just experiencing anxiety due to the fact that I was approaching my 18th birthday; a year signifying "independence and self-sufficiency". maybe it did for him. I'd been both of those things for quite some time.
I can't tell you when it finally stopped; it was very gradual. things would be okay for a few days and then I would feel overwhelmed again and afraid for seemingly no reason. but those days became fewer and farther between and slowly I began calling people again. I hadn't talked to any of my friends since the day I left the apartment to find my mom. at least a month had passed. expecting to be met with interest and even sympathy, I was surprised to find that not only did they seem not to care at all, they didn't even want to acknowledge it had happened. finally it became clear to me how fucked up I really was that I had mistaken these people for friends. I didn't even like them. I had thrown away the only real friends I had in an attempt to ditch accountability.
I still hadn't called tapeworm. in over 2 years I hadn't gone a day without seeing him and I hadn't so much as called him in months. he had no idea anything was even wrong. and now, I was a completely different person. the phone rang everyday and seeing his name on the caller id was enough to send me into a panic. I was hiding from him. I had no idea how to tell him the girl he knew with no fear whatsoever had become afraid of her own shadow. everyone I knew had rejected me at my first refusal of narcotics. I had no expectation that he should be any different. only this time it was gonna hurt.
I had said hello before I even weighed the consequences. it was just time to get it over with. I had no words to recount the past couple of months. I felt like a blind man trying to describe color. through all my awkwardness I finally arrived without much of a point and he was still there. still listening. and still wanted to see me. I really wasn't prepared for that and strange as it sounds, I wasn't really sure I wanted to go through with it. but monday night I came over to watch wrestling with him and britt. and britt was anything but supportive. he called me weak, he said I'd come around to getting high again. he sparked up a bowl and I left the room, reminding myself why I should have never come. and tapeworm followed me. at the time I was more than prepared for people like britt, and assured tapeworm there was no reason for him to follow my lead. but he refused to leave and said if I wasn't gonna get high anymore, he wasn't either.
of course this is all too good to last. within a few months, my fear of getting high had nearly worn away completely. I was becoming more comfortable again, and jacque called. tapeworm came with me to her house and when she went to pass me her pipe, I declined, and she flipped out. she said I thought I was better than her. she called me a pussy. as stupid as I knew it was I gave in. I got high and found out it wasn't going to be the end of the world like I had made it into. I convinced myself that I had been scared for no reason and my fear of getting high, completely irrational. I just wanted to feel normal again. to not have to be weird and affected by things other people couldn't understand. but I didn't feel normal. I just worried that I was "asking for it". how long would it be before I was seeing things again? would it be worse the next time? could I end up like that forever? what if I was losing it and couldn't even tell?
luckily I never had to answer any of those questions. jacque got evicted and moved in with her boyfriend, who had no idea about her problem. we had to sneak around over there and I wasn't down with getting caught by him, so I just stopped answering her calls.
things quickly returned to the "norm" I had come to accept. it wasn't my old life, but it was comfortable and I was starting to feel happy again for the first time in too long. and that was all that really mattered anymore. I spent 6 months focused on myself. I started running, got a new job and finished highschool. just one year later than the rest of my graduating class.
I was selling pastries one day exactly 2 months before my 18th birthday, when it dawned on me that tickles tapeworm is the only person I've ever known who never judged me. ever. even when I was a complete piece of shit. I have never been able to say or do anything to make him change his mind about me. and he never throws any of it back in my face just because he's upset. lots of people spend their whole lives looking for someone like that and never find it. I couldn't wait until my shift was over so I could tell him how much I loved him. and thats exactly what I did. 5 years ago today.
Thursday, September 01, 2005
emcee reverend doctor black jesus
my sink has been gurgling lately. I don't even want to think about what that could mean. I just hope it doesn't involve having the maintenance guy up here. he creeps me out. last time I had to have him up here my bathroom fan was off balance and he came by unannouced and knocked as he was opening the door and I had no clothes on. all I could do was scream and I haven't really wanted to call for maintenance ever since. besides, I'd have to *gasp* clean my apartment. hehehh. I could prolly get evicted for the condition of this place. I'm sure it must be a fire hazard at the least.
this dude I call dirty john/vajohnna had a party at his place and the cops showed up cos everyone was out on the lawn and being loud and shit cos his house is so ganked. but I was 16 and the only one under 21, so I ran into the bathroom to hide and luckily they didn't go looking. it seemed like they stayed for half an hour and I could hear them out there talking about the man show. and I was like, "what the..?? dude, I'm not that fucked up". but I guess they were cool. they carded everyone else in the house and told john that if the fire department ever showed up he'd be in deep shit.
jacque and I cleaned his house once for a pack of cigarettes. well, jacque cleaned it anyway. but I still got smokes, so whatever.
he lived with a bunch of scumbag dudes who never slept and some girl who worked at the texaco used to let them steal shit. one of them said that when he's coming down, he clips his toe nails and smokes them, cos he thinks thats where it all ends up.
and they had a "broom" made out of a poolstick and a carpet square.
...or maybe that was a mop.
this dude I call dirty john/vajohnna had a party at his place and the cops showed up cos everyone was out on the lawn and being loud and shit cos his house is so ganked. but I was 16 and the only one under 21, so I ran into the bathroom to hide and luckily they didn't go looking. it seemed like they stayed for half an hour and I could hear them out there talking about the man show. and I was like, "what the..?? dude, I'm not that fucked up". but I guess they were cool. they carded everyone else in the house and told john that if the fire department ever showed up he'd be in deep shit.
jacque and I cleaned his house once for a pack of cigarettes. well, jacque cleaned it anyway. but I still got smokes, so whatever.
he lived with a bunch of scumbag dudes who never slept and some girl who worked at the texaco used to let them steal shit. one of them said that when he's coming down, he clips his toe nails and smokes them, cos he thinks thats where it all ends up. and they had a "broom" made out of a poolstick and a carpet square.
...or maybe that was a mop.
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