origins of a whore

for danielle


before we were together, tapeworm took me and helen to a party for some dude he worked with and jacque found out about it and called tapeworm to ask why she hadn't been invited and he said, "cos I didn't want you to act like a slut and embarrass me."
(cos thats what helen was there for!)

when jacque was 12, her mom cut her a line and told her to do it. or they'd never be close. her stepdad was a former alcoholic/child molester, all crazy into the 12 step thing and they hid everything from him but I'm sure he had to know something was going on when no one ever slept and her mom blew glass 16 hours a day. jacque thought he was watching her through a hole in her bedroom wall. he had been convicted of sexual abuse of his daughter; the same girl jacque and her oldest brother were sleeping with. I met jacque in 1997, I was 15 and soon after that I was going to her house after school to buy dope from her mom. just like the rest of her friends.

she had to be the center of everyones attention and seldom was. the year we met we both unknowingly liked the same boy, derek. he rode her bus and one day he told her he was into me and she flipped out and tried to hit me over it. she said she knew it wasn't my fault, but she was still mad.

when jacque had a bad day at school, her mom cut her a line and told her she was too sensitive. jacque said she vaguely remembered her mom molesting her as a young girl. her 8 year old brother came to stay 2 weekends a month and she wondered if her mom was molesting him now, too.

jacque said she was afraid to quit, cos she knew that meant she wouldn't have a mom anymore. I tried to tell her that she didn't have one as it was.