drunk ass pops

my dad is borderline retarded. he talks about the internet like it's an obscure middle eastern country. he watches nascar and chainsmokes and he eats half a stick of butter every morning. his favorite food is creamed corn. when I was like 8 we were coming back from a baseball game and I had one foot in the truck when he started to drive and I was screaming at him that I wasn't in the car and he drove almost a block before he heard me. when we got home he tried to make dinner and he dropped an aluminum pepper shaker on the burner and the whole house filled up with pepper gas. he shampoos his hair with bar soap. he "organizes" the ashtrays pushing all the ash to one side and neatly lining all the butts up on the other. he listens to really bad music with the treble all the way up. he yells into the phone. he makes stupid faces when he mows the lawn (seriously funny shit). he speaks in one word sentences and he bangs his pipe on the ashtray when he wants me to get him high.

it really pisses me off when the shampoo and conditioner don't get used up at the same time and I have to get new shampoo and use the old conditioner and it'll never match again.