"shit, if it's gonna be that kind of party, I'm gon stick my dick in the mashed potatoes"
I swear I never fucking sleep anymore. I was on the bus and it seemed like everybody was staring at me and I was like I bet they recognize me from my shitty blog and I got all paranoid so I turned around to look out the window and I totally spaced out and almost missed my stop.
the strap on my sandal broke when I stepped off the bus and I was trying to tuck it in so I wouldn't trip and fall on my goddamn face and when I stood up some dude was gawking and I was like, "..yeah?" and he said
"you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen"
I was like, "uh, thanks" and even though I was mostly creeped the fuck out because he followed me off the bus, I was muy flattered.