t.a.b.

I was laying on the couch with my pig and we both fell asleep and when I woke up he was eating my hair. and he wouldn't let go of it. I tried to raise my head and his tiny little front paws lifted off the couch.

tapeworm came in the kitchen while I was COOKING FOR HIM to put some dishes in the dishwasher (right behind me) and then left it open and when I backed away from the stove I fell over it and mangled my leg.
then he said, "oh, be careful!"

yeah, thanks.

I made him take me to dairy queen to make up for it and then we stopped off at butt rock britt's house to get a bag and that lazy son of a bitch has some reacher/grabber thing and he uses it for everything. his phone rang and instead of lifting his tubby ass off the couch he tried to pick it up with that shit and dropped it like 4 times.
missed his call.
I swear he has no shame at all. he was actually going to try to grab a glass of water with that shit but I was like put the tongs down, chubby; I'll hand it to you.